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NY unable to find scene. - 2/24/2012 10:22:18 PM

UnderBlueLight

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/7/2012
Status: offline

I have a weird and kind of silly issue. I have a lot of friends who are involved in the Kink scene, however, most of them are out of state. I live sort of near NYC but the Kink scene there seems so overwhelming. I moved out of NYC years ago and find it just too congested now. I am having a hard time with dating. No one I would be able to date around here would be even remotely interested in what I am looking for. And Orange county NY is not the place for a Kink scene. Any suggestions guy? Any ideas? NYC really my own shot?

Post #: 1

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 12:36:22 AM

MrBukani

Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline

In Amsterdam there is no one to date from this site.
So maybe you should be happy you can pick and choose from the the Big Apple?
Hell I wish I lived in your place, it would be like the garden of eden filled with slutty sweets.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)

Post #: 2

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 12:49:30 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

Most of the people I meet in NE aren't really my type, either. So I'm hoping to visit surrounding areas this spring/summer, and meet people. Gas just hit $3.71 a gallon though so... haha
Still, travelling to other areas might be something you can try.

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Post #: 3

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 12:50:30 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

Try looking in Roanoke, Va. There are thousands of us kinksters here. The place is overflowing with choices!

*checks calendar*

What do you mean today isn't opposite day?

On a slightly more serious note: look at Dressing For Pleasure in Montclairel, NJ.

It isn't close but it used to have decent information available. CAVEAT: Last time I was there was 5 years ago and it wasn't even close to what it was 5 years before that.

My only other suggestion is to go into the City just for the purposes of gleaning information. As much as I dislike going into Manhattan, it can be useful at times.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)

Post #: 4

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 1:13:16 AM

SLRN158782985

Posts: 41
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Most of the people I meet in NE aren't really my type, either. So I'm hoping to visit surrounding areas this spring/summer, and meet people. Gas just hit $3.71 a gallon though so... haha
Still, travelling to other areas might be something you can try.

USD$6.90 in Australia

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Post #: 5

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 1:20:42 AM

MrBukani

Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
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USD$9.11 in Holland

We win. Or did we just loose?

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Post #: 6

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 5:50:29 AM

MusicalBoredom

Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline

I think moving to area is a tricky thing at times. Maybe look at the events posted here or just get to know some people on the message boards. You might not find the person to date but you might at least meet some friends to go with as you get integrated with the local scenes.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)

Post #: 7

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 7:14:22 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

While I used to live in Orange County, at that time I was immersed in the yoga scene, so have no kink advice other than the usual - have you checked fetlife?

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)

Post #: 8

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 10:34:50 AM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

Orange county huh? I know a couple people there. Any ways I know what You mean, I'm a couple hours north of You in Upstate new york, and it's pretty bad. Slim pickings to say the least. I wish I was a couple hours closer to NYC ... :|

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 9

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 11:16:30 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

There's a munch over in Wappingers. And they have play parties occasionally down in Putnam County. I think if you search BDSM Poughkeepsie it comes up. I haven't been so no idea how active they are.

I'm in Southern Ulster and that makes it a long drive for me. If you're in Western Orange it will be a long drive for you also.

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Post #: 10

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/25/2012 1:00:13 PM

Casteele

Posts: 655
Joined: 12/10/2011
From: Near Sacramento, California, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UnderBlueLight

I have a weird and kind of silly issue. I have a lot of friends who are involved in the Kink scene, however, most of them are out of state. I live sort of near NYC but the Kink scene there seems so overwhelming. I moved out of NYC years ago and find it just too congested now. I am having a hard time with dating. No one I would be able to date around here would be even remotely interested in what I am looking for. And Orange county NY is not the place for a Kink scene. Any suggestions guy? Any ideas? NYC really my own shot?

Well, from what I see in your own post, it's a contradiction. YOU are interested in what you are interested in, so there IS at least one person in your area who is interested in the things you are. And I'm not being snarky here, but trying to point out that even though there may not be much of an *active* scene in your area that advertises itself with neon lights, I'm sure there is a good chance that there may be others near you who do share many of the same interests. They probably have the same problem you have, though, and without much of an active scene, they also don't have much chance to get out there and advertise themselves to find others with the same interests. So don't be so quick to write your area off, just realize that you probably have to work harder to find something than you would elsewhere.

My suggestion to you would be to just get out and go places. It doesn't really matter where or what. Everywhere you go, you will meet people from all walks of life, with all kinds of interests. Some will be vanilla, some will be kinks. Some will be open about it, some will, like you, feel there is not enough scene in the area to feel safe letting it show in public. BDSM/Kink lifestyles are not limited to a certain group or type of people. There are people here who are probably upper management or even CEO's of companies, just as there are those here who are mail clerks and trash collectors.

And even if you meet a lot of people who turn out to be vanilla, by expanding your circle of friends, you DO increase your odds that you may meet someone who at least knows someone more in-line with your interests and can introduce you to them. Some of the people I've met in the last year, I've met simply because I made a conscious choice about a year ago to start making some changes in my life. One of these changes was that I was going to start talking to and befriending everyone I meet, no matter where I met them, or how much of an initial interest I had in getting to know them.

I now know the first names of my gas station attendant, my grocery store clerks, my postal workers, the wait-staff where I often eat, and so on. Some of them have become real friends and some have not, and some have become connections to people who they know that did interest me. You simply never really know what's out there until you simply look at what IS out there, rather than trying to narrow it down to only a handful of criteria.

Good luck!

Edit: Spelling and grammar

< Message edited by Casteele -- 2/25/2012 1:01:24 PM >

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)

Post #: 11

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/27/2012 9:03:15 PM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

smh

(in reply to Casteele)

Post #: 12

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 8:07:58 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UnderBlueLight
I live sort of near NYC but the Kink scene there seems so overwhelming. I moved out of NYC years ago and find it just too congested now. I am having a hard time with dating. No one I would be able to date around here would be even remotely interested in what I am looking for. And Orange county NY is not the place for a Kink scene.

Wow! You are really confused.

First of all, you make many assumptions that just aren't true. For example, you said that "No one I would be able to date around here would be even remotely interested in what I am looking for". How do you know that? There are kinky people everywhere. And they're probably looking for other kinky folk, just like you are.

You also said, "Orange county NY is not the place for a Kink scene". I beg to differ. I've participate in kink in some of the most upscale places in America, with some of the most upscale people you could imagine. You would be amazed how many corporate officers (VPs, presidents, CEOs, directors, etc) are kinky. I've seen a mayor at private swinger party before.

But the real problem seems to be that you're just not willing to put in any work to quench your thirst for kink. I live in Upstate NY, and I've traveled to NYC many time for events. I've met and served Dommes in NYC. But I've also driven to Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Ohio, DC, and Canada for events or to meet interesting people. To me, driving up to 8 hours to attend an event or meet a Domme doesn't seem like much of a sacrifice. But you live very close to the Mecca of kink (NYC), and you're not even willing to go there to scratch your itch for kink.

In this life, you only get out as much as you're willing to put in. And it seems obvious to me that you're not really willing to put in very much. So why are you surprised that you're not getting good results from your "search"?

Try harder, young lady. People in places like Minnesota, Kansas, and Alabama wish that they had the abundance of opportunities that are so readily available to you (if you'd only get off of your butt and go to NYC).

Good luck in your search.

ETA: Do a search here on CollarMe, or on FetLife, or Alt, or Craigslist, or AdultFriendFinder, or any other kinky website that you can think of. Set your parameters so that it only searches the state of New York, then watch the literally thousands of profiles that it finds. After doing this exercise, I challenge you to come back here and say that you can't find anyone near you. But once again, if you're not willing to put in any effort, then you'll always be lonely.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/28/2012 8:15:54 AM >

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)

Post #: 13

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 12:49:40 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UnderBlueLight

I have a weird and kind of silly issue. I have a lot of friends who are involved in the Kink scene, however, most of them are out of state. I live sort of near NYC but the Kink scene there seems so overwhelming. I moved out of NYC years ago and find it just too congested now. I am having a hard time with dating. No one I would be able to date around here would be even remotely interested in what I am looking for. And Orange county NY is not the place for a Kink scene. Any suggestions guy? Any ideas? NYC really my own shot?

Really If you can't find what your looking near NYC your not really looking. I hear alaska has a great kink scene. Something bout polar bear... and baby seals

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 2/28/2012 12:56:28 PM >

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Post #: 14

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 6:01:42 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Not everyone is willing or able to drive 2 hours each way to get into Manhattan. I'm not.
I'm near her and I can attest that the nearest munch to her is between half an hour to an hour drive. Basically around here you either drive two hours to Manhattan and two hours back or you do the same drive time to go to Albany.

If you have vision difficulties or small children, then those drives are beyond what you can handle.

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(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 15

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 6:21:07 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not everyone is willing or able to drive 2 hours each way to get into Manhattan. I'm not.
I'm near her and I can attest that the nearest munch to her is between half an hour to an hour drive. Basically around here you either drive two hours to Manhattan and two hours back or you do the same drive time to go to Albany.

If you have vision difficulties or small children, then those drives are beyond what you can handle.

There is a huge difference between not finding any kink related stuff in your area and being too LAZY to go to one.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 6:31:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's not laziness. To be there at 6:00 PM you need to leave by 3:30. But if you don't get out of work till 5:00 and home till almost 6:00 it's just not possible. Not to mention that you need to get a babysitter and be back in time to get some sleep so you can get up the next day.

For me it's a vision difficulty. I have no night vision. My doctor won't put a restriction on my license as long as I don't drive at night. The bus to the train doesn't run after 10:00 at night so I would have to leave Manhattan by 8:30 to get the last bus.

I can't drive to the munch over an hour away because it would be dark before it ends. And there's almost no public transportation around here. I'm assuming you don't have small kids or any physical disability. But really, do you also go around snatching crutches from people and tell them that they're lazy for using those aids?

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Post #: 17

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 6:46:11 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

I have to side with the "really?" folks on this one. There are BDSM/Leather clubs ALL over NYC. I've attended BDSM events in NYC, Albany, Rochester....my first BDSM experience was with a woman out of Oneonta. There are munches, spanking parties, clubs, FemDom groups, fetish nights--NYC has probably more leather and BDSM events than almost anywhere. (edited to add: not just NYC--Albany, Syracuse, Rochester, L.I., Oneonta--plenty of places in NY outside the city limits where there are activities)

It's a 3 hour bus ride for me (or train) and I live 2 states away--I regularly drive 90 minutes to play parties and 45 min to 1 hour to munches. If you want it, it's there. I was up in NYC for business and had breakfast with a beautiful Domme that I met on Craigslist--we just met for coffee/breakfast and spend the day in rare bookstores looking for a particular find. (it was a great day!)

If you expect the parties and munches to be at your doorstep all the time, you're not going to have much luck. There are tons and tons of leather folk and BDSM folks in NYC. (and yes. even in Orange County)

< Message edited by hausboy -- 2/28/2012 6:47:45 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 6:46:49 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

For me it's a vision difficulty. I have no night vision. My doctor won't put a restriction on my license as long as I don't drive at night.

DesFIP,
I understand that you have a disability and childcare issues. But you may be projecting your own issues onto the OP. As far as I can tell, she is young and probably has no children or disabilities.

I live in Upstate NY, and I've attended plenty of events in NYC. It's a 7 hour drive for me each way. So it's hard for me to believe that she couldn't get there if she REALLY wanted to.

It's also impossible for me to believe that there are NO like-minded people in her area.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/28/2012 6:47:39 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 7:23:08 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Really If you can't find what your looking near NYC your not really looking. I hear alaska has a great kink scene. Something bout polar bear... and baby seals

BadOne

We actually do have a kink scene up here, tyvm. No, not quite as many people in other locations, but there are some fun folks up here and even some who identify as leather. We're actually gearing up for the kick off event for Northern Exposure 3. Our state's three day leather event that will be held in June. Anchorage has 1-2 group gatherings a week and Fairbanks is just behind that in frequency. Granted, I drive two and a half hours to the latter and twice that to Anchorage, but it's worth it.

OP, if you want to hit the kink events, you may be in for a drive. I'd love to be within driving distance again of a major city with a permanent club and hundreds of kinksters on any given weekend. I'm with the 'it depends how bad you want it' crowd.

No baby seals were harmed in the making of this post.

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(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 20

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