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Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/6/2012 4:17:51 PM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		Hi all,

I got some great advice from you guys a few months ago. Anyway, i've been in my relationship with my vanilla girlfriend for almost 4 months now. I really like her, and things are going well. She knows im kinda kinda into bdsm, but she said she wasn't and doesn't really know about it.. I havent pushed it, or tried to get her to do anything out of fear of her running away..

Anyway, about a month ago, we had sex.. drunk. We both were drunk and had sex, and while I was fucking her, she said she couldn't feel me.. I was really turned on. So, she had me finger her with 4 fingers, I then put my dick back in her, fucked her and she said she didn't feel me that she needed something bigger.. So the humiliation was starting.. I then, took out a big dildo that I had for a while (she never knew I had it).. I said I bought it a few days before so we can try different things (which wasnt true but what else was I gonna say).. Anyway, I fucked her with it and she seemed to enjoy it.. And I was soo turned on. Later on though, she said it was a bit big and hurt her, so nothing more had escalated.

Last night, we got into a very sexual conversation. We are planning to go on vacation and I asked her if we were going to split the cost, or if I was going to pay for the whole thing.. She told me I would find out, and kind of teased me about it. That convo turned very sexual. I reminded her of the night we fucked drunk and was asking her about my size and she was pretty much saying im small. I told her a few "fantasty" scenarios about how if I didnt do what she asked or if I ever got her mad she could possibly tell her friends im small. She seemed kind of into it. She also told me I was going to buy her new sexy shoes now, and if I ever pissed her off she would wear them to the bar without me there.

Anyway, I dont know where things are going to go with this, but.. at first I thought this is amazing, im with a girl in a real relationship and shes getting into bdsm almost. Now I feel kind of weird, uncomofortable and akward about it. I feel like, my relationship was going good.. if this happens it might mess things up.. Maybe she is going to start to think less of me, because she likes a manly man.. Maybe she will leave me because ill start to cum ALOT quicker because BDSM thoughts will make me sooooo horny -- And/or I also feel like Im supposeds to be the "man" in the realtionship and with this power she has, its like the dynamic has changed, but i feel weird about that. I thought id love this, but now im feeling like maybe it was a bad idea.. Im feeling like damn, my girlfriend now thinks I have a small dick, and she can blackmail me, and use me, etc etc. Its like, when its with a woman who im not in a relationship with its ok for me to serve and be humiliated, but i feel like now that its with someone I care about its different.. Does that make sense? What do you guys think I should do? Is this the best thing ever, or a huge mistake? Shoudl I keep pushing things this way, or stop it now? I thought id always want this, and now I have it it doesnt feel right..
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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/6/2012 4:23:26 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Be careful what you wish for.

You're an adult... you figure it out and talk to her. We can't tell you what to do when you are mixed up and finding out that fantasy sometimes turns ugly.


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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/6/2012 4:30:48 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		Talk to her.

You are posting a WHOLE LOT of worrying for what has not happened yet. Go slowly and talk to her. It's not as if you two can't stop this now that you started it.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/6/2012 5:43:41 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Once you open a door sometimes its hard to close.
Yrs ago my Bf wanted to act out some fantasies, I agreed but afterward I never saw him again in the same light. It ended the relationship.
Act on your own instinct, what feels right to you.
I agree with be careful what you ask for, certainly doesnt always turn out how we imagine.

(in reply to hlen5)
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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/6/2012 5:51:56 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		FR

Things don't always turn out the way we expect. That's life sometimes.

But you should still see how this goes. If this is something you've really wanted, now is your chance to see how this works and whether you will truly enjoy it or not. I think it is actually too soon to tell one way or the other. I think you've taken a step and now you're having second thoughts, but I really think you should explore some more before determining that this is not for you. I think really determining what it is that interests you is important, and sometimes we can't really find that out without really trying.

As long as the two of you are enjoying things see where it leads, and try not to overthink the whys and the what nots. Make sure everything you do is safe, sane and consensual, and then just relax and see how things unfold. After all, we can never guarantee any relationship., BDSM or vanilla, will last forever or continue to meet mutual needs.

< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 3/6/2012 5:52:09 PM >

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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/7/2012 6:19:51 AM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		thank you fucktoyprincess, i like that advice.

After much thought I have decided to act on my feelings. Someone told me on another thread that she tried to have a bunch of boyfriends tie her up, and the one that actually did she married.. I figure I'm going to give it a shot and see where it takes us. If it works out and my fantasties and bdsm urges are met then i'll be happy, and hopefully she will be into it also. If she finds it too weird or stops thinking of me in the same light than I guess its not meant to be.

I figure, i'll always want/need bdsm. If I can reduce my temptation now its only going to grow more later on. If I can possibly have what i've always wanted with a relationship why fight it? If she doesn't look at me the same or changes the way she feels about me then obviously its not meant to be anyway and i should be with someone who can accept me for the way I am, or is more into the things im into.

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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/7/2012 6:42:53 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

thank you fucktoyprincess, i like that advice.

After much thought I have decided to act on my feelings. Someone told me on another thread that she tried to have a bunch of boyfriends tie her up, and the one that actually did she married.. I figure I'm going to give it a shot and see where it takes us. If it works out and my fantasties and bdsm urges are met then i'll be happy, and hopefully she will be into it also. If she finds it too weird or stops thinking of me in the same light than I guess its not meant to be.

I figure, i'll always want/need bdsm. If I can reduce my temptation now its only going to grow more later on. If I can possibly have what i've always wanted with a relationship why fight it? If she doesn't look at me the same or changes the way she feels about me then obviously its not meant to be anyway and i should be with someone who can accept me for the way I am, or is more into the things im into.


You are also young. And I think when one is young is an excellent time to explore and learn about yourself, so that when you ultimately make a long-term decision about a relationship (who, what type of relationship, etc.) you will be doing so from a place of understanding. And that can only add to the success of that long-term relationship that you ultimately make in the future. Will it be this particular relationship that turns into that long-term relationship? No one has the crystal ball. But understanding yourself will lead to better decision making for you in the future.


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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 7:28:40 AM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		Fucktoy, your right.s
I should.be open and explore. Tonight we are going to go out drinking, when we have sex if she tells me she doesnt feel anything should I start wit the humiliation? Like, "ohh baby your not gonna tell your friends about this.. R u?".. I mean I figure im not just starting with the kink for no reaaon it would be because she sais she didnt feel me.. What do u guys think? Plz be nice guys im just nervous scared and have anxiety about all this

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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 8:02:43 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Hi all,

I got some great advice from you guys a few months ago. Anyway, i've been in my relationship with my vanilla girlfriend for almost 4 months now. I really like her, and things are going well. She knows im kinda kinda into bdsm, but she said she wasn't and doesn't really know about it.. I havent pushed it, or tried to get her to do anything out of fear of her running away..





Better to find out now ...rather than invest a lotta time and find out she is not interested later

BadOne


_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 8:14:27 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Hi all,

I got some great advice from you guys a few months ago. Anyway, i've been in my relationship with my vanilla girlfriend for almost 4 months now. I really like her, and things are going well. She knows im kinda kinda into bdsm, but she said she wasn't and doesn't really know about it.. I havent pushed it, or tried to get her to do anything out of fear of her running away..





Better to find out now ...rather than invest a lotta time and find out she is not interested later

BadOne



Right. What have you go to lose really? The relationship now suits you to a certain point and then it's not really what you want or need. If you stayed with her for a length of time, would you crave the humiliation enough to go outside of your twosome to get it somewhere else? Do you know how many married people there are on this site looking for the BDSM that they can't get in their marriage? The marriages they made knowing it wouldn't be there, and they would be unfulfilled for good? I'd have to say if this is a strong need of yours, you'd better address it with this girl and any others who cross your path, or you'll end up leaving them eventually because it's not right for you, or you'll stay feeling unfulfilled.

(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 8:22:26 AM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		Great advicee guys. U put me.in better spirits, I cant tell u how.much i.appreciate your.advice and kindness. risktaker, your.absolutely right. so i.shouldnt hide my feelings right,?? If she tells me she doesnt feel me.during sex maybe ill turn that into some kink and humiliation.. If she wants to run cuz of that then maybe.shes.not.the one for me right??
So is this a good wway to handle it??

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 8:36:46 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		Ok, here's what your choices are.

You can stay with the girl.
You can part ways.

You also seem to have found that sexual humiliation turns you on greatly. Ask yourself....can I be with someone and not have the humiliation, or will I crave it eventually and feel unfulfilled if it's not there? How important is the humiliation to me?

Some people 'think' that they can do without something that turns out to be very important to them....what is it in your case? I don't know, only you do. If it's very important to you, then you have to find out where she is with it, because eventually you will leave the relationship as it's not there, or she will leave because she'll get tired of having you bring it up or desire something that she doesn't want to do.

Yes, it's scary putting yourself out there risking rejection by her- that's why you need to know how powerful your need is. Can you live without it or not? If you cannot, then you are being dishonest by not letting her know as she obviously has a choice too as to whether she wants anything to do with it or not and you are trapping yourself in something that isn't right for you.

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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 9:36:39 AM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		Risk,

I can probably live without it, but im not one hundred percent sure. My logic is, if it.turns me on why not try? If.she runs away she isnt the right one for me anyway.. Or maybe I can fight the desires.now but later.on like a year from now I wont be able to.. also, im dealing with her thinking im small with kink, which I figure is a good solution. And like you say, why invest.time into someone who two years down the road I find isnt into this and I need it so we arent compatible?

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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 9:44:13 AM   
MrsT301


Posts: 48
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline 		I think you should ask her to do a little bit of reading (at least a few internet searches or something) about bdsm and about your fantasies so she has some idea where you are coming from otherwise she might not understand what it is you're doing. If I knew absolutely nothing about kink and my man asked me to humiliate him and tell him how small he is etc I would be confused, personally.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
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RE: Vanilla Relationship turning to BDSM..kinda.. - 3/9/2012 10:35:45 AM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		Im not gonna ask her to read cause she wouldn't. Shes said im small before.and knows it turns me on when shes mean, and she seems to like it also. Ive decided if she says during drunk sex that.she.doesnt feel.me then I will indeed bring out kink.. Heres why:

1. Turn an akward situation kinky
2. Cuz I like it, and maybe she will too, and I deserve to be happy as doe she
3. If she goes running I know shes not.the right.one for me
4. Id rather.find out we arent compatible now than two years from now.
5. Shes the one starti.g wit saying im small so how else wud I deal w. That

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Profile   Post #: 15
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