RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we are in the D/s dynamic and when not?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we are in the D/s dynamic and when not?

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RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/21/2012 7:41:19 AM

Atherton

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/13/2012
Status: offline

Frankly, I don't have the time in my life to go look at your profile, nor do I have the slightest interest. It was a hateful thing to say. Suck it up.

As far as passing that kind of a judgement on two people's interactions you weren't part of, that's utterly ridiculous, and just as I described.

I'm not going to debate this with you anymore. Think whatever you want, I couldn't care less.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 21

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/21/2012 7:43:04 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

FYI,

you could care less. the other is nonsensical.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Atherton)

Post #: 22

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/21/2012 7:49:37 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Frankly, I don't have the time in my life to go look at your profile, nor do I have the slightest interest.

psst - post count is found under a poster's avatar.

quote:

It was a hateful thing to say. Suck it up.

Actually, recommending one not getting emotionally involved before meeting is VERY good advice.

quote:

As far as passing that kind of a judgement on two people's interactions you weren't part of, that's utterly ridiculous, and just as I described.

Lol, you INVITED judgment on two people's interactions with your OP!

quote:

I'm not going to debate this with you anymore. Think whatever you want, I couldn't care less.

Riiiiiiiiiight.

(in reply to Atherton)

Post #: 23

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/21/2012 7:54:16 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atherton

Frankly, I don't have the time in my life to go look at your profile, nor do I have the slightest interest. It was a hateful thing to say. Suck it up.

As far as passing that kind of a judgement on two people's interactions you weren't part of, that's utterly ridiculous, and just as I described.

I'm not going to debate this with you anymore. Think whatever you want, I couldn't care less.

Wow.

Does the word psycho hit too close to home or what OP? Things seemed ok till you went off the deep end here in the above post. For the record I though OsideGirl had a point with your behavior seeming a bit off course. She was talking about your behavior, not you - you've chosen to make it personal...why?

(in reply to Atherton)

Post #: 24

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/21/2012 7:56:51 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Von Berlin. Moeglich besser als verstanden wird englisch gesprochen. Oder?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 25

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/21/2012 9:20:26 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atherton
As far as passing that kind of a judgement on two people's interactions you weren't part of, that's utterly ridiculous, and just as I described.

You mean the interaction you posted on a public forum asking for advice?

Over the weekend, a group of friends were over and we discussed this post. Bottom line is that every Dom male in the room said they'd view your behavior as unstable and would either slow it down or end it completely. One quote was "I'd be afraid she's a 'bunny boiler'".

Your subsequent rant just keeps proving my point. You're not able to take a step back and look at your behavior. Instead, you're trying to play the victim and make it a personal attack.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Atherton)

Post #: 26

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 12:13:06 AM

Yin2Yang

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/18/2012
Status: offline

I'm with you on this OsideGirl. If she would have questioned me on how much time I spent on this site and we haven't even met in person yet I would have backed off or dropped it completley. Coming here and asking for opinions and then throwing a fit when the general consensus is her actions were a bit on the psycho side pretty much confirmed your post.
OP wasn't looking for advice, she was looking for someone to qualify and condone her actions.

_____________________________

Life is like a box of........ Legos. It can be anything you make of it.
The masochist says to the sadist, “Hurt me, hurt me!” Very calmly, and with a look of satisfying pleasure, the sadist answers, “No.”

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 27

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 12:46:20 AM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

Eh, I ask it all the time.... i dont think its psycho or inappropriate, perhaps at this point of talking but if my partners on the site often and isnt a member of the forums...

Most people who i ask have responded with the truth, and understood why i was uncomfortable or asking.... and we talked about it like rational adults... Why i was feeling insecure and what could we maybe do to make me feel more secure in my place in His life.... (usually us not being able to see or talk to each other because of distance or schedules and no regular communication)

Those who didnt understand or made a huge deal about it, actually had something to hide and thats why they made the fuss... to make it seem like it was all on me... While, it is my issue.... its usually caused by something on both of our ends...

How many of you feel insecure, just because it was tuesday?

But two plus two equals 4.. and if it doesnt you have a problem..

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to Yin2Yang)

Post #: 28

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 1:18:26 AM

acquiescentheart

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/17/2011
Status: offline

You wrote, "I have also privately spoken to several very experienced Doms, who all told me that he acted unreasonably and unfairly toward me, and that what I asked wasn't such a big deal, and that they had even had subs ask them that before."

Of course those "very experienced Doms" are going to validate you. They want to get in your pants. Silly girl.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 29

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 1:48:24 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

FYI,

you could care less. the other is nonsensical.

Actually, Ron. This is a common mis-conception/mis-use.

If someone could care less, it means they care to some degree (it actually suggests that they care, quite a bit).

If someone couldn't care less, it means they don't care even a little bit. There's no "less" for them to care.

Kudos to the OP for using it correctly (one of my pet peaves)!

Down near the bottom

Now, for the OP, I wouldn't have gotten angry at you asking a question (depending upon how it was asked) but, as others have said the implication that he lied to you makes it seem like you're just looking for an abuser and you've decided that he's the one.

I don't mean that I think he'd actually abuse you. I mean that now, you can feel like a "victim" because he lied to you.

Ya know, I have a horrible memory. It's atrocious. It's a condition that I have to live/die with. I was just on the phone with my girl last night and she asked: "Daddy, before we hang up can you open that envelope so I can hear your reaction?"

Not five mother-fuckin' minutes later, I got ready to get off the phone and she said: "We'll open the envelope, tomorrow, then?" I know this seems like it isn't speaking to the issue but I'm getting there.

She understands that I have a horrible memory so, instead of painting me as her abuser ("You never take what I want into account"), she gently reminded me that I had "promised" to do something (which I promptly forgot, of course) and the issue never became an issue.

I am a very lucky man, indeed.

Whether it's true or not, I'm sure this guy with whom you were communicating, thinks that you were showing similar signs.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 2/23/2012 1:54:11 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 30

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 6:43:53 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Eh, I ask it all the time.... i dont think its psycho or inappropriate

There's a difference between asking and behaving in a jealous manner.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 31

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 8:40:34 AM

SoftBonds

Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

You know, it is funny, I'm a dom, and I have a sub in mind (I hope she knows it too), and I'm on the collarme site all the time.
Partially, because she only has a phone to communicate right now, and seeing if she is on collarme lets me know I can ping her in IM.
Partially because I go and look at her profile when I talk to her. I don't have it memorized, I was too lazy to copy/paste it into wordpad, and frankly it lets me kill two birds with one stone.
And partially because I have a crappy internet connection right now, and I use collarme to open collarchat.
Oh, and I'm too lazy to log on, so I just leave both sites open 24/7...
My sub has not asked me about it. If she asked, I'd probably give her the answers above. But I think she is willing to take things slowly too. It will happen when it happens.
If you are not the one paying for the plane ticket, I'd say your Dom is the one taking the risk. He has made a pretty huge commitment paying for a plane ticket, so I can see how he might get upset that you were questioning his commitment...
Now if you paid for the plane ticket, that is different...

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 12:19:06 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

eeerrrr....you two have never even met yet. You're both still free to seek others, talk to others, etc....He's not your Master, he's not even your boyfriend...just a guy you have never met but you think you might like if all the connections are there in real life.

Then again, both Master and I are on here all the time. It doesn't bother us either way.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 33

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/23/2012 12:22:03 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

OP, it's in his kiss.............that's where it is...............

DooWopDom

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 34

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/24/2012 10:21:35 AM

GloriousMorning

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atherton

So, I guess my question is....does it sound like he’s playing me (i.e., he’s just a player/not serious and still looking for other subs)? Or is this part of our D/s dynamic (i.e., him getting cross with me and punishing me by denying me him--the worst punishment as far as I'm concerned)?

Other people may feel differently, but I don't believe that getting cross with some one and then denying the other person access to them, particularly under the guise of "punishment", is a healthy response to asking your partner a question. If this was to be a dynamic of my relationship, I don't believe I could get behind that.

It could also be that he felt his privacy was being somehow invaded and/or his integrity being questioned, and he reacted in a strong way. Again, only communication can resolve that, not withdrawal, in my opinion. If it were me, I might be uncomfortable if someone I had not even met began to question my online activities.

There could be something fishy going on, only time will tell, but I dont believe it is unusual to be wary of some one you have not met or interacted with much. Im not a sceptic so much as I believe in looking at some one's actions, before words.

(in reply to Atherton)

Post #: 35

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/24/2012 11:28:23 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GloriousMorning
If this was to be a dynamic of my relationship, I don't believe I could get behind that.

There is no relationship.

They've only been talking and they have not met yet. So, she's questioning the behavior of someone and behaving in a jealous manner towards someone that has no commitment to her what so ever.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GloriousMorning)

Post #: 36

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/24/2012 3:10:45 PM

GloriousMorning

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: GloriousMorning
If this was to be a dynamic of my relationship, I don't believe I could get behind that.

There is no relationship.

They've only been talking and they have not met yet. So, she's questioning the behavior of someone and behaving in a jealous manner towards someone that has no commitment to her what so ever.

Agreed, that could be the case here, but I was speaking in general terms. If this was any indication of the dynamic the relationship was going to operate upon, (ie: silence as a form of "punishment") Id be more likely to give that relationship a pass.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 37

RE: How do I know he's for real / how do I know when we... - 2/24/2012 3:53:37 PM

Thaelog

Posts: 32
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline

The unfortunate truth, as a few have pointed out here, is that online really is only fantasy. Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does. The truth is where the rubber meets the road... or your chosen body part as it were.

There is so much more to human attraction. I would urge some circumspection on your part until you meet someone in person. Basing expectations for a relationship solely on online interactions is building your house on shifting sands in my opinion.

In this particular case I cannot take it as a good sign of things to come if he is not willing to address your concerns. Not that he owes you an explanation of his actions, but he should be willing to explain to you the reasons why he chooses not to.

As far as you being too jealous or intrusive he should be a big boy and decide for himself whether or not he is willing to accept that as part of what goes along with you. If the only way he can deal with it is to be defensive then he really suffers from insecurity and a lack of imagination. Not two things I would think are desirable in a Dom.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 38

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