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RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/11/2012 1:51:57 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Man! I can't imagine agreeing to something so fucked up. Please follow your conscience here, OP. I must disagree with Jeff on this one, though. It is not dishonorable to briefly consider such an arrangement, and then realize how stupid an idea it is. It would, however, be dishonorable to actually commit to such a scheme. Damn. I don't know much about these daddy relationships, but is this kind of thing typical?

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 3/11/2012 1:52:49 PM >

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The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/11/2012 2:58:31 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		What does your gut tell you?

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/11/2012 3:16:51 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		The dude is telling you it's over, which sucks if you weren't expecting that, but in the end I think it'll work out better for you as you can find someone you can spend real time with.

The part where he wants to keep you around for an even more limited basis is crazy for you to even consider. I mean it just feels like he wants some sporadic fun without having to put in the work for a relationship- he's pretty much telling you that it's all about him at this point. Your needs don't seem to matter. So he set you free and then said be around when I feel like it and have time for you. How does that sound to you? Something you'd be interested in? I'd tell him to take a hike, that's just me. Either someone has time for me or they don't, I can understand not being able to slot me into his life, but then he can't show up now and then and claim what isn't his anymore. Just my opinion - either you're putting in the work and have someone in your life, or you don't. Nothing is wrong with being too busy or sick, but the wrong part (for me) is where he is asking you to stick around for scraps and looooong stretches of nothing.

My own personal opinion is that he isn't someone I'd call a Dominant or a Daddy or whatever because using others nonconsensually is not cool. The guy that he wants you to set up with lies deserves better, and Daddy is a jackass for not coming to that conclusion himself. In the end if you're ok with being used whenever Daddy gets an itch then go for it, otherwise I'd be looking for someone who was more interested in making me happy. Please be the better person too, and don't even consider playing around with another man's feelings for a guy who only wants you at this point as a part time avenue for getting his rocks off. Words actually can't express how douchy I think that plan is- I'm hoping you won't have anything to do with it OP.

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/11/2012 3:33:34 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Man! I can't imagine agreeing to something so fucked up. Please follow your conscience here, OP. I must disagree with Jeff on this one, though. It is not dishonorable to briefly consider such an arrangement, and then realize how stupid an idea it is. It would, however, be dishonorable to actually commit to such a scheme. Damn. I don't know much about these daddy relationships, but is this kind of thing typical?


Not typical that I know of. I can't imagine what the guy was thinking about toying with someone like that, and why it would be ok. Any relationship that uses another without their consent is jacked up.

This is honestly one of the crappiest things I've ever heard of, setting someone up to be used as a substitute, with certain parameters and limitations, and all without his knowledge. Just wrong. No kink orientation name or style would justify this to me and that the guy suggesting it here is supposed to be a Daddy/Dom/Leader makes it even more incomprehensible.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/11/2012 8:29:09 PM   
DennisNajee


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline 		Head for the hills. 

He tells you to move on but then says go vanilla while he maintains some long distance online relationship with no possibility of going further. 

This really is a no brainer.


< Message edited by DennisNajee -- 3/11/2012 8:31:23 PM >

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/18/2012 8:33:58 AM   
nashsub4fun


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/13/2011
Status: offline 		There is nothing more I can add that hasn't already been said and I agree with everything, especially the "move on" comment.

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/18/2012 10:44:40 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		1) I have no idea if he is lying - I don't know this man, don't know you're relationship, or anything other than what you have said. You kind of have to deal with that on your own.

2) It depends on the person. If you want him as your Master, then yes, as Master/slave, you most likely should make sure he approves. I'm fine with this kind of dynamic. If you can deal with not telling the other person, fine, but I think most people would not like that at all.

3) As a Master/slave type of thing, Master can ask whatever he wants from the 'lilone', and as a slave she most likely should obey. That's my way of thinking. The ultimate choice of leaving is yours, but other than that, I say obey him.

If you can't handle what he has asked of you, you probably shouldn't be with him.

< Message edited by hellionsLight -- 3/18/2012 10:45:02 AM >

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RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/18/2012 12:06:54 PM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline 		He is probably lying to himself as well. Maybe he feels he can't be what you need but doesn't want to lose you entirely.

The problem is, if you are like many of us, a non Dominant man isn't going to work.

i think YOU need to move on and let him know it's been nice, but you don't want half a relationship. He may want to hold on a bit just to protect you from a bad guy, or in case he changes his mind.



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(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/18/2012 7:33:22 PM   
kittycake


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/1/2012
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the general consensus here...he's letting you go, but wants to keep you on the backburner.

Time to move on.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/18/2012 8:35:15 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		If YOU have had this relationship for a few years, and YOU've only found it necessary to see him once, YOU don't need to ask questions about him and his motives. YOU need to ask yourself why you don't have a real relationship, and perhaps YOU should see a therapist to figure out why YOU call something a relationship that clearly isn't. What his issues are, otherwise, is none of your concern, probably none of your business. Fix YOUrself.

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 5:19:49 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 5:38:42 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Move on.. he's attempting to use you... he's also disguising his shitty behavior by pretending its M/s or D/s or poly or something

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When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 6:35:54 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		I think I'm the only one saying I'm okay with this arrangement, if it was what I was comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable, you should move on. Or, if you really want a M/s thing, and you like him as your Master, I say obey. Sometimes I do things I am uncomfortable with, but in the end like, because Master says so.

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RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 6:55:52 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight

I think I'm the only one saying I'm okay with this arrangement, if it was what I was comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable, you should move on. Or, if you really want a M/s thing, and you like him as your Master, I say obey. Sometimes I do things I am uncomfortable with, but in the end like, because Master says so.


What about the man that "Daddy" wants to bring into the relationship who won't know he's being scrutinized by "Daddy" and won't know there are relationship parameters that are outlined by "Daddy". In short how about the guy who is being used as a pawn? That's ok with you too?

(in reply to hellionsLight)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 7:15:10 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi


quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight

I think I'm the only one saying I'm okay with this arrangement, if it was what I was comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable, you should move on. Or, if you really want a M/s thing, and you like him as your Master, I say obey. Sometimes I do things I am uncomfortable with, but in the end like, because Master says so.


What about the man that "Daddy" wants to bring into the relationship who won't know he's being scrutinized by "Daddy" and won't know there are relationship parameters that are outlined by "Daddy". In short how about the guy who is being used as a pawn? That's ok with you too?


Hm. What if that person said he doesn't care who she sees online? I'd be okay with that.

If not, no, I wouldn't be okay.

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RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 8:08:37 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight

Hm. What if that person said he doesn't care who she sees online? I'd be okay with that.


Did you miss point # 3?

quote:

# 3 He doesn't want me to tell the other man, and He doesn't want the other man to be a Dominant of any sort. He also wants to be able to still use me when He has the time and the energy. Is this fair of Him to ask?

(in reply to hellionsLight)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 8:19:20 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight

Hm. What if that person said he doesn't care who she sees online? I'd be okay with that.


Did you miss point # 3?

quote:

# 3 He doesn't want me to tell the other man, and He doesn't want the other man to be a Dominant of any sort. He also wants to be able to still use me when He has the time and the energy. Is this fair of Him to ask?



I talk about it in my first response. I forgot about it on my second, and then remembered in the one you are pointing out.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: He says He wants me to look for someone else - 3/19/2012 8:26:31 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

If YOU have had this relationship for a few years, and YOU've only found it necessary to see him once, YOU don't need to ask questions about him and his motives. YOU need to ask yourself why you don't have a real relationship, and perhaps YOU should see a therapist to figure out why YOU call something a relationship that clearly isn't.


This is pretty much my view.


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 38
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