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Focus50 -> RE: Equality in Ds (3/5/2012 1:26:55 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MrsT301
This is confusing to me as well. If you are equals then one person is therefore not in charge so where's the power exchange?
Our play is usually to fulfill HIS fantasies so he decides what we do when we play. But I'm not totally without power because I can always use my safeword.
Where it gets confusing to me is when sometimes I am the one with the ideas of what I would like to try, and then we try it (but it was my idea) so I guess in that scenario he's a top but not really a Dominant in the full sense of the word.
I think a lot of your confusion is that you have an understanding of the concept of Power Exchange but that you have no definition as to exactly what each (D & s) individual's "power" is - that's to be "exchanged".
I've always defined it as the power of desirability. That *anyone*, ANYONE, who has something you desire has a certain power over you - basic fact of life. An attractive female has "power" (desirability) to my hetero self (but not my dominant self) so yeah, I still take notice at an m/f level - which empowers her. But an attractive fem/sub - now we're really talking power.... However, I'm not so naive as to be led about by my desires (or D/s dick) and that I've been around enough to know my dominant self has the same power of desirability to the right fem/sub, too. Put together, that's the "power" I referred to as being of equal value (to complementing D & s opposites).
I believe in safe-words but it's only that; a safety tool. If she were to flaunt it as a defacto "no/stop/don't" etc, then the relationship is heading out the window because I absolutely will not be manipulated by a sub's skewed sense of "power".
Also, I'm not gonna pretend I'm the most creative person or Dom about, so yeah, I'm open to ideas or suggestions from my girl, absolutely. And who knows better than her what she likes (or doesn't) etc? But how I implement (pleasure, tease, torture, deny) anything she suggests is still entirely my choice. Basically, you're wrong to think having all the ideas is a requirement or definition of dominance. Ideally, D/s or M/s is still a relationship where you work together for a common, greater good. :)
Focus.
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