RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract?

RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

RaspberryLemon -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/15/2012 9:40:14 PM)
Some include contracts in their relationships, some do not. Some think that contracts are absolutely ridiculous and yet some swear by them. You will find on the forums here that contracts are generally an unpopular potential facet of M/s or D/s for the most part; however, don't let that necessarily put you off from it. It's personal preference. If you want a contract, great. If not, also great. If you do want one, though, I believe it's something that should be drafted up mutually--all parties together writing it up after all of the terms have been negotiated and agreed upon in the relationship--not something that someone should come to you with as a pre-written composition expecting anyone to fall into that structure without any prior communication or getting to know one another and each other's needs, desires, and goals. That being said, my Master and I do personally have a contract. We find it to be a useful tool for outlining the structure of our dynamic, and to us it signifies something along the lines of a written form of my collar. It's not legally binding, as no contract of this nature will ever be, but it is to us morally binding, and it outlines expectations and thus, it accomplishes its purpose. Our contract looks nothing like the one in your OP post. Our contract has no "duration" (it is indefinite) and it is meant to be a more general and all-encompassing outline of our roles and responsibilities--nothing too specific or micromanage-y because although our contract is a living document that can be changed upon mutual agreement, the more specific rituals, rules, or requests that essentially equate to my Master's whim and present desire are things best kept out of the contract, as they are not a rigid part of the structure of our dynamic. I feel like including these smaller and more specific details is rather redundant, but whatever floats your boat. The contract you posted would not be something I would ever personally sign--there are plenty of things in there that I don't agree with and that violate my values and morals, and there are also many things in there I believe that should have been included that have not been. It seems almost sloppily written and certainly not tailored to an individual couple--more of a fantasy contract that some wanker came up with independent of actual concern for a specific partner/relationship. That aside, are the terms in said contract agreeable to you? If yes and you've really thought that through, then it's all good and who are any of us to tell you that you can't do what you want? However, if the terms are not agreeable or you feel there are necessary things that have been left out, I would advise that you reject this potential contract and either insist on getting to know each other and mutual negotiation first, or move on to the next potential suitor for a relationship that will be a more reasonable match.

JeffBC -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/15/2012 10:52:22 PM)
Well, I'm not much a one for contracts. If I was, I wouldn't like this one. Much of it appears somewhat fantasy based which leads me to question the actual abilities and/or experience of the dom. It also appears pretty lop-sided to me. The dom agrees to a bunch of vague generalities whereas the sub agrees to a ton of very specific and very significant things. All that being said, if it floats your boat AND you know this guy well enough that it's reasonable to agree to all this, then knock yourself out. For Carol and I, the contract if written goes something like this, "Carol agrees to do whatever I tell her to until she doesn't."

sirsholly -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 5:36:21 AM)
quote: SO what is your take on this.. [image]http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/bsbullf.gif[/image]

ProlificNeeds -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 5:45:43 AM)
Having a contract to clear up expectations is good, that one in particular is a load of crap. Also, such contracts that involve any sort of illegal concepts such as... slavery... are clearly going to be laughed at in any legal sense. They are for fun not for legal premise. Write your OWN contract of things you expect from any prospective partner.

GreedyTop -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 5:55:45 AM)
JEFF!! hugs welcome back!! I hoep you and Carol are well!!

Hellion64 -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 6:58:31 AM)
We don't have a 'contract'. We have written up a set of 'rules', which really consist of us both agreeing to communicate with everything.

SailingBum -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 9:39:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: SO what is your take on this.. [image]http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/bsbullf.gif[/image] Hey babeeee where ya been? In any event glad to see ya back... BadOne

RumpusParable -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 12:46:45 PM)
Personally, I found it pretty bad and extremely long-winded. For example, one part that stood out to me in the very beginning: that it's part of the contract that the dominant is to enjoy the first three clauses set out to him. How in the world can someone contractually dictate what they will enjoy? Foolishness.

lostinmyownmind -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 12:54:19 PM)
That was....entertaining. Someone is very much full of himself. There's a fine line between a Dominant and an asshole and this one is walking it.

Madame4a -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 2:35:29 PM)
There you go... that's a huge argument in our house... better yet... who's going to clean the cat boxes? [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: dianddra who is going to take out the trash?

crazyml -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 5:22:42 PM)
Hmmm. So here's the thing. If the writer of this "contract" seriously views it as a contract, something that would be enforceable and defensible then I just don't know the right words to express how stupid he must be - But "cunt", "buffoon" and "wantwit" would surely feature. Now if it's just intended as a way to outline a set of expectations then it's up to you do decide whether his expectations are a good fit with yours. Personally, I think someone would have to be as mad as a sack of cats to give up 90% of her income with a very real likelihood that she'll never see the remaining 10%. But you know... I just wouldn't even get that far. The very fact that it's dressed up as a legal document would cause my jackass-o-meter to explore.

Aileen1968 -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 6:27:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missingtouch I had this sent to me today from a Dom asking my thoughts. This is new to me. SO what is your take on this.. SAMPLE CONTRACT This contract dated (day) of (month), 20(yr) is the complete and entire agreement between the signatories. I _ (Dom) , being of sound mind and body, hereinafter referred to as "Dom" and (sub/slave) , being of sound mind and body, hereinafter referred to as "sub"("slave"). The terms of this agreement will begin on (day) of (month), 20(yr) at (time) a.m./p.m. and will remain in effect for a period of (duration) month(s)(year(s) ending on (day) of (month), 20(yr) at (time) a.m./p.m. This contract shall also become null and void immediately upon request of the injured party following any material breach of the contract. Should the injured party agree to continue with the contract following any material breach, the broken clause shall still remain in effect for the remaining terms of the contract. DOM Dom shall be responsible for keeping sub/slave safe at all times. Dom will not allow or make sub/slave scene with any minors or animals at any time. Dom will do everything within His power to train, educate, instruct, shape and mold sub into best sub/slave possible. Dom will receive pleasure from the activities outlined in clause 3 above. Dom shall pick out the entire wardrobe of sub/slave when they are going out in public, however, Dom may instruct sub/slave to pick out said wardrobe and punish sub/slave for selecting an inappropriate outfit after sub/slave has received proper training on appropriate outfits for public display. Dom shall set up a financial account for sub/slave in order to allow sub/slave to have funds to start over shall Dom and sub/slave decide to go their separate ways for whatever reason. Should the sub/slave materially breach this contract and Dom decides that this contract then becomes null and void these funds will not be made available to sub/slave. This will consist of ten percent of any and all revenue that sub/slave generates while working outside the home. Said account shall require two signatures to withdraw funds. Dom will pay all bills from the pooled revenue of Dom and sub/slave. Dom shall read sub/slave's journal on a regular basis and agrees to not punish sub/slave for anything posted therein Dom shall respect and honor the invocation of the safe word (______) by sub/slave. Dom will stretch sub/slave's limits to help sub/slave grow in the life and position. Dom will respect all hard limits of sub/slave as follows - no minors, no animals, no scat. (List whatever is appropriate.) Dom shall look for female partner(s) for Dom and/or sub/slave to scene with. This scene is to occur a minimum of once every three months during the duration of this contract. If partner is to just scene with sub/slave, Dom will be present to watch. Dom may have sexual contact (penile penetration) with both subs/slaves during these scenes. Dom agrees to work with sub/slave on any new interests that sub/slave discovers. Whereas both parties will be working outside the home, Dom and sub/slave shall share in housework as enumerated by Dom. Dom shall inform sub/slave the reason for any punishment. Periodically during the punishment Dom will remind sub/slave the reason for the punishment although that can come from the sub/slave in the form of "Why are you being punished?" with an appropriate response from the sub/slave. Whereas Dom believes that family is important Dom will not keep sub/slave from staying in touch with their family and will not unreasonably withhold trips for sub/slave to visit their family. Should the Dom allow the sub/slave to scene with anyone the Dom shall be present during the entire scene in order to assure that the sub/slave is unharmed and not forced to do anything on sub/slaves hard limit list. SUB/SLAVE Sub/slave agrees to maintain body by regular bathing and all other routine body care (e.g. brushing teeth, etc.). Sub/slave shall maintain clean shaven genitalia, legs and arm pits at all times, unless instructed otherwise by Dom. Sub/slave agrees to study BDSM on a daily basis, including but not limited to, searching the internet, reading books, attending BDSM munches and/or other BDSM activities.. Sub/slave shall journal daily including but not limited to - thoughts, concerns, what was learned and possible new interests to explore. Sub/slave agrees to accept any permanent mark that Dom desires, anywhere on their body, indicating ownership by Dom. Sub/slave shall bring and show honor and respect to Dom at all times. Sub/slave agrees to never remove ownership collar at any time. Sub/slave shall sit at the right foot of the Dom, whenever Dom is sitting, whenever and wherever feasible. Sub/slave is not to wear any underwear unless necessary. Sub/slave will sleep naked. Sub/slave shall make themselves available for use by Dom in anyway Dom desires at anytime Dom desires whenever feasible, within the terms of this contract. Sub/slave shall not have any sexual contact at any time without permission from Dom. Sub/slave shall not orgasm without permission from Dom. Sub/slave shall not invoke the safe word unless absolutely necessary. Sub/slave agrees to look for and find female partner(s) for Dom and/or sub to scene with a minimum of every three months for the duration of this contract. If found partner is to only scene with sub, Dom shall be present to watch. Dom may have sexual intercourse (penile penetration) with both subs/slaves during these scenes. While this is a goal, due to the nature of this, failure to accomplish is not cause for termination of this contract, but will result in punishment of sub/slave. Sub/slave agrees to allow Dom to scene with others as long as there is no penile penetration. Sub/slave agrees to service in anyway, within the terms of this contract, anybody Dom desires. Dom will be present at all times during these activities to make sure that sub/slave is safe. If Dom and sub/slave are present at an event and sub witnesses something they desire to experience Dom will not unreasonably withhold permission of sub/slave to participate. Should Dom and sub/slave find a mutually agreeable partner(s) who fits into the family dynamics well, sub/slave agrees to accept said partner(s) into the family. Dom, sub and potential new partner(s) will sit down together to draft a mutually acceptable contract between all parties involved. The new contract may or may not replace this contract. Sub/slave shall count each stroke when being punished by flogging, caning, etc. and also must thank Dom following each stroke. These terms are mutually agreed to by the affixing of the respective signatures below. ______(Dom)______ ___/__/___ (sub/slave) ___/___/____ (Dom's signature) (date) (sub/slave signature) (date) I think contracts are ridiculous. It's a relationship. Not a job.

Kana -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/16/2012 10:45:03 PM)
We made a contract of the heart. Then we based it on 3 easy rules-she exists in my life to serve, please and obey. That's it. That's our TPE in all it's super duper, extremely complicated enormity and glory. How bout them apples?

missingtouch -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 9:24:11 AM)
Thank you for your thoughts on the subject. I was asked about contracts, I think honestly its crap. The example I was shown was so full of its self. Its very one sided. But hearing other's thoughts were right on que.

mnottertail -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 9:29:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missingtouch Thank you for your thoughts on the subject. I was asked about contracts, I think honestly its crap. The example I was shown was so full of its self. Its very one sided. But hearing other's thoughts were right on que. Well, for people who are sort of ---I don't know---compelled by the committment to follow thru on their word when reminded, or like reading........... 'the contract' can be a powerful thing. Of course it is in whole and in part unenforceable and can be just as good a toy as say a flogger.............its a mental thing, but if you aint into the game.........hey, you aint into it.

kitkat105 -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 10:19:18 AM)
I think it's a bit much and extremely long winded. If you are being open, honest and communicating with each other daily, you'll know the expectations of each other. I always think of contracts pertaining to business arrangements, not a relationship. Shouldn't your loyalty, trust, love (etc) for your Dom be your guide and motivator? At the risk of sounding supremely corny, your submission is a gift and at the end of the day, you're the one with the power because unless you submit to him, there is no contract, no relationship. In my relationship, there are goals and tasks set out, but this is for both our benefit and for the benefit of our relationship.

sexyred1 -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 2:31:32 PM)
I don't think submission is a "gift". I don't do contracts, I do relationships. I would laugh my head off if someone showed or asked me to deal with anything like the OP posted.

OsideGirl -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 2:58:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I don't think submission is a "gift". I don't think so either.....but that's a thread that's been beaten to death, so I won't go into it.

Killerangel -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 4:08:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missingtouch Thank you for your thoughts on the subject. I was asked about contracts, I think honestly its crap. The example I was shown was so full of its self. Its very one sided. But hearing other's thoughts were right on que. Here's the thing though....you were asked about contracts from someone you don't seem to know very well. I think it's one thing to be asked to participate in one with someone you're invested in, rather than just being asked about an intimate subject by someone you hardly know. I like pleasing people when I know them, most of the guys on here if they'd approach me with a contract I'd laugh. I get why some people like them, they aren't for me personally. It seems to me that on every contract I've ever seen it's one -sided with the heavier onus for tasks or regulations on the submissive, while the Dominant seems to get by on general concepts. I also remember bracelet man...he wanted a lot of very specific things from his woman, but on his side all he had to offer were some hazy "I will do the best for the relationship" type things. That's my beef with contracts - they're usually too one-sided to work. They seem to be a fantasy type thing for guys who don't seem to know how to have a decent working relationship and think a contract is a shortcut to obtaining that.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract? (2/17/2012 5:24:06 PM)
I got as far as "SAMPLE CONTRACT" and threw up a little in my mouth. If it can't just be "living", I am not going to do it. A contract would made me giggle then walk.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625