RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (Full Version)

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fucktoyprincess -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 6:32:02 AM)

FR

I'm with all of those who say just get to a clinic or doctor and get screened - not just for HIV, but for other stds as well. You might want to contact him and ask him directly if he has any stds. If he won't answer you, if you are still in contact with his wife and she will answer any questions about what stds he might have, you might want to ask that question. It would help if you could narrow down the possibilities. There are stds which can cause cancer, so you really do want to know what he might have. If you cannot get that information, please tell your doctor what you know - i.e., you had unprotected oral sex with a man who you suspect has stds, but who is not speaking to you anymore. This will allow the doctor to help screen you appropriately, but also monitor you going forward. Not all stds are symptomatic and HIV is not the only risk.

p.s. while the whole married scenario might be of interest to others, it really is not to me. You could have found yourself in exactly the same std situation with some guy and his gf, or ex-gf. Whatever. The issue that is most pressing for you is sorting out the std exposure.



DarkSteven -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 6:48:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I hate to say this, but get a hardcopy printout of his profile. If you choose to go after him for damages, proof of the fact that he lied about her being on board will be critical.

Then calm down and hope for a positive test result. Having the sorry bastard pay for your testing will be a good first step.


Sorry, if there was such a place as Breakup Court, the line would extend out the door for miles, and the states would all be bankrupt for trying to fund it.


In the event that she is infected and sues him for hiding the STDs, the fact that she sucked him under false pretenses would be material.



DomMeinCT -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 10:39:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I hate to say this, but get a hardcopy printout of his profile. If you choose to go after him for damages, proof of the fact that he lied about her being on board will be critical.

Then calm down and hope for a positive test result. Having the sorry bastard pay for your testing will be a good first step.


Sorry, if there was such a place as Breakup Court, the line would extend out the door for miles, and the states would all be bankrupt for trying to fund it.


In the event that she is infected and sues him for hiding the STDs, the fact that she sucked him under false pretenses would be material.



And how would she know for sure that she'd caught anything from him, and not from a partner previous to him?

You can't carbon date an STD.



Lockit -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 10:54:43 AM)

I love when people that fell for a lie want to expose the liar, especially when the lie is so obvious or would be something that gave room for most people of a certain age to give thought to whether they needed to find out if the lie were actually the truth. Why expose him or wish to?

Drama, drama, drama... we do stupid and then bring in the drama of exposure to bring more drama. We did stupid in believing something few others would believe, we then do stupid again, pleasing someone with unprotected sex and living to regret it, all while blaming him for lying and taking advantage when we actually walked right into it. Then we bring more drama by telling everyone what a fool we were and not knowing what ever to do... with this mess we helplessly found our-self in.

[:D] It just doesn't get any better... the victim dramatizing it, acting as if she is being accountable and yet... showing sentence after sentence, she isn't getting it, even at her age. If you got this far in life and didn't have a clue... it was time for the lesson. So lets make sure the lesson is really 'the lesson' you need to learn. Not just how to watch out for the bad guys and their lies... but how to own up to your own foolishness and self perpetuated ignorance and then how to handle it without acting out in more foolishness and telling the world how really silly you have been.

You can blame us for being mean.. or even just me if you like... but I wouldn't be buying that either. I would expect better judgment from a teenager... and did. And surprise, surprise... they still loved me and later on really valued my not helping them be stupid, but expecting them to be adults standing there when my job was done.

Stop compounding the problems and victim-hood, get to a doctor and learn your late life lesson.



LadyPact -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 11:35:35 AM)

Why do I get the feeling this is the place for that wonderful question:

"If this guy was calling himself your "date" rather than a "Dom" would you have still made the same choices?"

The fact that the dude said that the wife was ok with all of this doesn't change a thing about the fact that you voluntarily swallowed his semen and opened yourself up to an STD.  You knew the guy was married and was having sexual contact with other people.  The idea that kink was involved doesn't change the fact that you engaged in risky behavior.  That's not his fault.  That's your fault, OP.  Don't expect anybody to reimburse you for your testing expenses.

At forty-five, you need to realize one thing.  Kink doesn't change the rules of the real world.  If you are willing to play with married folks only when the spouse gives their consent, do yourself a favor and verify that consent.  That means you talk to the spouse.  If that isn't a viable option, don't play.  It also means that you are responsible for your own sexual health.  If you wouldn't "take someone's word" in a vanilla situation, don't take someone's word just because they are kinky, either.

Being new to the lifestyle (which I'm guessing you are at your age and making these kind of mistakes) does not relieve your responsibility of using your own common sense. 



Baroana -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 2:41:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I hate to say this, but get a hardcopy printout of his profile. If you choose to go after him for damages, proof of the fact that he lied about her being on board will be critical.

Then calm down and hope for a positive test result. Having the sorry bastard pay for your testing will be a good first step.


Sorry, if there was such a place as Breakup Court, the line would extend out the door for miles, and the states would all be bankrupt for trying to fund it.


In the event that she is infected and sues him for hiding the STDs, the fact that she sucked him under false pretenses would be material.


Says who?



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 2:46:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why do I get the feeling this is the place for that wonderful question:

"If this guy was calling himself your "date" rather than a "Dom" would you have still made the same choices?"

The fact that the dude said that the wife was ok with all of this doesn't change a thing about the fact that you voluntarily swallowed his semen and opened yourself up to an STD.  You knew the guy was married and was having sexual contact with other people.  The idea that kink was involved doesn't change the fact that you engaged in risky behavior.  That's not his fault.  That's your fault, OP.  Don't expect anybody to reimburse you for your testing expenses.

At forty-five, you need to realize one thing.  Kink doesn't change the rules of the real world.  If you are willing to play with married folks only when the spouse gives their consent, do yourself a favor and verify that consent.  That means you talk to the spouse.  If that isn't a viable option, don't play.  It also means that you are responsible for your own sexual health.  If you wouldn't "take someone's word" in a vanilla situation, don't take someone's word just because they are kinky, either.

Being new to the lifestyle (which I'm guessing you are at your age and making these kind of mistakes) does not relieve your responsibility of using your own common sense. 


This. ^^^^^ ALL of it.

NBMG



graceadieu -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 3:12:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
In the event that she is infected and sues him for hiding the STDs, the fact that she sucked him under false pretenses would be material.


Hmm, I dunno about that. While I'm pretty sure I've read about people successfully suing someone for knowingly/intentionally infecting them with HIV, I don't think the fact that he claimed his wife was okay with poly would come into it. I think what the OP would need was the wife's testimony in court that hubby knew he was infected and intentionally acted irresponsibly.

Of course, this is all assuming that there are any STDs in the first place! I think probably the wife was (understandably) pissed and just trying to lash out and freak out the OP.



Baroana -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 3:19:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
In the event that she is infected and sues him for hiding the STDs, the fact that she sucked him under false pretenses would be material.


Hmm, I dunno about that. While I'm pretty sure I've read about people successfully suing someone for knowingly/intentionally infecting them with HIV, I don't think the fact that he claimed his wife was okay with poly would come into it. I think what the OP would need was the wife's testimony in court that hubby knew he was infected and intentionally acted irresponsibly.

Of course, this is all assuming that there are any STDs in the first place! I think probably the wife was (understandably) pissed and just trying to lash out and freak out the OP.


I agree it's probable the wife is just messing with the OP (as a married couple, the two of them make quite a pair, don't they?)

As for bringing this to court, hasn't the woman been humiliated enough?



DarkSteven -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 3:32:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
In the event that she is infected and sues him for hiding the STDs, the fact that she sucked him under false pretenses would be material.


Hmm, I dunno about that. While I'm pretty sure I've read about people successfully suing someone for knowingly/intentionally infecting them with HIV, I don't think the fact that he claimed his wife was okay with poly would come into it. I think what the OP would need was the wife's testimony in court that hubby knew he was infected and intentionally acted irresponsibly.


My assumption is that the Dom would claim he had told her he was infected, and the profile could prove he had a pattern of lying.
quote:



Of course, this is all assuming that there are any STDs in the first place! I think probably the wife was (understandably) pissed and just trying to lash out and freak out the OP.


I never thought of that!



GoodlilGirlForU -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 4:42:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I love when people that fell for a lie want to expose the liar, especially when the lie is so obvious or would be something that gave room for most people of a certain age to give thought to whether they needed to find out if the lie were actually the truth. Why expose him or wish to?

Drama, drama, drama... we do stupid and then bring in the drama of exposure to bring more drama. We did stupid in believing something few others would believe, we then do stupid again, pleasing someone with unprotected sex and living to regret it, all while blaming him for lying and taking advantage when we actually walked right into it. Then we bring more drama by telling everyone what a fool we were and not knowing what ever to do... with this mess we helplessly found our-self in.

[:D] It just doesn't get any better... the victim dramatizing it, acting as if she is being accountable and yet... showing sentence after sentence, she isn't getting it, even at her age. If you got this far in life and didn't have a clue... it was time for the lesson. So lets make sure the lesson is really 'the lesson' you need to learn. Not just how to watch out for the bad guys and their lies... but how to own up to your own foolishness and self perpetuated ignorance and then how to handle it without acting out in more foolishness and telling the world how really silly you have been.

You can blame us for being mean.. or even just me if you like... but I wouldn't be buying that either. I would expect better judgment from a teenager... and did. And surprise, surprise... they still loved me and later on really valued my not helping them be stupid, but expecting them to be adults standing there when my job was done.

Stop compounding the problems and victim-hood, get to a doctor and learn your late life lesson.


I never said I was not partly to blame and I have not exposed anyone here, so take your attitude somewhere else. Geez, you are the one that seems to want drama. Gonna repost this below since you chose to ignore it and blast me anyway.
Thanks everyone for your advice I take the blame for not making sure he was clean. I cant post his profile here or I would, but we talked for a while before we met this was not a one night stand type of thing. He outright lied to me. But such is life and I am going to chalk this up to a learning experience and will know better in the future. Going to get tested asap.
DarkSteven- Not going after him to pay for testing and all that, but I did copy his profile just in case.



GoodlilGirlForU -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 4:46:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why do I get the feeling this is the place for that wonderful question:

"If this guy was calling himself your "date" rather than a "Dom" would you have still made the same choices?"

The fact that the dude said that the wife was ok with all of this doesn't change a thing about the fact that you voluntarily swallowed his semen and opened yourself up to an STD.  You knew the guy was married and was having sexual contact with other people.  The idea that kink was involved doesn't change the fact that you engaged in risky behavior.  That's not his fault.  That's your fault, OP.  Don't expect anybody to reimburse you for your testing expenses.

At forty-five, you need to realize one thing.  Kink doesn't change the rules of the real world.  If you are willing to play with married folks only when the spouse gives their consent, do yourself a favor and verify that consent.  That means you talk to the spouse.  If that isn't a viable option, don't play.  It also means that you are responsible for your own sexual health.  If you wouldn't "take someone's word" in a vanilla situation, don't take someone's word just because they are kinky, either.

Being new to the lifestyle (which I'm guessing you are at your age and making these kind of mistakes) does not relieve your responsibility of using your own common sense. 


Thanks everyone for your advice I take the blame for not making sure he was clean. I never said I was NOT at fault. I cant post his profile here or I would, but we talked for a while before we met this was not a one night stand type of thing. He outright lied to me. But such is life and I am going to chalk this up to a learning experience and will know better in the future. Going to get tested asap. Not going after him to pay for testing and all that, but I did copy his profile just in case.



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 5:18:25 PM)

OP: you really cannot make sure someone is clean. this is why: suppose he was tested on Monday. Suppose you had sex with him on Saturday. Do you know what he was doing between MOnday and Saturday? You do not. Do you know what his wife was doing from Monday to Saturday, assuming they just may have had had sexual contact? You do not. What I did not hear you say is that YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE HE WORE A CONDOM. Sheesh.



Lockit -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 7:45:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodlilGirlForU

I never said I was not partly to blame and I have not exposed anyone here, so take your attitude somewhere else. Geez, you are the one that seems to want drama. Gonna repost this below since you chose to ignore it and blast me anyway.

Thanks everyone for your advice I take the blame for not making sure he was clean. I cant post his profile here or I would, but we talked for a while before we met this was not a one night stand type of thing. He outright lied to me. But such is life and I am going to chalk this up to a learning experience and will know better in the future. Going to get tested asap.
DarkSteven- Not going after him to pay for testing and all that, but I did copy his profile just in case.


I wrote what I wrote after seeing you say, twice, that you would like to expose him and if you could you would. Even after saying you were at fault for something, wanting to expose him or give his name, indicates that you would like to punish him or show people who he was so that they too would know who the liar is and how he victimized you. You feel he victimized you because he lied to you... but you didn't or don't seem to see that you walked right into it and I haven't seen you take accountability for that. Thus my post. You didn't make sure that this married man wasn't lying to you, hiding the real facts of his life and that you might be stepping into a marital situation that most would be cautious of and check out. In other words... they wouldn't have fallen prey to the victimizer as you did.

Continuing to want to expose him suggests a few things about you. You are blaming him for what he did when you could have prevented it by being smart about it. That is the lesson you need to learn. Don't count on everything that is told to you being the truth and when you do, take accountability for it by not trying to point the bad guy out when you are just as guilty of wrong doing... toward yourself.

As for taking my attitude elsewhere... thanks for the suggestion, but I will do as I please, when I please and if you want to post about how you walked into a cheating man and gosh... just don't know what to do about the fact that you might have gotten a bit of a medical problem over it and don't know what to do... I seriously have to wonder about you. That isn't rocket science. Who doesn't know what to do about that??? What it looks like is you wanted to point out how this guy is bad and poor me... look what happened. Sorry... that doesn't look like accountability but it sure looks like... poor victim me.. I would tell you about this guy but I can't, but I sure want to... whine, whine... but I am taking accountability because I did admit some fault. You missed the biggest part of your fault. Falling for the lie in the first place, that most would roll their eyes to and say... oh okay, right or... lets check that out.

Maybe you might want to check your own attitude. You seem to repeat it on different threads where you have been proven wrong in something and then act like no one should point it out or say anything that is less than sweet, kind and coddling.



graceadieu -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/28/2012 9:19:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
As for bringing this to court, hasn't the woman been humiliated enough?


Yeah, that's true. Especially if (again assuming there's any truth to the STD issue, which I'm skeptical about) it's something that a round of antibiotics'll fix. That'd be totally pointless. HIV, though, I dunno... that's at best a lifetime of expensive, unpleasant medication, and personally I do think if somebody negligently (or worse, intentionally) infects you with it they should have some financial responsibility. Now how you'd prove that, I dunno.



kalikshama -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (2/29/2012 9:00:10 AM)

quote:

I never said I was not partly to blame


Moving forward, if you do not speak to the other spouse, you are WHOLELY to blame.

I"ll give you a pass this time :)



seekinganew -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (5/25/2012 3:46:20 AM)

On the basis of a Master being married, this girl was duped by One. First question she asked at the beginning of the relationship was Are You Married? His reply, Nope, divorced. After years of being His, He came to this girl and told her that He was thinking of getting married to help Him out of a financial situation. Also, that it would be only for a short time. Needless to say, girl goes with Him to a place and others begin speaking of HIS WIFE. As W/we left, girl asked Him when He got married as she had asked Him to tell her so she could buy a gift for them. He did not give girl a straight answer. girl went home and did some research on marriage licenses in the area, nothing came up. So she called and asked Him again. He got very defensive wanted to know who gave girl permission to do a background check on Him. Well, as girl remembered some things and added them up, she knows now that He was married from the beginning. He borrowed some money from the girl and has not paid it back. girl feels He should have told her from the beginning and let her decide whether to become His or not. girl does not like the idea of being the Other Woman in this type of relationship



LafayetteLady -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (5/25/2012 3:51:01 AM)

And how many pages did "girl" have to go into old threads to find this and make her first post?

Generally, if a post is more than a couple months old with no activity, you should start a new one.



seekinganew -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (5/25/2012 3:54:38 AM)

very well, girl will start a new one with this information then



Char2688 -> RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz (5/25/2012 7:58:51 AM)

Married and playing alone
There is a special place in hell for us



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