Question about how women break up? (Full Version)

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rubic80 -> Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:15:44 PM)

Greetings

I have a question – my doll (somewhat active here) decided one day to break up. But she did it in a very odd way – I’d like to know if I missed something.

There are many factors in life which can strain a relationship. Instead of going into all my faults I’ll just say this. The day before we pleasantly discussed dinner.

Then the next day a text saying we can’t ever see each other. I text back – blocked and returned. I called to make sure everything is ok. Phone number blocked. (I talked with a mutual friend to make sure nothing serious actually happened – it didn’t – this was her way of breaking up)

She deleted me…not even a goodbye.

Women tell me…is it to avoid conflict? Is it because saying goodbye feels sad and it’s too sad to say?

I think it’s more damaging to a person to disappear without a trace - without letting the hurt one say goodbye.

Has anyone else had this happen ? does anyone else do this - if so why?

Thanks

rubic



HisPet21 -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:27:52 PM)

I, personally, don't approve of her break up method. I find it extremely rude to just up and leave one day, without at least a mini-discussion of what went wrong and an in person goodbye. Especially since, as you mentioned, it could lead the ex wondering if something went wrong or someone was hurt. People just don't work like that, so the natural response to a sudden "disappearance" is concern.

Maybe something did happen, and your ex just isn't interested in sharing all the reasoning behind it. You'll need to respect that.

Maybe your ex is a coward, and can't stand to say goodbye to your face. Unfortunately, you'll just have to respect that too.

Now, I know this isn't an excuse, but it could be that she sucks at breaking up. I'm horrible at breaking up, myself. I dated my last ex for over two years and tried to break up with him over five times. But each time, he'd come crying back to me, begging for a chance to make it work, and I gave in. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Even if I did not love him, I hated to see him cry, and having no balls, I agreed to try again. This was unhealthy for both us. I was unintentionally stringing him along and keeping myself wrapped up in a god awful relationship. The final time we broke up, a good friend "forced" me to cut all communication with him for three months following the break up. I still broke up with him live, and explained what I would be doing and why, though. Maybe she is bad at breaking up too, and wanted to cut all ties right from the start, although I think she should have at least said goodbye over the phone, and explained that she would be doing so.



JanahX -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:34:48 PM)

What you are describing is called abandonment. It is very harmful and will most likely cause you mistrust in future relationships. Here is a link to abandonment and its effects.

http://www.abandonment.net/faq.html



lizi -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:36:33 PM)

I have done this once myself with complete cut-off, and no chance of saying goodbye or ever speaking to the man again. That was when I discovered my boyfriend had lied to me in a very significant way. I witnessed it myself, it was not hearsay, and I have never spoken to him again since that day. I cut all ties to him and blocked access. At the time he may have wondered why, or guessed what happened, I don't really know or care.

The efforts she went to with blocking the numbers and such with you don't say she simply changed her mind to me, they say she went ballistic at the thought of you ever talking to her again. I have really never heard of anyone doing things in this way when they just wanted to break up, this is way over that category. She wants absolutely nothing to do with you in a very emphatic way. Why that would be I have no idea, but you might.



Baroana -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:38:17 PM)

If this happened as you say, then she was being dumb and immature. Good riddance to bad rubbish.



hangemhigh1953 -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:39:08 PM)

Someone did that to me once too. I took it pretty hard - everyone I talked to seems to think it was really inappropriate. Like you, the night before we were discussing plans to spend some time together and the next day, just boom - never see each other again. She wouldn't even give me the courtesy of a phone call or any explanation of what was wrong. She would not even return the CD I lent her in person - after asking for it 3 times and being ignored I asked her friend to do it for me and she got upset that I talked to her friends - what other option did I actually have?

Anyway, sorry to ramble. Yeah, some women can be kinda insensitive that way.



DarkSteven -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:41:24 PM)

You described the effects but not what the trigger was, and I suspect you may have an idea. She may have found you lied to her, possibly were cheating on her.



TheBootyMan -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:55:56 PM)

Not just women breakup this way. Its called NC, no contact. She might be back. There are many articles about this kind of breakup strategy on the web.



TheBootyMan -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 7:58:55 PM)

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/understanding-no-contact-nc-280.html here is one of them, not necessarily the best one.



rubic80 -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 8:03:06 PM)

Thanks everyone…Your thoughts helped – sincerely so. It helps one feel better.

To your question - I can definitely say no cheating, no lying with 100 % certainty. Although I can’t say the same for her (she may have).

If I had to guess her thoughts (any female for that matter) – they would be :
I wanted to say why I stopped, but I don’t like confrontation (as hispet said – I’ll give in over and over), I don't feel anger or sadness - I just don't want it anymore. In my mind it’s completed. There is nothing more to get and nothing more to say.

I went silent because it is hurtful to say such things to someone. So I don’t. It is easier to be silent and let them take their anger out on me and blame me. My wall is thick.

This is just a guess. I really don’t think I understand the female mind well.

thanks booty - i am learning much...

although i think JanahX is right.....



CRYPTICLXVI -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 9:19:06 PM)

Men don't understand the female mind well, that's why we are men.

In the 80s I had two similar "breakups", the first one just up'd and moved, the second one just stopped coming over, wouldn't return my calls, etc...wait, there was three. Oh well. Before cells, internet, etc. There were a lot of reason's, primarily my inability to be "available" between a situation that had happened when I was younger which led me to be non-communicative, which during this time was exacerbated by my drinking. I agree with the non-conflict statement, it was easier for them to walk than deal.

Now, what I have seen, is more of a projection of their shit onto me, so they can justify it by me being worse than Satan, in fact my ex-wife used the conflict between my teen and myself as her initial "excuse", not that she had found someone else. In 20 years, I have been with primarily 2 women in relationships and it has caused me to be 'cured' of relationships...

I hope you move on and allow her issues to be hers and not yours.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 9:38:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

If this happened as you say, then she was being dumb and immature. Good riddance to bad rubbish.



Ehhhh....you're being too nice.....wimmens are generally very hesitant about breaking up....it's kind of the last degree.

Something tells me there's more to the story.



rubic80 -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 10:00:59 PM)

Janah

thank you for the link.

were you abandoned ?




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 10:03:04 PM)

I have handled breakups badly, but never that badly.

I have been abandoned, though. I'm sorry, it's a terrible feeling, and difficult to get past.



Arturas -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 10:28:55 PM)

"Why that would be I have no idea, but you might."

comment deleted.



Casteele -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 11:26:04 PM)

I've never gone through such a breakup personally, although I have had a handful of interests suddenly break off all contact when I thought things were going well. I've also had a few friends in your scenario, where even to me it seemed very sudden and inexplicable. However, since I've never seen it done from the end of the one breaking off contact in this manner, I can only make guesses as to what their reasons may be. Instead, I will just offer this.. In all cases, I know it sucks, but chances are that if you don't already have a pretty good idea of why (and I mean a pretty good idea, like you did something she felt was terribly wrong, not just suspicions which are likely driven more by their unexpected actions), you'll probably never know. If you know some of her friends, and they indicate that she's safe and all, just shrug your shoulders and let go, move on. It's all you can do, and thinking about it will drive you batty trying to come up with your own reasons.

(If you suspect she's in danger or something, however, contact the authorities and let them figure it out.)




littlewonder -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/25/2012 11:50:15 PM)

I'm thinking you said or did something the night before at dinner or someone told her something about you that she couldn't handle....or it could be she was cheating on you. A woman only goes through the whole blocking and deleting when the other person did something terribly wrong and they simply do not want any contact with the other person whatsoever.

Maybe it's time to look at your past relationships and why they ended and why this one may have ended and go over dinner the night before. Maybe you'll come up with a clue.

Either way it's over. Move on.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/26/2012 4:20:01 AM)

It is not just women that break up this way. I have known men who have done it this way as well. In all cases it seems extremely immature, childish, and cowardly to me. And that last one being the one that stands out the most here--cowardice. Being too afraid to be straightforward, lacking the maturity to grab your fucking balls and just say it: "It's over." And one more thing it displays to me is a lack of honor...disregarding the straightforward, fair, courteous and dignified approach just because of your own insecurities. The only circumstance I could think of in which this behavior might be justifiable is that of someone in an extreme abusive situation, in which it might be dangerous to give the abuser "warning" that they are leaving.

I have never had the misfortune of being broken up with or breaking up with someone. However, I pride myself in knowing that if it ever became necessary, I would at the very least have the decency to do it in person, to their face. You know, handling it like a reasonable adult. Please don't pin this behavior on females, OP. It's an individual character flaw, one I am truly sorry you had the misfortune of being at the opposite end of.



angelikaJ -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/26/2012 4:57:40 AM)

I am sorry that this happened in this way, a way that left you wondering with so many questions and feeling hurt in this particular way.

From her point of view, she may have had several break-ups that went very badly and this was the best way of protecting herself according to her past experiences.

And of course from your point of view you are missing the closure of what-went-wrong-knowledge.



jennileigh8182 -> RE: Question about how women break up? (2/26/2012 5:30:36 AM)

I had a man break up with me this way. It was incredibly hurtful and it left a lot of unresolved feelings.

However....I always think this method is either because the person is lying or has some mental disturbance.

I would never break up with someone this way...it's not fair to whatever we had. Hell, even when I left my alcohol-and-drug-abusing, emotionally-abusive, jackass of an exhusband, I did so with a civilized discussion that I would be moving out, gave him the date I'd be moving, and requested input on dividing belongings.



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