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Casteele -> RE: I'm NOT stupid! (2/23/2012 8:50:29 PM)
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I'm going to illustrate my thoughts first with a little exercise for the OP. Go find ten profiles at random, truly random, not just ones that somehow stick out or interest you, and read them. Then write to them and tell them exactly who you think they are based upon those profiles. Just be prepared for the responses you'll get, most of them won't be pretty and most will be just like yours; "You don't know a thing about me! Stop making such critical judgments about me based on so little evidence!"
The point to this is that a profile is nothing but an indicator, and indicators are understood from the start that they are ONLY an indicator, not a true, complete and accurate assessment of the material they are representing. While I understand that some or most people may come off as condescending or treating you like you're just a young and foolish girl who doesn't really understand what she's getting in to, and it can be quite frustrating for YOU.. But try to look at it from other perspectives. We see hundreds of profiles that scream "I want this or that" from many foolish young women who truly and really don't understand the full implications of effects of what they think they want. And we hear many bad stories about how they got exactly what they wanted, only to find out they truly did not want it after all.
Your profile and those experiences are all that we have in which to assess you and your desires. I've no doubt that some are the "white knight" type, some are the "I'll be the man who saves you from yourself" type, some are this and some are that, as other have said. But I'm betting that most are simply playing the 80-20 rule: When 80% of the people we see are of the "You really don't know what you are asking for" type, we tend to approach them with that attitude, accepting that we may make the wrong assumption and judgments about the 20% minority. So, if you're in that 20%, my advice is to just get used to it and not let it affect or jade you, or you'll end up miserable no matter what. Reality won't change, not for me, not for you, and the reality is that we're all human beings and act like human beings.
Consider your own post here, for example. Based on the responses you've gotten, you've jumped to assume that nearly anyone who writes such a comment to you is being condescending and assuming that you have not done your homework. While some may have explicitly stated such, have they all? Do you know for absolute fact that all the responses you received which put you off were in fact taking the attitude that you accuse them of taking?
I'm betting that you cannot be certain, you're not perfect and all-knowing. Neither are we.
I'm also betting that based upon something so little as a few words or maybe a few paragraphs in a single email, that you're judging their attitudes and beliefs, and extending that to an absolute, just as you accuse "us" of reading your short profile and making "snap judgments" that you're young and do not know what you are asking for.
So what's the real difference here between you and us? I don't see much. The specifics of the subject matter, maybe, but that's because you know yourself a lot better than we do, as we know ourselves a lot better than you do, do it still is not all that different, is it?
I guess what it comes down to is that if you expect others to meet standard in which you cannot meet yourself, you'll forever end up miserable and jaded. But if you expect others to be just as human as you, and learn to just shrug it off and move on, you'll greatly increase your chances of living happily and fulfilling your own goals and dreams. That is exactly why so many here take the attitude about unwelcome emails of "shrug, delete/ignore, move on, forget about it" rather than trying to "educate the masses about how wrong they are."
I'm actually fascinated by your fantasies and what you are looking for; I'm curious what drives them, and you. I'd already pondered contacting you and asking, but honestly, the way your present yourself in your profile pretty much put me off. It gave me the feeling that you would most likely respond exactly as you have in posting this thread--That you'd jump right in to making the same snap-judgments that you are making in saying that is what others are doing, and being quite harsh about it, rather than engaging in some genuine conversation about the topic. So, you see, how you present yourself really does make a difference, and when you consider how others respond to you, you should also consider how it is that you are presenting yourself that is encouraging others to respond as they have. As you said yourself, you do not exist in a vacuum; What you say and do affects others, and what they say and do affects you.
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