Being Approached by Owned Submissives

Being Approached by Owned Submissives (Full Version)

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MysticFireTopaz -> Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 10:49:39 AM)
Recently, I was approached on two separate occasions via e-mail by local owned submissives, presumably on behalf of their Dominants. I do not know either of these submissives, nor their Dominants. The first was a female submissive whose Master felt she should experience being dominated by another woman. He instructed her to write to Me to see if I would be interested in doing that. The second was a male submissive who claims that his Mistress instructed him to write to Me to see if I would be interested in co-domming him with Her. Neither situation appealed to Me in the least, but I was curious about what others thought. In My opinion, the Dominant should have approached Me rather than instructing their submissive to do so in both cases. I can see a Dominant instructing their submissive to approach another submissive, but it seemed odd to Me that a Dominant would instruct their submissive to approach another Dominant. . What do you all think? Have other Female Dominants been approached by owned submissives? I have been approached by male and Female Dominants on several occasions with similar offers over the years. While I was equally uninterested, that did not seem unusual to Me. It just seemed odd to be approached with these requests by submissives who are collared to another Dominant. Lady Topaz

MsD -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 10:54:40 AM)
Like you, I have been approached by dominants & submissives alike ... both as a codominant & as an online friend. Like you as well, I am not comfortable with the codominant scenario. I have to wonder at the validity of a dominant telling their sub to search for a codominant vs the dominant approaching with that. shrugs But then, one always wonders at the validity of anything strictly online ... face-to-face is the only real thing in my personal opinion

janiceleeinsc -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 11:01:25 AM)
You are 100 percent correct in your belief that their Doms should have approched you first. My first lesson in training a sub is that they contact no Mistress or Master without my consent, and then I would do the actual writing. This is a huge punishment that would come from me. We are talking release here. Big protocol violation. I notice I get contacted occasionaly by subs/slaves and wonder if we are as a whole getting away from the basic concept of protocol. Respectfully, Mistress_Jan

LadyHugs -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 11:08:11 AM)
Dear MysticFireTopaz, Ladies and Gentlemen; I'm of the old school, where dominants approached other dominants and not send their slaves as messengers. What dominants plot (grins) is in house and we don't want the victim (grins) to know what is in store. But, on a more serious note--the reason I dislike being approached by strangers who say they are collared, is that I don't like any hint of 'stealing' another dominant's slave or other such misunderstandings. Never know if the slave is cheating, etc. I like hiding in the open. As far as co-topping/domination, I'm up for it at any time. If a slave approaches e-mail, I'll ask them to courtesy copy their e-mails and will write to them both. Again--Hiding in the light. Mentoring is what I enjoy and slaves often refer me to their dominants. I will explain why I go by such protocols. Most never knew such existed or why. So, I do grab any and all opportunities to educate others in a kind way. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

MdmSarah -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 1:06:58 PM)
I have several dominants I am friends with, male and female, and enjoy co-topping with them. This grew out of our previously established friendship that was first and foremost about friendship, not looking for someone to play with each other's subs. I have also worked with training another dominant's sub in areas that I was more qualified to do so than their own dominant - something I see similar to sending one's sub to professional massage classes because although I love massages, I am not qualified to train the sub to do so. We work out what they get out if it, and what I get out of it, then the sub goes back to their dominant. If a sub is involved, it ought to be that other person extending first contact with me, not the sub themselves, no excuses. That includes their dominant, their wife, their life partner. I find that in a real time situation, their "other" contacting me first is common. Online though it's more often the sub. But then, manners don't seem to count for much online, do they?

thetammyjo -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 1:10:48 PM)
I firmly believe that it is the job of the dominant to be the one making the first approach unless the submissive knows the person in another venue first. For example, I let Fox go to workshops and lectures on his own when we go to conventions because 1) I want him to learn stuff, 2) I want him to be known as the fine young man he is, and 3) he gets bored after a while at the bookstore or watching me sign books. When he meets someone at this workshops or lectures he has from time to time then brought them to meet me or they've come by to meet me later on and he'll introduce them. But if he and I met someone in these venues I would be the one reaching out the right hand and saying "Hi, my name's TammyJo and this is Fox. Nice to meet you." Note that I didn't say anything about playing or scening.... why? Cause I think it is very rude to ask someone to scene with you when you don't know them from Adam or Eve. Even at a play party I'd expect a bit more than "Hey can you flog me?"

Lordandmaster -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 2:39:53 PM)
Personally, I think this is another pointless debate about "protocol," but there is a lesson to be learned. You should always look on the plus side of cases like this. If it turns you off so much that a dom should ask his owned sub to make the first contact with you, then you should thank your lucky stars that the dom in question did so. It told you immediately that he's not for you.

MisPandora -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 3:59:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz Recently, I was approached on two separate occasions via e-mail by local owned submissives, presumably on behalf of their Dominants. I do not know either of these submissives, nor their Dominants. The first was a female submissive whose Master felt she should experience being dominated by another woman. He instructed her to write to Me to see if I would be interested in doing that. The second was a male submissive who claims that his Mistress instructed him to write to Me to see if I would be interested in co-domming him with Her. Neither situation appealed to Me in the least, but I was curious about what others thought. In My opinion, the Dominant should have approached Me rather than instructing their submissive to do so in both cases. I can see a Dominant instructing their submissive to approach another submissive, but it seemed odd to Me that a Dominant would instruct their submissive to approach another Dominant. . What do you all think? Have other Female Dominants been approached by owned submissives? I have been approached by male and Female Dominants on several occasions with similar offers over the years. While I was equally uninterested, that did not seem unusual to Me. It just seemed odd to be approached with these requests by submissives who are collared to another Dominant. Lady Topaz laughs I have SO been there in both of these places!!!! I can see the male dom doing it. He'd be disinclined to make an effort to actually find this for his girl (which in my mind would be the proper way to exert his control.) She's likely not BSing though. I'm sorry to pidgeonhole MDs, however, this has been my repeated experience. Time after time, the male dom actually exists, and there was a stage in my "leather life" where I'd actually pick up the phone and call these guys and tell them what I thought of the set-up. Now, I just pass it on through the girl or just ignore them both. In my mind, I'm less likely to believe that the male sub actually has a mistress. Inquire about speaking to her, and maybe even take the step to talk to her on the phone -- that is, if she exists. My inclination is that she doesn't, and that this is merely wank material for him. I consistently get emails on and off this site from owned slaves and it makes me batty. They wish to talk, make friends, "connect me to be a friend to their mistress", or play independently and other things that I don't exactly find wholesome or genuine. To me, it implies that the mistress is incapable of doing that for herself. The whole playing independently thing would again, in my mind, need to come through the mistress if it were to happen at all (and if I were interested in playing with someone else's toys.)

crouchingtigress -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 7:19:16 PM)
Owned or unowned if the person approaches me with respect and a genuine desire to know something about my preferences or to offer me an invitation, I personally, would not stand on protocol, because a. they would be a total stranger, and b. I would rather meet a new person and possibly explore a friendship with a fellow D/ser then to get trippy about protocol right off the bat. Protocol when both people have consented is totally different, and something I enjoy a lot, but I myself, would feel like a prat, to demand proper etiquette on an initial introduction to a new person.

fullofgrace -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/3/2006 10:31:08 PM)
He wishes me to explore sexual experiences with others, and for certain reasons it is more His style to have me seek it out than for Him to seek it out for me, so i could see a breach of protocol very similar to this in my future for those reasons, but i would do it if He wished. however, i agree that on the whole, it seems a better idea and much more trustworthy/authentic to have the dominant initiate contact.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/4/2006 4:13:26 AM)
I have a different take on the whole "contact" issue. Women should contact me more. Dominant, submissive, off their meds, or whatever. [:)]

Proprietrix -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/4/2006 7:41:11 AM)
It is more comfortable for me if the Dominant is the one doing the approaching, because that's what I'm used to. But what I'm used to doesn't constitute the one true way things should be done. I have come to understand that if there's a way to diverge from what I'm used to, there's at least a handful of people out there doing it. There's nothing inherently wrong with a coupled person approaching me on behalf of the couple, and some people see themselves as equals unless playing or whatever. Some Dominants put their subs in the position of messenger to humiliate perhaps, or objectify them, or make them more useful, or a plethora of other reasons that never occurred to me personally. Some people just don't do the protocol thing. If I want to meet more people, make more friends, and have more play partners, I have to be flexible to the fact that not everyone out there is doing it 'my' way. And I've come to learn that 'my' way isn't 'the' way.

HouseofBear -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/4/2006 2:25:39 PM)
When it comes to play with a collared submissive, we will not even consider it until the dom approaches him/herself. One, that way as mentioned above it does not smack of "poaching" and we also know that the submissive has their dominants permission to play. Lady Ursa

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/4/2006 7:22:20 PM)
MysticFireTopaz I've had the same experience lately as well and being raised in an old school way I politely explained that proper etiquette determines the Dominant should be the one approaching a fellow Domme. needless to say I've yet to hear back from any of their Dominants. Conclusion...wankers or lying altogether that a Dominant exists. When I read your post I went back to check and none of the profile state they are owned, collared or even under consideration. So no I don't feel its appropriate nor should be condoned. If I feel that the sub in question is simply ill informed I'll do as I have in these situations and explained what proper etiquette is expected. Then again it could simply be I'm rather strict and old school. LOL

mons -> RE: Being Approached by Owned Submissives (6/5/2006 12:49:04 AM)
greeting Topaz The first one with the women who master wanted her to be domme and learn more from a woman this sounds so much like the same woman who wrote me. She was english and ad had a very different thing on her she had cuff welded to her neck and wrist and ankles. I talk to her for sometime i was being friendly i do not think anything is wrong with having a submissive who is a female but it is not for me. But she was so into this thing with her master wanting her to learn from a domme. I wonder Topaz if this is the same woman. I also had dommes write me and want to me to tease their slave i am not into that either. It has happen more then you may know best wishes mons/jane ( i am dyexic so my writing is not that good but it is getting better)

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