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RE: Training Method - 2/11/2012 3:15:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's not passive aggressive which is the only sneaky method I know of. He's honest and straightforward. More importantly he wants me to consent to this. If you're trying to do this without her knowledge, that comes across as trying to teach her to be submissive against her will. And that's wrong.

There isn't any such thing as topping from the bottom. It's just something would be dominants claim in order to intimidate their partners from getting their needs met. I can beg him for stuff, I can demand he do things and none of that matters. Because I can't force him to do it. He chooses to if it sounds like a good idea to him or else he laughs and goes on with what he wants.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Training Method - 2/11/2012 8:37:16 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		I learn what he likes, I do it, there ya go. I've managed to make it on my own for a lot of years now, I don't like to think I need to be trained. I can be shown to do as he wants, I can try to predict what he wants when he wants, then off we go. To me it's not complicated. I'm submissive, he's going to be Dom/Master/Daddy we'll get to know each other very well over a period of time so that we can both trust and know we're on the same page, and, again, off we go. As for not wanting to look up "training" or whatever on your own, why should we do your homework for you? There's a search button up top, make use of it. Or google the info you want and insert BDSM. There's *YOUR* training.

'Nuff said.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Training Method - 2/12/2012 8:39:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		To me training implies a set schedule and set agenda for that training session. ie: taking classes

In that context, it's not really something that I view as necessary for our relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Training Method - 2/12/2012 9:12:00 AM   
shylilbear


Posts: 125
Joined: 11/25/2011
Status: offline 		Fast Reply


This one is from the Microsoft Word Dictionary
train·ing
n
1. acquiring of skill: the process of teaching or learning a skill or job (often used before a noun)

This one is from the American Heritage Dictionary
1. To coach in or accustom to a mode of behavior or performance.
2. To make proficient with specialized instruction and practice.

I'm not sure why people get so twisted up over training. Like it or not, by very definition you ARE being trained when your Dom is teaching/showing/telling you what he likes. He is training you how to do things the way he likes them. Telling you how he likes his coffee, showing you how to make his bed just the right way, even how to please him the best way sexually, that is all a part of being trained to be the best sub or slave that you can be for him. Training doesn't have to be formal, it's simply the act of teaching, or being taught.


< Message edited by shylilbear -- 2/12/2012 9:13:34 AM >

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RE: Training Method - 2/12/2012 9:50:54 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear

I'm not sure why people get so twisted up over training.
For two reasons:

1) Because within the BDSM community it gets over used as an euphemism for tie you up, beat you, suck my cock and then I'll fuck you.

2) Because most of us just interact with each other and learn each others likes and dislikes......just like a vanilla relationship. Learning how your SO likes to have things done does not exist solely within D/s relationship. Besides, if learning how someone likes things is training.....then I have trained him too.




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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Training Method - 2/12/2012 10:00:31 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't have a problem with it, but Oside is right - it's often misused. A lot of guys who say they "specialize in training new subs" really just mean "this is my way to get an easy lay."
I don't automatically write people off who use the term, though - I just try to figure out what they mean.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Training Method - 2/13/2012 2:51:31 AM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline 		I was not aware the word training already has negative connotations in the scene like findom to me.

I will give you another example what I see as training and not just teachin/telling what you like.

I call it the Geisha training where I instruct the sub, how it is to live like a geisha and the function of a tea ceremony among other things.
I teach about the traditional ways and meanings and how I incorporate it into our world.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Training Method - 2/13/2012 1:57:14 PM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		Training is just making me get used to doing things his way. Easy! I tells me to do things, and I do them. After repeating the action (how he likes his coffee, food, etc.) he has me trained.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Training Method - 2/13/2012 8:59:06 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		A formal tea ceremony is definitely something that requires training -- lots of steps and movements that all have meaning. Interesting stuff. ^_^ Some "high protocol" people incorporate it, or a modified version, into their various rituals.

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RE: Training Method - 2/14/2012 11:16:48 AM   
MrBukani


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Training Method - 2/14/2012 10:16:39 PM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

As a self proclaimed Pro at topping from the bottom, it isn't always a good thing and isn't something to be encouraged, unless you like a challenge. Topping From The Bottom usually indicates a displinary issue which should be addressed, you would need to find out why the person is doing it. Are they doing it because they like punishment? if so then you might need to change the way you punish them, if you punish them by spanking them and they deliberately get into trouble by doing that then your encouraging the behaviour, in order to stop this behavior use spanking as a reward as with any activity if they disobey to get a certain reaction then you need to show them that it will not be tolerated, instead of spanking them as they would prefer put them in the corner or have them put their nose up against a door for a certain amount of time (this worked wonders for me as I hated doing it and reminded me that that sort of behaviour would have a negative consequence)



No matter how many time I see the theory above or how many ways I hear it described. That is the crust of it. You will never get the obedience you are looking for unless you learn what is liked (use for reward) and what isn't (use for punishment). Be consistent and it works wonders. That is unless you like a little disobedience.


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Training Method - 2/15/2012 9:01:58 AM   
xssve


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Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

A formal tea ceremony is definitely something that requires training -- lots of steps and movements that all have meaning. Interesting stuff. ^_^ Some "high protocol" people incorporate it, or a modified version, into their various rituals.
It can be used to obtain a desired outcome, expand a given skill set, or be a fetish in itself - the last is probably the most common, and it's often used to establish a hierarchy, i.e., a teacher student relationship which is technically a D/S power exchange.

Beyond fetish, it implies one has some skills to impart, which is not always the case, but it's a legitimate form of play.

Training someone without their knowledge is a skill that is difficult to teach, as it requires extreme sensitivity to the subjects mindset, psychology and social psychology in general - see marketing, politics, psy-ops, etc. - most people cannot be induced to do things they don't want to do in that fashion, military training for example, often requires rigorous physical and mental training in order to get people to charge into machine gun fire, or even kill someone, which the average person is simply and sensibly, not willing to do without some conditioning and preparation.

And, unless it's something they want to do and enjoy doing, in the end, it won't take - even highly trained military don't go around shooting people in inappropriate circumstances in response to aggressive stimuli, other than a relatively tiny statistical minority, and that is probably not the result of the training itself, but a pre-existing condition.


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RE: Training Method - 2/15/2012 9:04:20 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear

I'm not sure why people get so twisted up over training.
For two reasons:

1) Because within the BDSM community it gets over used as an euphemism for tie you up, beat you, suck my cock and then I'll fuck you.


You forgot the lap dance.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Training Method - 2/15/2012 10:01:58 AM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline 		I made this thread for several reasons.

1 To see if people wanted to share good links to certain threads, since a lot complain the same subjects re occur a lot. What is usual on most forums.
2 To see if people are willing to share methods. I know a lot like theirs secret but hey.
3 I have a genuine intrest for these things.
4 To show what happens to most forums. They seem to be dying out.

There is not a lot of interesting threads goin on anymore. Too bad.

Could have talked about how I incorporate tai chi training, physical training, self defense training, psychological training, ettiquette training etc.

I know there are a lot of people who dont want to have a discussion with me anymore, because I have 'false' ideas about things in your little bdsm world.
I dont really care.
You are destroying your own platform wich could be a lot of fun. I enjoy the people who disagree with me most.
Sometimes I learn, sometimes they confirm my opinion.
I wish you a good day.
End of training session.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Training Method - 2/15/2012 10:05:05 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Well why not talk about those things? How do you incorporate tai chi practice into your relationships? Self defense is good for anyone.
Nnot everyone thinks it's silly. :p give it a shot.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Training Method - 2/15/2012 4:18:30 PM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline 		When BDSM is a lifestyle you can incorporate almost anything into a relationship, like puttin on a pot of coffee.
I don't call myself a master because I am dominant.
I was taught by masters in various skills like tai chi,yoga, karate, kung fu, capoeira,krav maga
dancing, cooking, serving, weapons, history etc.
I can show somebody how to get in touch with every fibre in their body with tai chi.
I can show somebody how to train with most martial arts and I am still learning myself about other arts like pentjak silat.
All this is not just good for self defense, it will give the sub stamina and strength for long sessions.
It will intensify her orgasms.
It will teach her about respect, different cultures and rituals.
All experience can enrich the sexual and spiritual relationship.
My sub will not be a stupid worthless bitch, she will become an amazon.
To each his own.
Nothing silly Lilly.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Training Method - 2/15/2012 10:10:05 PM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline 		I like this mode of thinking. I mean it just make sense. I want a sub/slave but I don't want someone that won't strive to better themselves. That is not what submissive mean. I speak from the experience of a woman that wanted to be a slave but was a topper from the bottom. Didn't want to learn or do nothing not pertaining to BDSM. Stating that she only wanted to be a good slave. Don't get me wrong it was good for a while. But in the end even if you want to be the best BDSM slave you can be. When all that runs off I want someone I can discuss philosophy, Greek Mythology, sci-fi, dance with, and teach things. That's the most valuable sub/slave in my mind. You can't teach someone that is resistant to it even if you are the best Domme in the world. A lot of them say mold me into what you want me to be. Then when you try they resist because of their ideas of what they should be molded to. Training can be a really good thing if you have the right sub/slave but I am beginning to find that is a rare thing....and so I am still looking for an amazon or two. Training to me is BDSM D/s of course but it should also include all the other things that will make the sub/slave a better person and also someone I can relate to on all levels as well.

< Message edited by DommesLesEnigma -- 2/15/2012 10:33:05 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Training Method - 2/16/2012 3:34:11 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		See, that's cool, Mr Bukani - you're in the position to teach those skills - most people would agree that that is training.
I don't think most people are in the position to do much of those things, teaching tai chi, self-defense, etc, so it may not occur to them to do so.
But that would be a great way to personally invest in your /s-chick's self-improvement.
A lot of people use things like this as part of their rituals, just generally less formal activities, like kneeling and meditation. Different ways to inspire focus. Etc etc...
Then you've also created someone who can participate in these areas of your life, too.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Training Method - 2/16/2012 7:50:39 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

When BDSM is a lifestyle you can incorporate almost anything into a relationship, like puttin on a pot of coffee.
I don't call myself a master because I am dominant.
I was taught by masters in various skills like tai chi,yoga, karate, kung fu, capoeira,krav maga
dancing, cooking, serving, weapons, history etc.
I can show somebody how to get in touch with every fibre in their body with tai chi.
I can show somebody how to train with most martial arts and I am still learning myself about other arts like pentjak silat.
All this is not just good for self defense, it will give the sub stamina and strength for long sessions.
It will intensify her orgasms.
It will teach her about respect, different cultures and rituals.
All experience can enrich the sexual and spiritual relationship.
My sub will not be a stupid worthless bitch, she will become an amazon.
To each his own.
Nothing silly Lilly.




I suppose people don't think this is 'training' in the BDSM and Kink sense. I think they mostly equate 'training' to 'learning how to please the d-type in the relationship'.

I think training can incorporate anything. You 'train' to become good at your job - it's the same as 'training' to be your D-types best s-type

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Profile   Post #: 39
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