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dally -> RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! (11/20/2004 8:49:08 AM)
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through my own experience with my ex husband i personally had to come to the conclusion that he simply was never going to be the man i wanted...it just was not in him, and i definately did not want anything forced and had no intention of changing him since i know thats a fruitless effort ...besides the whole dynamics of a D/s relationship, for me at least, is in knowing that i am pleasing my dom that i am filling that deep desire that is inside of him, and in turn that fulfills my own desires. I want to be able to submit to someone that will truly value that and cherish it. My ex husband never had a clue about any of my wants or desires, and he is just the kind of man that is fulfilled by leading a very vanilla life, he's happy just going to work, coming home having his dinner ready and in between a simple hassle free screw...ugh, i hate to sound so blunt, but hey that was my marriage in a nut shell. He needed my guidance in most of what he did, i pretty much had to take charge in almost every aspect of our relationship and our lives...so, of course, i was miserable and the time finally came when i had to really see my life for what it was, and see him for who he really is, i did a lot of soul searching and realized i did not want to grow old with him.
Towards the end of my marriage I was just so unhappy, and a lot of it came about after I discovered the lifeystyle, once I "opened that pandora's box" it changed everything for me....I would say it's like someone who lived their entire life in a communist country, who didn't know anything else, who was deprived of freedom, of all the good things life has to offer, but they did not know it, so how could they really understand what it was they were missing? But then, that person learns of a different life where he can speak freely, see the fruits of his labor, etc... how could that person just continue living contently in a place he now knows for certain is not where he wants to be? well....that's how i felt...whoa i just realized how much i've rambled on here, sorry : )
It's obviously a subject which stirrs up a lot of emotion in me.
Anyhow, it's been three years since we seperated and divorced, and I have never had the slightest regret or doubt that I made the right decision. I am currently single, yet I have never again felt the lonliness I felt during my marriage.
~hugs~
dally
"And those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music" -Angela Monet
[image]local://upfiles/59392/3AF57E5EB72E4079BB55E6B36F91DEC4.jpg[/image]
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