think of asking my wife to become my Femdom

think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (Full Version)

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cal50 -> think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/27/2012 7:05:48 PM)
Lately I been toying with the idea of asking my wife to become my controlling femdom wife. We have never done played any kind of roll reversal or roll playing before. I'm 50 ad have been into being a submissive to a femdom for 30 years. The only exsperience has been paying to play through the years, not much in a long while. I would like to figure out a good way to ask her to take controll of my life. We do have small children so there is some draw back. We are not the most communicative couple. I am a typical guy who gets in trouble alot for not listening. She does have the dismeaner to be a Femdom and she basicly is the alfa dog of the family. I would like to figure out how to exspress my feelings and ask her. Any advice would be appreciated. Cal

DesFIP -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/27/2012 7:09:15 PM)
Improve the communication first. Because if she is your dominant, then she'll be even more upset at you not listening to her and tuning her out.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/27/2012 8:10:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cal50 Lately I been toying with the idea of asking my wife to become my controlling femdom wife. We have never done played any kind of roll reversal or roll playing before. I'm 50 ad have been into being a submissive to a femdom for 30 years. The only exsperience has been paying to play through the years, not much in a long while. I would like to figure out a good way to ask her to take controll of my life. We do have small children so there is some draw back. We are not the most communicative couple. I am a typical guy who gets in trouble alot for not listening. She does have the dismeaner to be a Femdom and she basicly is the alfa dog of the family. I would like to figure out how to exspress my feelings and ask her. Any advice would be appreciated. Cal Or....you could just tell her next time "you hit like a girl".

Thaelog -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/27/2012 9:29:02 PM)
It sounds like you have already established that dynamic and just want to take it into the bedroom. As DesFIP said, you will have to work on the communication first. I can't think of anything more dangerous and/or destructive than a D/s relationship with bad communication. Any relationship for that matter. If your communication was better I don't think you would even be here posing this question because that conversation would evolve naturally in a trusting and open relationship.

kalikshama -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 6:29:38 AM)
quote: I am a typical guy who gets in trouble alot for not listening. First show her your aptitude by starting to listen and jumping when she says boo.

DarkSteven -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 6:36:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cal50 I would like to figure out how to exspress my feelings and ask her. Any advice would be appreciated. Cal If the two of you attend any kind of religious institution, see if they have a Marriage Encounter. It strengthens marriages and teaches communication methods.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 7:01:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cal50 I am a typical guy who gets in trouble alot for not listening. Next time you "get in trouble", pull down your pants, bend over, and say "Please spank me, Mommy". She'll either spank you, or file for divorce. So you have a 50/50 chance. [:D]

sirsholly -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 7:11:58 AM)
quote: she basicly is the alfa dog of the family There is a massive difference between being the Alpha because she is a dominant, or because she is married to a pussy and has no choice. I am not calling you a pussy, but i hope you get my meaning. quote: I would like to figure out a good way to ask her to take controll of my life. We do have small children so there is some draw back. Go easy here. She has small children, a home to care for, probably a job outside the home, and you are going to possibility blindside her by asking to take control/responsibility of her partner? You are the one that is to share her load, not add to it. It certainly can work, but your approach is vital. Present your desire to have her take total control as merely adding to her burden and that "Alpha dog" you are married to might just growl and bite you on your ass.

MrsT301 -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 7:12:43 AM)
When I told my husband the kind of stuff I fantasized about he was surprised but definately has gotten on board with a lot of stuff, after much conversation. It is scary to reveal yourself but definately worth it, you never know she might be very willing to fulfill some of those fantasies with you.

LaTigresse -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 7:17:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: cal50 I would like to figure out how to exspress my feelings and ask her. Any advice would be appreciated. Cal If the two of you attend any kind of religious institution, see if they have a Marriage Encounter. It strengthens marriages and teaches communication methods. This. Otherwise you are putting the cart before the horse. I also question what you, the OP, envisions as her being your 'controlling femdom wife'? What exactly are your expectations aside from what you've already got going on?

lizi -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 7:30:28 AM)
I'd have to get on board with the posters who are suggesting you strengthen what you have before adding more to the plate. The success of asking your wife to do something for you is going to depend on how positively she feels about the two of you in general and you personally. Even if she is supposedly getting something out of your request as well, she's still acquiescing to a proposal that you have put forth. Make the proposal as attractive as possible. Get the marriage working more efficiently and then your approach will be crucial, I'd suggest you start doing things for her as though she were your Domme already and serve her in as many nonkinky ways as you can. Make dinner, bathe the kids and then draw a bath for her and tell her to get in while it's hot while you put the little ones to bed. Say yes and then do what she asks. Anticipate her needs, make a lunch for her in the morning to take to work, bring her a cup of tea. There are a ton of threads on here about making a case for approaching your partner to involve them in kink. You might try looking for them for more good advice. If you two are on solid ground with each other, and you're showing her what the rewards would be by becoming a loving partner who is giving to her instead of taking, then I don't see many downsides to that.

MrsT301 -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 9:18:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Make the proposal as attractive as possible. Get the marriage working more efficiently and then your approach will be crucial, I'd suggest you start doing things for her as though she were your Domme already and serve her in as many nonkinky ways as you can. Make dinner, bathe the kids and then draw a bath for her and tell her to get in while it's hot while you put the little ones to bed. Say yes and then do what she asks. Anticipate her needs, make a lunch for her in the morning to take to work, bring her a cup of tea. There are a ton of threads on here about making a case for approaching your partner to involve them in kink. You might try looking for them for more good advice. If you two are on solid ground with each other, and you're showing her what the rewards would be by becoming a loving partner who is giving to her instead of taking, then I don't see many downsides to that. This is a great suggestion, to show her that there is something in it for her. That she will gain a lot from what you are wanting to try.

cal50 -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 9:39:56 AM)
Thanks all for the insite. What I been thinking of doing is write letter proposal. I could exspress myself more on paper than verbaly. I would fubar it all up inperson. I will post the proposal for more of your thoughts. Cal

Lockit -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 10:22:55 AM)
Cal... are you listening? No... I don't think you are. Becoming more aggressive/dominant/bitchy because your spouse doesn't listen and makes lots of mistakes... doesn't a domina make. That comes from frustration, not a place where dominance comes from. People are telling you to work on the communication and the only focus on the communication you are interested in, is a proposal in letter form, for her to be and do what you want her to be and do. THAT ISN'T COMMUNICATION! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? If you are this clueless about communication, your wife and your focus and any communication is about your own needs... it isn't a domina you want... but your little willy wanker fulfilled. Telling her what you want isn't all there is to communication. When was the last time you made her smile because you listened... you really heard her and cared about what she wanted? When was the last time, you curtailed what you wanted to make her happy? If she isn't real satisfied with how things are going and finds that for thirty years you have wanted this and you still haven't refined even what a submissive is... if she isn't already ready to can your ass, she might be now. You see... you most likely married her without telling her about this other major side of yourself and I do wonder about those times of play and if they were during the times she was birthing your children and trying to raise them with a man that hasn't been quite honest, open or that communicates or understands her or himself very well. Just because you get that you are kinky and that is what it is.. not submission, and you tell her 'now', doesn't mean you are communicating. You are coming off more like a guy that doesn't communicate... that's looking for a short cut to HIS fulfillment.

lizi -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 10:26:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Cal... are you listening? No... I don't think you are. Becoming more aggressive/dominant/bitchy because your spouse doesn't listen and makes lots of mistakes... doesn't a domina make. That comes from frustration, not a place where dominance comes from. People are telling you to work on the communication and the only focus on the communication you are interested in, is a proposal in letter form, for her to be and do what you want her to be and do. THAT ISN'T COMMUNICATION! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? If you are this clueless about communication, your wife and your focus and any communication is about your own needs... it isn't a domina you want... but your little willy wanker fulfilled. Telling her what you want isn't all there is to communication. When was the last time you made her smile because you listened... you really heard her and cared about what she wanted? When was the last time, you curtailed what you wanted to make her happy? If she isn't real satisfied with how things are going and finds that for thirty years you have wanted this and you still haven't refined even what a submissive is... if she isn't already ready to can your ass, she might be now. You see... you most likely married her without telling her about this other major side of yourself and I do wonder about those times of play and if they were during the times she was birthing your children and trying to raise them with a man that hasn't been quite honest, open or that communicates or understands her or himself very well. Just because you get that you are kinky and that is what it is.. not submission, and you tell her 'now', doesn't mean you are communicating. You are coming off more like a guy that doesn't communicate... that's looking for a short cut to HIS fulfillment. Thank you. This is exactly what I wanted to say after the OP's last post. You just saved me mucho typing.

cal50 -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 10:59:05 AM)
I got it now!

Madame4a -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 6:05:49 PM)
you need to solve your relationship problems first.. then perhaps you should check and see what she might want.. quote: ORIGINAL: cal50 Lately I been toying with the idea of asking my wife to become my controlling femdom wife. We have never done played any kind of roll reversal or roll playing before. I'm 50 ad have been into being a submissive to a femdom for 30 years. The only exsperience has been paying to play through the years, not much in a long while. I would like to figure out a good way to ask her to take controll of my life. We do have small children so there is some draw back. We are not the most communicative couple. I am a typical guy who gets in trouble alot for not listening. She does have the dismeaner to be a Femdom and she basicly is the alfa dog of the family. I would like to figure out how to exspress my feelings and ask her. Any advice would be appreciated. Cal

Servile99 -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 8:29:01 PM)
I attempted to try to introduce my Vanilla boyfiend into the BDSM scene. He was open minded but he it didnt take. Sure, he began doing things like such talk dirtier during sex, call me slave, make me call him master or else he would pop my but a few times. But thats the extent of it. Not that its a bad thing, it deffiently spiced sex up a little. I dont think he would take me to a leather event on a leash or go any deeper. [8\|]

Casteele -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (2/28/2012 8:55:15 PM)
cal.. as others have said.. fix your broken relationship with your wife first. BDSM won't fix it for you, which is what I suspect is your real motive, whether conscious or subconscious. It can greatly enhance a good, strong, healthy relationship, and it can exponentially increase the grief and misery of a broken and unhealthy relationship. Go take a look at some of the opinions and experiences of the "Can BDSM D/s cure Domestic Violence" thread for examples of how D/s can further harm a broken relationship and lead to very dangerous ground.

Sailasub -> RE: think of asking my wife to become my Femdom (3/2/2012 12:59:26 AM)
If all you want is to be whipped then you are simply asking her to take on more responsibility, which increases her burden. So first define what it is you want the relationship to be and what you think each of you will get out of it. Why would she WANT to be your Domme? What are you limits? i.e. are you prepared to be a cockold? What if you want to be one but she won't consider it? I suggest that you try to show her more consideration and that you start adding things like back rubs, without sex if she is not in the mood, and foot rubs. That is assuming you want to be a service bottom. At some point, if she has a Domme inclination and you are sitting there rubbing he feet she may start doing little things that tell you she has the inclination. If you really think she wants to be a Domme you will at some point need to have a sit down heart to heart talk about what you each want. Actually several. You should arrange to have these when the kids are away, especially the first one or two in case you are wrong and simply projecting your desire. The letter sounds good as a starter. You might have to do this via email with her if you can't verbalize.

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