New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articulating what I seek.

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New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articulating... - 3/5/2012 11:49:20 AM

hotdplust

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

Hello, I have been on this site for a little over a week now and have chatted with some interesting people already.

A major reason I joined in the first place is not so much to meet people but more to learn more about myself as well as the lifestyle in general. Much of what makes life interesting to me is the process of continually learning and pushing boundries. In this process, I am hoping I can also articulate what it is that I'm into and perhaps meet a female who shares my interests and desires to explore with me and learn from me.

A couple of things that are certain, I am straight and I am dominant. I consider myself to be powerful from a mental standpoint moreso than a physical one.

Over time, I will be able to describe in words what I want and expect but in the meantime, I'm having a hell of time communicating it - in part because it should not be spelled out in black and white. There is a degree of mystery and suspense that is a big factor of what I want to provide.

One thought I have though and would like your opinion on is this. Does it make sense to use porn strictly as a visual cue to portray the type of scenes I wish to recreate? Does "showing" someone what you would like to do, take away from the surprise of when it is actually time do it...or does the anticipation and curiousity only build? Again, it is hard for me to explain but it isn't so much showing for the physical action in the film but more for the overall aesthetic and story behind the act. When I watch "good" porn, I am more into the psychological aspects of the story as much as the physical side. Yes, the physical piece is integral but having one without the other is empty.

If you have ever watched any of Marc Dorcel's "Story of...." series, you'll get a good understanding the type of stuff I am into.

Thanks in advance on any feedback.

< Message edited by hotdplust -- 3/5/2012 11:54:42 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 11:59:21 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Step one.

Make friends and get to know people. I realize you're a straight male Dom. I am too but don't let that fact determine who you talk to and learn from. Get to know people who are straight, bi, gay, lesbian, male, female and trans. (I hope I covered everything). You can learn from everyone, not just those that you might have an opportunity to play with.
Way back when, my mentor was a lesbian Domme. I obviously had no aspirations of playing with her but I learned a LOT. I also learned a lot from her submissive and other dominants, switches and subs.

You consider yourself more powerful from a mental standpoint. That's good. Knowledge really is power.

Once you get to know people and they see you're a decent type, you'll find out that folks are willing to introduce you to single friends.

Friendship first. Your mileage may vary on this one but a woman will be my friend before she becomes my lover and she will be my lover before she becomes my slut.

Bottom line, find a munch or event and go meet folks. Don't expect some lovely little thing to be overcome by your Domliness and want to follow you home first time out of the box. I won't say it doesn't happen but it's REALLY fucking rare.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 3/5/2012 12:21:44 PM >

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 2

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:11:08 PM

LunaM

Posts: 183
Joined: 3/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Step one.

Make friends and get to know people. I realize you're a straight male Dom. I am too but don't let that fact determine who you talk to and learn from. Get to know people who are straight, bi, gay, lesbian, male, female and trans. (I hope I covered everything). You can learn from everyone, not just those that you might have an opportunity to play with.
Way back when, my mentor was a lesbian Domme. I obviously had no aspirations of playing with her but I learned a LOT. I also learned a lot from her submissive and other dominants, switches and subs.

You consider yourself more powerful from a mental standpoint. That's good. Knowledge really is power.

Once you get to know people and they see you're a decent type, you'll find out that folks are willing to introduce you to single friends.

Friendship first. Your mileage may vary on this one but a woman will be my friend before she becomes my lover and she will be my lover before whe becomes my slut.

Bottom line, find a munch or event and go meet folks. Don't expect some lovely little thing to be overcome by your Domliness and want to follow you home first time out of the box. I won't say it doesn't happen but it's REALLY fucking rare.

Welcome OP!
I agree with Hillwilliam.
The part I bolded made me smile and chuckle.

_____________________________

~BloodRed's Slave~

~Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else~

~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 3

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:22:25 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Damn typos. Thanks for bolding that. It's fixed now.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LunaM)

Post #: 4

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:27:57 PM

LunaM

Posts: 183
Joined: 3/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Damn typos. Thanks for bolding that. It's fixed now.

I didn't bold it for the typos. I bolded it because I liked the line you follow, friend to lover, lover to slut.
But catching typos is always a good thing :)

_____________________________

~BloodRed's Slave~

~Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else~

~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 5

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:29:44 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

I figured that but I fucking HATE turning out something that has typos.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LunaM)

Post #: 6

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:30:40 PM

LunaM

Posts: 183
Joined: 3/3/2012
Status: offline

I hear you there. I twitch when I realize my post has typos, or have them pointed out.

_____________________________

~BloodRed's Slave~

~Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else~

~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 7

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:31:55 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaM

I hear you there. I twitch when I realize my post has typos, or have them pointed out.

I'd say something about making a hawt little redhead twitch but I see that collar around your neck so I'll refrain.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LunaM)

Post #: 8

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 12:35:59 PM

LunaM

Posts: 183
Joined: 3/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaM

I hear you there. I twitch when I realize my post has typos, or have them pointed out.

I'd say something about making a hawt little redhead twitch but I see that collar around your neck so I'll refrain.

I see this as a compliment so I will say thank you :)
Oh yeah. Rockin the collar and a bite mark *evil smirk*

_____________________________

~BloodRed's Slave~

~Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else~

~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 9

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 1:53:39 PM

hotdplust

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

Thank you for the reply HillWilliam. I totally agree with you about making friends with everyone I can. There is no reason or intention on my part to only speak with one segment. I hope that by my statement of being straight and a dom did not reflect that. I definitely can learn from all.

LunaM, thank you too.

(in reply to LunaM)

Post #: 10

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 2:14:09 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Welcome to Collarme.

This is not meant as a criticism, nor is it intended to be snarky or flippant.

Real like doesn't generally work according to Porn.

It is great to know what you like or even what you think you might like but a few thoughts occurred to me:
You may be setting yourself up for disappointment when things don't go the way you think they should go AND you may be limiting yourself by trying to keep things going according to a script you envision.

Scenes can evolve in such a way that once you add the element of power exchange the ordinary and seemingly mundane can become exquisite.

Or you may find that some fantasies are better left as just that.

Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans... and life is messy and unrehearsed.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 11

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 2:46:36 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

First, welcome to the discussion side of CM.

I agree with Hilly about getting out to munches and other events and meeting people in real time.

Since you asked for the feedback: your profile is totally fantasy based. A sub scanning your profile wants to know about you: are you single? what are your (non-BDSM) interests? how much experience do you have BDSM wise and are you being mentored or have been mentored. why should I trust you?

Your last paragraph about game players is less then useless. Nice people will be put off, game players may see it as a challenge.

Your main pic is of a naked chest, sorry I don't want to see naked parts until/unless I know you wayyy better. Your user nick is lame.

Sorry, don't mean to be a biotch, but you asked.

_____________________________

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 12

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 3:04:15 PM

hotdplust

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

To ChatteParfaitt:

Thank you for looking over my profile. I agree with you about it being totally fantasy based right now. I thought that was the point but adding some of my personal interests would probably be a good idea. For the record, I am single (recently divorced - was with her 12 years). Currently I have no mentor.

To answer the question about how much BDSM experience I have, that is the tricky part because there are so many different aspects of it. To some, the answer would be "very little", to others the answer would be "more than average". I don't have much experience with bondage but that is not a real interest to me anyway. It's a matter of opinion of what is BDSM entails and then to what degree a person's experience level is.

As far as the photo...Unfortunately, I can not show my face based on one of the businesses I own so I wanted to still upload something that is of me. It was the only thing I could think of. I think it's better than a picture of my cock. I understand what you mean though. Do you have any suggestions of what I could use as my avatar if using my face is absolutely out of the question?

As far as the screen name being lame...ok. It's something I have been using since I was in my 20s and have just kind of kept it.

You don't need to say "sorry" and you're not being a "biotch". Thanks for the feedback.

< Message edited by hotdplust -- 3/5/2012 3:17:36 PM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 13

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 3:16:56 PM

hotdplust

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

To AngelikaJ:

Thank you for your feedback. I am not expecting to live my life I am a porn star but I would like to try and define my style of "kink". I also don't envision a script as much as 2 people being on the same wavelength with an overall setting/scenario. Part of me does want to live out a fantasy, but don't we all? It would be one thing if I didn't think these fantasies were feasible but they are. I have had similar previous experiences which encourage me to believe there will be more.

< Message edited by hotdplust -- 3/5/2012 3:18:00 PM >

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 14

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 4:00:28 PM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

Welcome

_____________________________

"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
licensed to give formla

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 15

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/5/2012 5:57:26 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Have you seen a BDSM checklist?

Sometimes those can be useful tools to help define what your interests are.

I will try to find a few and post links.

I do recommend you seek out munches and demos.
It isn't especially fun when you accidentally 'break your toy' (the submissive person you are playing with).

Edit to add a few different ones:
http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/bondage-fetishes-fantasies/the-beautiful-kinds-ultimate-bdsm-fetish-kink-checklist/

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html

http://sextips.livejournal.com/7832294.html

These should not be substituted for open communication/conversations.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 3/5/2012 6:12:09 PM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 16

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/6/2012 3:25:51 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Take a scan at some of the wonderful avatars used here on the discussion side. There are people who have real time pics up that very cleverly disguise their actual facial features.

If your nick says something about you, you might want to explain that in your profile.

If you are primarily into the mental bondage side of things, your profile should reflect that as well.

But really the best thing you can do is get out there and meet real people as friends who are into BDSM. We're (mostly) a great bunch and don't bite (much).

_____________________________

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 17

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/6/2012 8:09:41 AM

OohAahMrs

Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Welcome hot.

_____________________________

You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 18

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/7/2012 4:45:07 AM

hotdplust

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

AngelicaJ

The links you provided are very helpful. Thank you.

(in reply to OohAahMrs)

Post #: 19

RE: New 38 YO "Dom" in FL. Need help articula... - 3/8/2012 5:56:51 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Does it make sense to use porn strictly as a visual cue to portray the type of scenes I wish to recreate?

While I was happy to watch porn with a regular play partner, if he'd sent it to me as part of the courting stage we'd have gotten no farther. I would have considered it crude.

I don't know how many subs are like this, but I just need to know the barest outlines - that our scenes will contain bondage, flogging, etc. More important to me is that he knows how to safely bind and flog, and that he will respect limits.

Florida has an active kink scene. Fetlife.com is great for finding events. https://fetlife.com/search?q=tampa

I noticed you use the word "master" in your profile. I suggest you stick with "Dom" until you have in fact mastered skills IRL.

Do add a lot of vanilla things to your profile - you're a member of CM; women already know you're kinky and will be interested in the whole package.

(in reply to hotdplust)

Post #: 20

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