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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:05:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein



My favourite is Woody Allen's 'Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.'

I'm wondering about the subject of masturbation. If everyone feels emotion and lust to be so inextricably connected, how are they able to crack off those sherbert fountains with porny pics or, indeed, those floods-in-the-basement with dildos or rampant rabbits? I have to admit I've never thought of sending a porn model flowers and I somehow doubt that women lovingly cuddle up to their dildos after sex and ask them 'what you thinking?' .




*snort*!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:14:17 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Man, I am just SOOOOO much more evolved than you two. sheez.

~shakes head~

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:20:39 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		gawd, Jeff.. do you think I would argue that, at least in my own case?? SHEESH!! LOL!! *hugs to you both*

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:22:06 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein



My favourite is Woody Allen's 'Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.'

I'm wondering about the subject of masturbation. If everyone feels emotion and lust to be so inextricably connected, how are they able to crack off those sherbert fountains with porny pics or, indeed, those floods-in-the-basement with dildos or rampant rabbits? I have to admit I've never thought of sending a porn model flowers and I somehow doubt that women lovingly cuddle up to their dildos after sex and ask them 'what you thinking?' .




We've been over this. I NEVER ASK MEN WHAT THEY ARE THINKING. I know the answer already.

And isn't self love the sincerest kind of love? I know just what I like, and when. Brilliant, really.

On the other hand, sherbet fountains may have been ruined for me forever.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:25:33 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		dammit, Hibbie, I managed to pretend that wasn't there, until you repeated it!! BAD HIBBIE!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:26:54 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		OH, you USED to like sherbet fountains too? There is serious glaring happening here, believe me!


For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, Linkage: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherbet_(powder)#Sherbet_Fountain (though I confess I hate black licorice, I just like the powder)

< Message edited by LadyHibiscus -- 2/19/2012 12:28:32 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:45:31 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I'm wondering about the subject of masturbation. If everyone feels emotion and lust to be so inextricably connected, how are they able to crack off those sherbert fountains with porny pics.

Interesting question. I hadn't really connected those two in that way. For me personally, it's not that I find emotions necessary to masturbate. When I do so, I may be looking at "porny pics" but I'm not really thinking about "her" at all. It's reduced down to visual input -- breasts, thighs, etc. I wouldn't want to meet the model. Nor do I want to meet the fantasy version of the model.

I guess to me, without a loving connection I see [actual] sex with another [actual] human as messy.... messy in every way. At best it seems not worth the hassle and at worst generates a serious "ewwwww" response.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:55:12 PM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein



My favourite is Woody Allen's 'Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.'

I'm wondering about the subject of masturbation. If everyone feels emotion and lust to be so inextricably connected, how are they able to crack off those sherbet fountains with porny pics or, indeed, those floods-in-the-basement with dildos or rampant rabbits? I have to admit I've never thought of sending a porn model flowers and I somehow doubt that women lovingly cuddle up to their dildos after sex and ask them 'what you thinking?' .




For me, I tend to use porn when my imagination is underactive. It's not at all about the actors/actresses in the porn...it's about putting myself in the scenario with a fantasy partner. This will sound a little crazy, but I don't watch or use interracial porn because I'm honestly not sexually attracted to black men. It's not a race thing, it's a personal preference thing - i'm not any less attracted to them than i am to men shorter than me, both are equally uninteresting in a sexual way. The men in any porn to interest me also have to be tall, not scrawny, and preferably dark-haired, because those are my tastes. I need it to be a scenario I could put myself in and be aroused for it to have any impact.....otherwise, it's just messy grunting.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:57:58 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Watching porn and masturbating... just not even RELATED for me. Porn is entertainment like any other movie. Masturbation is all about meeeeee. Really, I should do it more often.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:59:44 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		porn is fun! I can't stop giggling! or doing *ahem* "FASHION/DECOR" critiques!! Never mind soundtrack critiques!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:01:11 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

porn is fun! I can't stop giggling! or doing *ahem* "FASHION/DECOR" critiques!! Never mind soundtrack critiques!



We are truly sisters!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:58:50 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		fr

i have been known to just have sex; one night stands if you will. it's all well and good, but there was always something missing that left me feeling cold and empty afterwards. sex can be just fun, but i'm a very emotional person and so eventually sex alone becomes boring, uninspired, and i then don't want it.

however, emotion mixed with sex is also a strange thing for me. while i loved my ex with every fibre of myself i can count on less than my ten fingers how many times i think we 'made love'. the number i would give is certainly far less than the number he would give. for me there is no such thing as 'making love' unless you really love someone. sex is just sex, but making love has to be so much more. that is all to do with emotion, and both people have to bring that emotion to the sex. it's about depth of emotion and releasing that while having sex. it's the greatest sex there is.

now.....i have said to my playmate before that when we are together it feels like we have sex like a couple. not that we are 'making love' but the depth of connection feels the same as well as the intimate level of it too. i went through a stage that when we had sex i would cry afterwards and i couldn't understand why as it had never happened before with anyone. in the end i realised that it was just emotional release on my part. things were very intence and i was having a tough time fitting together how i felt about everything. once i'd sorted that out the tears stopped. for me our sex life is great, in fact it's bloody amazing and like nothing i've had before. so it does make me wonder what it would be like were we were have that level of feeling for each other...love... and bring that to the table when we have sex. i think that would be pretty mind blowing.

i know everyone is different, however, that is what it is for me. so if i didn't love someone, or they didn't love me then we would never make love. that doesn't mean we couldn't have great sex, but if the connection isn't there then eventually i'll be bored by it.

so....

sex for sex sake.....meh
sex with some level of intimacy and connection.....hell yes
making love with the latter and emotions present.....i wish lol

needles

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 3:24:08 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

1 - Yes. Sex and emotion have a connection for me. Is it usually love? No. Not usually unless I'm with a partner I'm committed to and who I love.

2 - Is physical pleasure greater when emotions are involved? Well, emotions are always involved so I can't answer that. If the question is "Is physical pleasure greater when LOVE is involved?" then I'd have to say not necessarily. The overall fulfillment may be greater when love is involved, but not physical pleasure for me.

3 - "Do emotions (of the appropriate nature) lead to a desire for physical pleasure with the person? Are they completely separate entities?" No. They aren't completely separate entities for me. Alot of different things can lead to a desire for physical pleasure with someone for me. I don't know what emotions of an "appropriate nature" consist of but things other than pure physical attraction can lead me to want to engage in physical pleasure with another person.

Basically, I am a free spirit sexually and always have been. For ME - in MY OWN relationships with others - I do not need to have some big tangle of heartfelt emotions to enjoy becoming physical with him/her. I don't need to love, cherish or value him/her. If I'm attracted to him/her and he/she is attracted to me - for whatever reasons - I am perfectly ok with becoming physical and then walking away with no strings attached at all.

On the other hand, I am capable of falling deeply in love with another person. I have done so in the past and am currently deeply in love with my husband/master. There is a connection there that is DIFFERENT from those with whom I've had casual sex but that connection doesn't necessarily mean the physical sensations of the sex is better/more intense - it's just DIFFERENT.

Someone mentioned being hardwired monogamous. I am definitely hardwired non-monogamous. I am bisexual, polyamourous, non-monogamous, casual and pretty much carefree in the sexual realm. I am not one of the doomsday naysayers who are obsessed with using protection and not becoming fluid bonded and thinking that casual sex kills everytime because it simply doesn't. It is possible to have casual - dare I say even "unprotected" - sex with others without love and deep emotions and enjoy it and survive unscathed and disease-free. I know. I've been doing it for 20-some years

luci





Glad to find a kindred spirit.


_____________________________

~ ftp

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 4:52:46 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess


Glad to find a kindred spirit.


Same here

luci

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 8:32:36 PM   
GloriousMorning


Posts: 171
Joined: 3/18/2009
Status: offline 		For me - it can go either way, sometimes emotions grow and build after becoming intimate with someone, and sometimes feelings grow before the decision to become intimate happens.

For me, sex almost always includes emotions. It's nearly impossible for me to be intimate with someone and not become emotionally involved, even if things don't work out the way we had wanted. Doesn't mean it's always a positive progression, only that I have difficulty embracing the "it's just sex" mindset.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/20/2012 4:05:14 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I'm wondering about the subject of masturbation. If everyone feels emotion and lust to be so inextricably connected, how are they able to crack off those sherbet fountains with porny pics or, indeed, those floods-in-the-basement with dildos or rampant rabbits? I have to admit I've never thought of sending a porn model flowers and I somehow doubt that women lovingly cuddle up to their dildos after sex and ask them 'what you thinking?'

That's easy: I don't masturbate. My sex drive is literally dead without someone to focus on. And, as said in my previous post, that target of focus has to be someone I have strong feelings for. I desire sexual contact with them, but if they are not present I feel no sexual desire at all--I don't ever get the urge to do anything alone with myself. It would just hold no point for me, and it would be incredibly psychologically (and thus, physically) unsatisfying. Even when I'm ordered to touch myself for my Master's viewing, it does nothing for me physically: I'm happy to do what he wants but the mental aspect of my own hands touching me is of no interest to me. I can make it feel "good" in a way, but the pleasure is practically nothing compared to a simple lingering touch of his hand.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/20/2012 4:47:39 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Glad to find a kindred spirit.


Non monogamy, no protection, or both?

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/20/2012 7:33:29 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other.


All huh? Thats a pretty big general statement. BTW - Does your friend get out much?


Oh, I was properly vexed and frustrated by his generalizations. But, he's an anthropologist and studied in human sexuality, and claims it's all fact. I disagree, but thought maybe I was being overly sensitive, or I was being too emotional.

Personally...I don't really care what the human animal was originally born as. I believe cultures evolve for a reason, because base instincts are not satisfactory, because we as humans learn to want and expect more from each other. Maybe it's not how the first humans were born, but I think as human lives have lengthened, we've come to appreciate and desire more connection than simply an able body to procreate with to keep the species going.
In any case, that's bullshit, it isn't the only consideration, but humans are a pair bonding species overall, and emotional connections help us to form lasting pair bonds.

It is, however, a strictly human adaptive trait, not widely shared with other primates in general, so it isn't universal, some people appear wired for monogamy, others for diversity, most probably go through different phases at different periods of their lives.

And, a 50% failure rate for first marriages argues that even emotional connections are not always sufficient to ensure a successful pair bond, monogamy often takes a bit of practice and dedication, it's softwired, rather than hardwired in most people.

< Message edited by xssve -- 2/20/2012 7:34:14 AM >

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/20/2012 8:19:26 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Glad to find a kindred spirit.


Non monogamy, no protection, or both?

Non-monogamy.

As for no protection it depends very much on the circumstances (who, what type of personal information we've shared including testing, nature of our interaction, etc.). I'm not saying that I am not safe. To be clear, I use protection in most cases. But there have been exceptions. Just being honest. And I am completely honest and forthright with my partners, and my partners are free to make whatever decision they personally feel comfortable with around the issue of protection. Nothing is hidden in terms of my approach.

But with some of my even casual partners the risk of HIV has been quite low to non-existent. Also, there are many sexually transmitted diseases that condoms do nothing for, like HPV (the only way to avoid HPV is to not have any sexual activity - but the risk of dying from HPV is low - while having HPV increases the risk of cancer, not everyone who has HPV will develop cancer. The cancer risk from HPV is probably lower than the cancer risk from smoking, for example). And while I am 100% vigilant about using condoms for certain sexual acts with certain genders, there are others where I am less vigilant about doing so. I go to my ob-gyn regularly and I am open and honest with my doctor. Despite years of an active sex life, so far, I have not had any issues. I should add that casual partners for me does not mean one-night stand - I am not into that type of interaction. A casual partner for me is simply someone where there is no monogamous commitment. It could even be someone who I refer to as a bf or gf, but we have not committed monogamy (although sometimes I have been in situations where we were, in fact monogamous, but were not in a promise of monogamy, if that makes sense). Anyway, I've been in many different types of situations and not all of them required no kissing and the use of a condom for every sexual act in order to be safe.

And this is my approach. I certainly am not advocating it for anyone else. But how one chooses to navigate sexual safety is still a personal choice. And for me, a case-by-case approach over the different relationships at different stages of my life has worked well for me.


< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 2/20/2012 8:20:14 AM >

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/20/2012 8:27:15 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		In my view, sex does not equal intimacy. I can do sex without being emotionally involved or intimate with that person and still have fun. Sex between Master and I is better because that intimacy exists. We know each other, I know I can trust and just let go. Because I understand that sex doesn't equal intimacy, I don't really mind if he has sex with someone else as long as he's safe and he's honest with me about it. I'm generally not someone that has sex with other people for a number of reasons, but he also shares those views if I decided that I'd like to engage outside of us.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 60
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