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you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/26/2004 5:33:47 PM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Ever since I discoverd who I was, then had my heart broken by a DM, who wasn't honest with me, I thought I could just bury this enlightenment I had found out about myself. It's not possible~! You cannot turn back~!Going back out into the "dating" scene with "normal" guys just doesn't cut it. It's not being real to yourself, therefore, you never feel fufilled. You know that incredible feeling of something is missing? I am on a missin to be true to myself, embrace it, and find that DM, I know is out there just for me~!
RaeRae39

Post #: 1

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/26/2004 5:46:13 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

:: head spinning, confusion reigning:: You were betrayed by the leader of your gaming clique and now you're looking for someone else to sling dice with? What happened, bad rules call?

Sorry, I'm assuming you mean the other kind of Dungeon Master, but that particular term has applied to a particular position among gamers for so long, I was momentarily disoriented.

Actually, I've only ever heard the term used by folks in the leather scene as a reference to the local "good bondage fairy" who runs the local playspace and makes sure everybody is keeping SSC and all that. I've never before heard of one's personal dominant being referred to as DM (aside from my wife, who uses it with both gaming and leather meanings implied, since we both game)

Okay, my head has cleared, I'm no longer confused. Good luck with your search :)

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 2

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/26/2004 5:52:40 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

M.Suleiman-

Dominant Male, I think- but I thought much as you did, too- and I haven't rolled ten in years...

stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 3

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/26/2004 5:56:58 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Ah, I see ::nods sagely::

It's this sort of confusion that causes me to refuse to use TLAs in my messages. It is simply too easy to get muddled up - like when someone's profile says they're D&D free, and no games, please.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 4

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 6:52:20 AM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Well, first let me thank you for the response. When I was with my Master, he said to refer to him as my Dominant Male in my life, so I did. He was much older then I, by 25 yrs. I do know that embracing who I really am, and not trying to run from it is key. I cannot be happy in a vanilla lifestyle , as I did for many years , and recently, tried to go back out in the dating world, only to find myself extremely frustrated. So, it leads me back, knowing it is the only way I will truly be happy. I am not a club submissive. I only want to have one master. One I can share all with and serve.
Raerae

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 5

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 7:00:07 AM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

When i first read the post i was confused what a DM was also -- thought it was because i am blonde! Thank Your for clearing that up for me Suleiman and TopCat Sir.

RaeRae the only thing we can do from bad experiences is chalk it up as a learning experience and move on. Somewhere out there is someone for us all we just have to find Him and sometimes that is like looking for a needle in a hay stack but we just keep searching until we find that one who makes our heart "pitter patter", takes our breath away and makes our bottoms red and hot!

*whoa run on sentence there?*

Good luck on your search and don't give up or settle for anything less then you desire...

Be well
Hugs
jenn

< Message edited by subbiejenn -- 10/27/2004 7:01:02 AM >

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 6

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 7:03:17 AM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

You do have my sympathy, by the way. I had to hang up my collar, when my full-time relationship "went south" as they say. Walked right out of the community, too. Didn't really leave the lifestyle entirely, but the missus is definately more kinky that perverse.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 7

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 3:31:32 PM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

RaeRae - I agree. Sometimes it is the idea that it would be easier, more simple to just *BE* without knowing that I need something a little different than the average, normal, run-of-the-mill and why can't I be normal like everyone else thing.

You are correct in that denial, repression, suppression - these do not work.

But here you are - welcome to the boards.

The possibilities for all things are endless avenues available for exploration. May we all reach the destination of our heart's desire.

newflowers

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 8

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 4:21:12 PM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Thanks so much for your replys~! And right now I know it was a learning experience with my last Master, but, the past is proluged, can't get it back, can only go forward, like SubJenn said, someone who will make the heart go "pitter-patter" again. Now if I can ask one more question. Do any of you have children? I have one daughter, pre-teen. Do you feel that some Doms may find this a inconveinance? Again, my last master, said he was fine with it, but, then when it came down to it, he rejected even meeting her. Although he insisted when we first met, he would treat her as if she were one of his own children. Then , bang, he said he changed his mind. What do you guys think about this? What are your idea's of having a loving Dom/Sub relationship plus a child?
Raerae

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Post #: 9

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 4:34:08 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

RaeRae, some Doms are not interested in subs with children, but not all. The truth is, it does affect how you approach this lifestyle, but that doesn't mean you can't participate. Just be patient and you will find a Dom who will accept you and your child.
By the way, what is proluged?

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 10

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/27/2004 10:54:18 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Being a parent in the leather community is like parenting when you're trying to get back into dating of any kind. Some prospective partners get scared off, some are okay with it. To me, it causes a little trollish voice to whisper, "hey, this one puts out!", but I find I have attitudes and opinions that are very much part of another decade.

Estring - I think she meant to type "prologued", as in Prologue: an introduction to a poem, play, or story. The chapter at the beginning of a narrative that sets the stage.

<edited for additional commentary>

Actually, I was not chosen by my mistress, per se. I was chosen by her daughter. On one of my first visits to the house, the kid decided that she really liked me, and asked if I would be willing to be her sitter. The mother had various commitments which took her out of the house on a regular basis. Being a helpful subbly sort, I agreed that there wasn't any problem with me spending a saturday night watching the munchkin (my girlfriend at the time has a wicked curfew, so I was most assuredly available in the evening). Since mom didn't get home until very late, I wound up sleeping over - usually in her bed. One thing led to another, and I went from helping watch the kid, to helping wash the dishes, to doing the laundry, to finally entering into a full fledged 24/7 collared commitment.

Not exactly germaine to your situation, I realise, but you got me to reminiscing.

< Message edited by Suleiman -- 10/27/2004 11:00:03 PM >

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 11

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/28/2004 7:55:22 AM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Suleiman, thank you for correcting my spelling~! Unfortunately, it is not one of my strong points, but, you got the idea~!
Any way, thanks for the input on having a child. I will tell you though, I feel that if I am a happier, more fulfilled Mom, I will be a better Mom~!
I spent years with my "vanilla" ex not being content or happy. Not to say unrealistically, we are happy all the time, not at all, but, I feel it does drift over to all our relationships. And children are so intuitive, they know, even when we think we are doing a good job diguising it. My daughter has called me on things quite a few times. So, with that said, in trying to be true to myself, and not denying,as in trying to fit in with what the world considers normal, such a cookie cutter mentality, ~is my goal.
There really is no turning back as I stated with the opening of this topic.

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Post #: 12

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/28/2004 7:07:55 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman
like when someone's profile says they're D&D free, and no games, please.

ROFLMSO.. Oh it is nice to see someone else who reads profiles like I do.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 13

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 10/29/2004 6:08:22 AM

inadazey

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline

Oh, that's the truth about not being able to go back! I'm 32, and have known that I wanted to be sub for over a decade. Knowing it is the easy part! *L* So I spent years trying to find what I sought... and years of getting into unsatisfactory relationships, breaking up, becoming disenchanted with the lifestyle, and deciding to "become vanilla." "Being" vanilla, for me, was basically being single and celibate.. that pretty much sums up the not being able to go back! *L*
But, the way I see it, people who are vanilla have the same relationship struggles.. they're just somewhat less complicated.
For me, though, finding the first man I've ever wanted to call Master has made all the years of struggle, frustration, and disappointment worthwhile. Once you find the right match, there's really nothing like it. And I think the right person comes at the right time, and you don't ever really know when that time is until it happens.
I don't have kids, but I tend to think that you run into the same issues whether you're seeking a dom or just a vanilla boyfriend: some are comfortable with that, and some aren't. And you and your daughter both deserve a man who wants her to be a part of his life, as well as you. My Master is actually a custodial dad of two young kids, and I'll admit that I was initially unprepared for the complications that would bring (less time together, etc). But I wouldn't have pursued the relationship if I hadn't wanted and been willing and able to bring his kids, as well as him, into my life. I tend to think that most doms would act in the same way.. to be blunt, your last Master sounds like he pretty much behaved like a jerk in that regard! But at least you learned from his behavior and your relationship. I agree with you that not sacrificing any aspect of yourself, and going along with the fact that a D/s relationship is what is right for you, does make you a better parent.
I wish you lots of luck in finding your Master.. I think it's just a matter of who, when, and where. And I hope you're able to enjoy the journey until he comes along. Best wishes. :) ~Daisy~

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 14

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/4/2004 2:43:55 PM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Indazaey, thanx for your input, much appreciated~! And you know what? I would never want to go back ever to vanilla again~! It's like cheating yourself. My new master, that I found on here is so different from my old one. He has such a beautiful heart. Even though he is a Dominant, he has a kindness that my other didn't. It is so true that every master is different, just like in reg ol vanilla relationships, and every submissive is different. And if you keep looking, you'll find one that touches your heart.
When I was going on dates with these "regular" guys, I was always left with the same feeling, "Blah", boring, mundane. I am a strong women , that is why I need a strong man, one I can respect. And sexually, forget about it. I need what I need. It is an inate feeling to need to give of oneself completely. To say do what you will with me, and I trust you in doing so.
Rae

(in reply to inadazey)

Post #: 15

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/5/2004 11:12:09 AM

dally

Posts: 108
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Hi!
i'm dally, new here....~waves~
funny cause i was just thinking about this last night as i was laying down ready to go to sleep, i had different thoughts going through my head and was philosophizing (as i usually do late at night when i can't fall asleep) on the fact that here i am a single woman able to date regular guys that my vanilla friends would find interesting, yet it just doesn't work for me...so i began to think back to a time before i discovered the lifestyle, four years ago, i was married at the time to a very vanilla man. But i was so unhappy, not just because my marriage was a wreck, but i wasn't happy with him as a man, i knew i wanted something more, but couldn't put my finger on it, until i discovered the lifestyle.

Then i began to think back to when i was very young and my first memories of feeling "turned on" was when i would watch those old dracula movies and would find myself feeling soooooo turned on in what felt like a "weird way" by the thought of a vampire taking the woman and seeing her so defensless as he would suck out her blood....lol, well, i don't have a blood fetish and not into "vampires" or anything, but these are my first memories of feeling "different" in that aspect.

Then as a teenager i remember liking the boys that were "bad", the ones that would have the anger issues, and in retrospect i was actually looking for someone dominant in nature but of course not knowing this about myself yet i subconsciously would seek the wrong type of guys, hence my ex husband..: )

Anyhow, point is, i agree...once you discover this about yourself how can you possibly go back? My best friend which is also newly divorced often tells me, you know it is going to be very difficult for you to find a man since you are limiting yourself to only men that are in the BDSM lifestyle.......i just say, if i can't find what i search for i rather be alone and have the hope of finding my "One" than be in a relationship and feel hopeless....been there done that, vowed never to do that again,

OK, will end this very long post now! lol
~hugs~

quote:

"And those who danced were thought to be quiet insane by those who could not hear the music" - Angela Monet

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 16

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/5/2004 1:30:28 PM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Dally, hi~!! What a great posting~! I do just like you, late at night I start my "pondering" which does sometimes piss me off, since it's always an early morning, but anyway,.....
I have thought back to the younge years as well~! Oh god did I date the bad boys. {my poor mother} I dated one who looking back now, was extremely dominant, although, hey we didn't have the knowledge to know that is what it's called. But, he was also an alcoholic. Then of course I went through my biker stage. Most men I dated, were bad, and the good ones I tossed, or just walked all over them.
Now, my ex is vanilla.Ahhh, I thought I could convince myself to be content, not the case. I ended up being more like his mommy then anything else. If the man doesn't respect himself, how can you? And how did you feel about your sex life? Or for me, lack there of. I always had a huge drive, and he didn't . Big problem. LOL, and you know, when he got mad at me he use to call me "whore"~! If he only knew~!!! I can look back on it now, and totally get it.
I just wanted to let you know I appreciated your posting, glad to know someone is out there just like me, not willing to settle this time~!! And face it, if we went vanilla we would be doing just that~!

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Post #: 17

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/18/2004 1:22:50 PM

dally

Posts: 108
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

hello RaeRae!
Thanks for your response!
My sex life with my ex hubby? lol...oh lordy! you can just imagine...by the time i discovered the lifestyle i tried incorporating it in our own sex life, without actually telling him about it, i knew he'd Never "get it", so i took out some ropes and blindfold, etc....to make a long story short i ended up topping him hoping he'd get the picture....anyhow it was useless! lol another time, and this was way before i even knew what bdsm even was, or that i was indeed a submissive, we were having our vanilla sex, and out of the blue he slapped me across the face....i was shocked, but soooooooo turned on! lol...and i reacted in an angry manner, i told him to never do that again, i realize now of course that i was reacting the way i thought i should, and not really the way i wanted to deep inside...i was so turned on by that i would bring it back again and again to my mind during our vanilla sex to help me make it through! lol
oh well, luckily that's all in the past!

~hugs~
dally

quote:

And those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - Angela Monet

(in reply to RaeRae39)

Post #: 18

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/19/2004 6:35:12 AM

sprite67

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

This is so true. Now in a committed vanilla relationship after a brief D/s one a few years ago, i realize that all of my past relationships were poor attempts to create that power dynamic in my life, and that my issues in my current relationship are constantly tied to this one...i need to be overpowered, outsmarted, out-wrestled, etc...on the physical, but also (or even more importantly) the emotional and spiritual levels...and it's a real challenge for my partner now to try to walk the line between being true to himself and being what he knows i want... and feels so hard to me to have him know i want something that he isn't, and which makes him feel inadequate...i want so badly to be able to play the dynamics in such a way that my service to him is just to love him the way he is, and i DO love him the way he is, but something will always be missing for me. i don't want to be the kind of equal he needs me to be, although i do my best... any more than he wants to be in charge of me.

(in reply to dally)

Post #: 19

RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/19/2004 7:33:28 AM

RaeRae39

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline

Hey, Dali~!
I too tried introducing the concept, with a real poor result. And I really wasn't aware of what I was doing either. I just know it sure didn't catch on~!
And sprite, see I can't go vanilla, I just can't, I just know better now, and to not have that part of me fufilled, would "hurt" any potential relationship. I don't want to hurt someone that may love me, so I just don't even go there. And it sounds like that is exactly where your at in your relationship now, wanting your partner to be a Dom, when it isn't in him, it isn't who he is. I do wish you luck though and hoping "love" is enough for you.
Rae

(in reply to sprite67)

Post #: 20

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