RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 3/17/2012 6:04:28 PM

Zinco

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Mocked in a friendly way

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 3/17/2012 6:10:34 PM

SorceressJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zinco

Mocked in a friendly way

Oh. My Husband's ex-wife, with whom we have remained friends, does this.

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 3/17/2012 10:18:40 PM

kitkat105

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I've told a couple of close friends. As 1 friend put it today, "Kat, you're halo is down around your knees now."

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 3/17/2012 10:43:59 PM

GloriousMorning

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A bit late to the party, but I will answer.

With my closest of friends, they know. I don't go through a HUGE attempt to hide it, but I don't shout it from the rooftops either.

I was outed in my close circle of friends by some one who saw me out at my first ever event (good lord!).. Aside from the odd comment or joke from the fellas, it turned out ok. My best girlfriend is not really kinky, but she knows and has told me more of her own exploits than she knows of any of mine.

Now with those I consider a bit more distant, or associates, unless I get an inclining that they are into some kind of kink or another, I keep it to myself. Its on a need to know basis ;)

I find amongst the "vanilla" crowd, they are always coming to me and confiding secrets or asking questions of a more sexual nature. I don't mind, but it is at times hard to maintain my more "vanilla" composure.

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 3/18/2012 11:41:50 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Norm5000
If so, how did it go? Did the person understand it? Or were they just more confused?

All my vanilla friends got it without any issue. I strongly suspect that is the case because I don't seek to dramatize how freaky we are. Rather, when talking to vanilla people I talk about how normal it is. I talk about things like how much we love each other. I talk about my preference to be a leader and hers to be a follower. I mention just how classic that is from a marriage standpoint. I don't get into the details of my sex life with other people unless they've expressed a serious interest in knowing details. Generally (but not exclusively) only kinky people want to hear that kind of information.

My general rule of life is that if someone truly is a friend to me, then they want to see ME -- not some fiction of me. So if they cannot handle the truth of me then they obviously aren't my friend. They are in a relationship with a person who doesn't exist. I terminate such relationships.

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 3/19/2012 5:52:15 PM

DesFIP

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I've had friends marvel at how we never seem to be irritated or exasperated with each other. But they've never asked how come so I didn't share. I figure if they really want to know, they would ask.

The only people who have asked me are my kids. My response is doing things for him is how I show love and that's why I do so much for them. It's made my daughter more reflective of what I have done for her.

I know he's talked to his sons about their relationship and the importance of having strong boundaries which you don't let others cross. It seems to be improving their relationships.

Both of us have explained that although you may not see him doing as much stuff as I do, because what I do is more visible, that he is doing as much for me but in very different ways.

Beyond that when someone suggested it was unhealthy for me to follow his lead all the time, my response was that in their relationship there isn't much happiness and maybe it was due to their selfish attitude. That when you seek to take and not give all the time, eventually the well runs dry.

However I don't talk explicitly about my sex life to anyone. I told my therapist I was in a d/s relationship and she had no problem with it for me. Because she saw me get stronger the longer I was in it. I still didn't feel any need to talk about sex because I have no problems that needed addressing in that arena.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 3/19/2012 5:54:07 PM >

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 4/12/2012 7:42:59 AM

DominaCeleste

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It depends on the friend. Some smile knowingly and agree that women should be in charge. Some shrug and reply with "To each her own." Others, and this was one of the best reactions I ever had... She and I were driving down the street when I told her. She actually ran into the curb! We've had many conversations about it since then... she doesn't understand the pleasure that is gained by both parties and thinks "there might be a little something off" about me, but we remain close.

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RE: Confiding in vanilla friends about the lifestyle - 4/12/2012 8:45:28 AM

Lucifyre

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Of all the people I know, the one vanilla person I have been able to talk to is, of all people, my business partner. We have a strong solid trusting relationship and we talk about everything when we aren't working. He does make wisecracks (in a friendly way) occassionally, but it's all in fun. It's kind of funny, he is almost 70, he has been vanilla all his life and if you were to meet him on the street you'd probably think he was the LAST person on earth to *get* what BDSM is all about.

He is the kind of guy that gets the ** your kink is ok, it's just not my kink ** thing and he does show genuine interest. I don't disclose the sexual part of my relationship with Mr but we do talk about the mindset and the things that go along with it.

A couple of weeks after we first discussed it, his wife called me and asked me out on a date to ** go pick up girls ** LOL.

I am very fortunate that I have someone outside my marraige who is completely accepting of me to talk to.

Lucifyre

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