RE: Is it one-sided?

RE: Is it one-sided? (Full Version)

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SgtSlaughter82 -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/1/2012 2:00:32 PM)
I think of it like a pet. Your pet accepts your dominance. You give it commands, rather than receive them. Yet your pet is important so you love it and take care of it and try to keep it happy and healthy. It's a one way street of dominance (pets can ask but not order), but it's certainly a two-way street of caring. You take care of your pet in ways it doesn't even know.

kalikshama -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/1/2012 3:26:18 PM)
Lol, have you ever had a cat?

Casteele -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/1/2012 6:22:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Unfortunately, for some people what they receive is confirmation of an inner believe that nothing is all they deserve. And others because they get to tell themselves how saintly they are and how evil their partner is, martyr complex. Another good point to consider.. If the relationship is healthy or not, and how does that affect the view of if it's one-sided or not? Do people consider getting something positive out of the relationship to be one-sided if the other is getting something negative, but both sides are getting what they want? What if both sides are getting and want something negative? (I've seen that, too. Some people thrive in negative and unhealthy relationships.)

SgtSlaughter82 -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/1/2012 6:24:54 PM)
I've actually trained a cat to sit on command, as one CM member could attest to. My theory on cat training is that cats aren't wired to respond to words. It's just noise for them unless they focus. Once they focus, they can tell that a word is being directed at them. After that, they aren't wired to think that would be a command (after all, that's not something that will ever happen to them in nature.) And on top of that, they're not wired to think that performing that command will have any effect (like make you happy, prevent you from being angry, keep them away from danger, etc.) So you have to get them to focus, and then break down all those other barriers so the cat can put together the chain in it's head of noise = attempt at communication with me = instruction to me = something I can do = something happens when I do it. It literally took me months to train a cat to sit, and it still depends on him focusing on me when I give the instruction. If something else is going on, instinct takes over and 99% of his brain is dedicated to analyzing that sound or sight and determining if he should run or attack and whatever I might say just becomes background noise again. Ok well that was off topic.

Casteele -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/1/2012 8:09:19 PM)
Well, there was a topic here about a cat who could use sign language to ask for food: Cat knows how to sign 'eat' and get attention One of DuskyPearl's many awesome finds. But yes, off-topic here.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/2/2012 10:43:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SgtSlaughter82 I think of it like a pet. Your pet accepts your dominance. You give it commands, rather than receive them. Yet your pet is important so you love it and take care of it and try to keep it happy and healthy. It's a one way street of dominance (pets can ask but not order), but it's certainly a two-way street of caring. You take care of your pet in ways it doesn't even know. I like this comparison. A good pet owner creates a well adjusted, happy, healthy pet. A bad owner, well we all have seen those commericals.

DesFIP -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/2/2012 11:24:06 AM)
Anybody who has ever had a dog run to the front door, barking until you grabbed the leash, knows that that's a command. If you ignore it, then you get the consequence - a mess to clean up. You don't get a lot of commands from a dog if you're a good pet owner, but on occasion you do get them. Casteele; I've never seen someone thrive in an unhealthy environment. They sometimes appear to be, but if you've seen such a person before and after therapy, you'll know that what appeared to be thriving was just a pale imitation of the real thing. There's no joy when it's based on all negatives.

MrBukani -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/2/2012 11:32:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Casteele Elaborate? Why did you feel the need to respond with such a response? Aw come on. Surely you understand that there is a sizeable segment of the crowd for whom love stinks and an even more sizeable segment that equates it with weakness. I bet those segments love what they are and do, otherwise they would not do what they do. So it kinda contradicts itself, unless the person hates themself as well. What is rare in a dominant. I think. Maybe more to a sub, still something is really wrong here. I would love to hear somebody proclaiming till the end that love equates weakness and it stinks.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/2/2012 12:40:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SgtSlaughter82 I've actually trained a cat to sit on command Wow! I actually thought this was impossible. You, my friend, are a true Dom. [;)]

JeffBC -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/2/2012 1:20:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 Wow! I actually thought this was impossible. No, not impossible. Cats are more than intelligent enough to "get it". And they are social enough to want to play along when their in the right mood. In my experience, the big difference between dogs and cats is how often they're "in the mood" ~laughs~

Casteele -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/2/2012 5:06:03 PM)
Des: I prolly should have worded it different than "thrive". But I'm sure we all know the types of people I am referring to.. the Drama Mamas, for example; People who surround themselves with negativity.Whether or not it's sane, healthy, etc, is another topic. MrB: Well, I'm pretty sure he meant the mushy, yucky, romance novel kind of "love", not the burning, passionate kind. But in line with what you've said, in my experiences, those who "poo poo" on the mushy stuff and call it weak are often just irrationally afraid of it. Such fears (but not all fears) are true weakness, IMO. But this is a whole 'nother topic, again. Re Training Cats: I agree that it's all in the attitude. Ever wonder why cats don't love to play fetch? Throw a stick, and a dog thinks it's lots of fun to play with the master s/he loves. The cat, on the other hand, looks at you like "WTFDYTYA? Shove that stick up your own ass and YOU go FETCH me food, NOW, slave!"

strangedesire -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/3/2012 7:54:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrsT301 Hi, I'm new here. This question is for the dominant men/women. Is it important to you that your sub enjoy themselves, or do you come first? I mean I guess in a way they are enjoying themselves anyway by serving you. I could see for some people that might be kind of one sided maybe? Especially stuff like teasing/chastity play. Then again maybe I'm wrong because if someone does those things it must be because they enjoy it on some level as a sub. Otherwise they wouldn't do it. In my experience, there are significantly more submissive-identified men into chastity play than there are dominant women who want their partners in chastity. My partner probably enjoys being teased more than I enjoy teasing her. Some people do have dynamics where the submissive partner does things that they genuinely hate, but I think that those are much more rare than you might be thinking. It takes an unusual pair to build a relationship that can survive and thrive on that sort of thing. In play, I think, it's much more common for a submissive to really enjoy hating something. (Or really hate enjoying something.) Most people who seek out that sort of thing are getting something from it.

Bongy -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/3/2012 11:48:29 AM)
For me it goes both ways. Sometimes it's good to let or even force her to orgasm. Other times it is fun to deny it or just use her for your own enjoyment.change it up.Always fun.

cloudboy -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/3/2012 12:35:34 PM)
For a relationship to last, it has to have a two-sided dimension. I've always seen it a short sighted for a Dom to limit a partner's life "because a sub or slave should always revolve around the superior." "Sorry, you can't go to the tournament/show/rally/game/concert/speaker/ or other event because I need you to draw my bath tonight." BDSM does not have to be a stifling convention.

Baroana -> RE: Is it one-sided? (3/3/2012 12:38:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy The more extreme a position (its all about me) the shorter that relationship will last. BDSM does not have to be a stifling convention, and I've always seen it a short sighted for a Dom to limit a partner's life "because a sub or slave should always revolve around the superior." "Sorry, you can't go to the tournament/show/rally/game/concert/speaker/ or other event because I need you to draw my bath tonight." Yeah, but you have to do that once in awhile. It keeps him in his place. [:D]

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