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fucktoyprincess -> RE: being outed as kinky via vanilla friends and how to deal with them.. (2/24/2012 2:04:02 PM)
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FR
Firstly, I'm sorry that your mother and friend found out inadvertently about these interests. I think it is usually better if you can handle how you share information like this with people close to you on your own terms, rather than having them stumble across it. But that bridge has been crossed and there is no way of going back.
Your friend will either come to accept your choices or not, and you will have to determine for yourself how to handle that friendship. You will have to see how things unfold on that front.
I'm having a more difficult time sorting through the fact that the other person who knows is your mother. That's not a relationship that is so easily written off, and I'm at a loss for constructive advice on how to manage that going forward. i.e., is more information better, or less? I really don't know as I haven't had to navigate that kind of situation. So, I feel for you. But at the end of the day, you are an adult, and you are free to make your own choices about your sexuality. And at some point, your mother will have to accept that. I would suggest not being too confrontational with her about it, though, as that will likely backfire completely. If you have a desire to salvage this relationship, it has to be done carefully, I think. And it will take time.
I suspect that she will be able to be more supportive further down the line - i.e., once you have a relationship, I would introduce your BDSM bf to your mother so that she can see (hopefully) that he is nice guy and that you have no difficulty in functioning as a couple in the vanilla world. What I would not do is flaunt the BDSM aspect of your relationship in her face, because it will just make her more concerned. Just as most people don't share the details of their sex life with their parents I wouldn't share aspects of the relationship with her until much further down the line, if ever. So, for example, even if in the other part of your existence you always call him Master in public, you might want to ease up on that in your mother's presence. I'm not asking you to not be true to yourself or your relationship, but just to be respectful of your mother's feelings, too, while she tries to understand this world. And I think the better approach is to show her that, in many ways, this is no different than a vanilla relationship, and the ways in which it is different, perhaps don't need to be flaunted. I am thinking aloud here, as I have never been in this situation, but it would trouble me greatly to have to turn my back on my mother, so for me, it would be important to find some middle ground. [sm=2cents.gif]
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