Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (Full Version)

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VanessaChaland -> Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/21/2012 11:50:54 PM)

{Obviously with the exception being at gunpoint, the term "forced" is relative to the confines of this discussion.}

Perhaps I have a skewed perspective from interacting with so many Femdom cuckold blogs, forums, sites etc, but I am rather confused with something.

Everyday in the news, one can find endless articles (sadly) about raging, jealous, violent husbands who caught their wife cheating. (I am not making lite of this, its horrible and tragic.) For some this seems to be a natural reaction (anger, not violence) to the humiliation and sense of betrayal for her finding sex outside of their relationship.

Obvious we are well aware of the untold numbers of males that have a desire to be submissive and to be cuckolded by their wife/girlfriend.

What I am curious about is those males that lay between the two extremes. Men like my husband for example. He was raised in a hardcore and very repressed upbringing where religion, sin, guilt dominated all, and especially anything sexual. So once he reached his adult years, he was caught between natural urges, guilt over those urges, what his heart and upbringing told him, versus what his erection did.

We (he and I) have discussed endlessly how the image of women and their sex drives instilled in him by his mother, is night and day opposite what many women desire, and especially yours truly. He's fascinated by women with an aggressive sex drive, yet part of him is still shocked and perhaps appalled by some of what I desire and demand of him. I've often used the love/hate dynamic term/example to describe him and his reaction to me, to my urges and my insistence of his participation in my extra-curricular sexual affairs with other men.

So my question and confusion is, where are the guys that are in between? It took me a few years to train my husband to.....tolerate my lifestyle and choices, with minimal results. For example, the examples I mentioned at the start of this post involve guys that may seek a divorce at best for his wife's philandering ways, and violence at worst. The wanna-be cuckold types seem to often dream of being "forced" to submit to a dominant woman and to engage in all sorts of sucking, cleaning, fluffing acts. And then guys like my husband, who even now, several years into our marriage and all my training, gags, retches and nearly throws-up when I make him use his tongue to clean up my lovers sperm, yet his dick is still hard and leaking pre-cum while doing so.

Maybe I am not making sense, but do you see what I mean? Why is there so little evidence or discussion or example of the......compliant male eager to please his wife, who ends up being cuckolding by her, against all of his natural instincts? Why does there seem to be mostly one extreme or the other? Am I and my situation a rarity or is it just simply rarely discussed and kept more private in peoples personal lives for others?



LadyPact -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 12:11:43 AM)

I want to be a part of this discussion.  I really do, but could we do that without your ass in My face?  Seriously.  You've got a pussy.  Great.  Now, would you mind moving it?  If you bent over like that in front of Me in real life, you'd be walking away funny.

With that said, let's proceed to the topic. 

My first thought to you is to stop reading blogs and internet bullshit.  That's like trying to get your education by watching porn.  I've seen a couple of your posts and it sounds to Me like you and your husband have a good thing going.  Seek out other women who have this kind of dynamic and get the real deal.  It's not all that easy, because there aren't that many doing it successfully, but you can find them if you try hard enough.

In My personal opinion, there are some men who shouldn't be cucked.  If you see that potential rage in them or it's going to be too much for them to take, this is not the kink for you.  I tested the waters with clip on this one years ago and as soon as I did, I took it off of the table.  Not because he would go into a rage, but because emotionally, he was not suited for it.  It hurt more than it was hot, and even sadist that I am, I knew it would create harm.

Cucking a man is an art.  One that you can't see, but when you create it, you know it's there.





VanessaChaland -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 12:50:42 AM)

Interesting reply LadyPact.

Passive aggressive, with an effort at being heavily laden with insults and threats (both failed). Jealousy does not suit you, and as I have spent the better part of many years studying Tang Soo Do and work out about two hours a day, I laugh at your sad little hopes of being able to make me walk funny.

As to the actual questions I raised, you failed to address any of them, were off topic and in left field. Also you are confused as you seem to think I am seeking women or something. Maybe next time you should actually *read* before firing off a misguided retort. Whatever, thanks for playing dearie.



LadyPact -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 1:38:31 AM)

Hey, I didn't say you didn't have great legs, but you've got an Achilles heel like everybody else.  If the pic was cut just a bit differently, it would be great.

Now, how do you consider My saying that I think you and your husband having a good thing going being an insult?  You might just have Me confused with someone else.  It's not jealousy.  Hell, I'm the first person to be happy when people have a good thing going.

Why shouldn't you seek out other women to learn from?  Isn't that why you are here?

See, it really is an art.  One that you have to balance the situation tailor made for the person you are dealing with.  It sounds like you have a particular challenge in front of you with the two perspectives that your husband has between what he was raised with (his mother's view on sexuality) and the present (your own).  That's not the easiest thing to do in the world and I'm sure you've put a lot of time into this.  What we learn in our younger years is pretty well ingrained, even when it's not correct.  It's harder to unlearn something than it is to learn something new. 

Obviously, this kind of dynamic excites him, even when he doesn't 'like' it.  That's a bonus for you in owning your own sexuality.  It is about love and hate.  The guys who begged to be cucked?  They aren't any fun.  There's no pain involved.  Cucking a man has to hurt, but it has to be in just the right doses.  Not so little that it doesn't phase him and not so much that......  Well, those things that you said.  That's where the art comes in.  It's about doing it just right.

Let's forget him for a moment and talk about you.  In My opinion, you are actually on the right path.  You are doing great with owning your own sexuality.  How about the part where that bit of emotional sadist comes into play?  If you're enjoying that, you are in the best position in the world.  All you have to do is maintain what you want out of this. 
Cucking him is not an overnight thing, but who in the hell wants that?  Delight in torturing him every step of the way.  Yeah, yeah, you'll have to make sure that you don't take him too far all at once, and make sure the emotional bond is strong to bind him to you so you can get up to your fun, but the pay off for that investment is great.

Shall we go back to slamming our dicks on the table to see who's is bigger or do you really want to bounce some ideas around?



VanessaChaland -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 2:30:30 AM)

Wow. Is the "Blizzard of Words" thing something that happens to many people in Alaska?

I'm not asking to be "educated" in the "arts" of cuckoldry. I've been cuckolding my husband for years, have websites, numerous books and blogs on the topic. Were it that I was, I would seek out the council of more experienced women and men with erudition on the topic, not a self professed neophyte. In fact, part of my questioning is research for yet another book on the topic. As the point of my questions seem to elude you, perhaps we should cease discussing it. I noticed that we both joined this site at roughly the same time, yet you have 20,000 plus posts. That indicates what I call a "Forum Homesteader" as in one who opines and postulates on topics while pulling facts out of thin air. Seriously, why do you feel compelled to comment on nearly every post, especially those for which you have no first hand knowledge?

Regarding my photo and my "Achilles heel", feel free to peruse my site or blogs for hundreds of photos that will make you green with envy and drool with lust. :)

Whatever, I'm done with you.



LadyPact -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 2:58:22 AM)

No first hand knowledge?  Come on, sweetie.  I've been writing on this topic on these boards long before you ever came along. 

So, you are butthurt that a straight chick doesn't want your pussy in her face?  Well, I am terribly sorry to have offended you.  [8|]  You might think that shit is made of gold, but to Me, a Dominant doesn't have to display the goods.  Take that as you will.

Your question did not elude Me.  Perhaps the beauty of this kink touches Me in a way that it does not you.  As the saying goes, it really is a banquet and some son of a bitches are starving to death.

Awwww.....  Did you really go for the 20,000 post bit?  Are you going to tell Me that writing your books and your blogs for the sign of the mighty dollar is better than that?  Just because I can't be bought and sold doesn't make you any better than Me, cupcake.

Frankly, I greatly enjoyed having My cuck.  It was a fantastic dynamic that was greatly empowering.  It allowed Me to learn the nuances that only experience can teach.  I know you will not understand, being this big, bad woman and all, but that two years was one of the best times of My life.



QueenRah -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 5:13:23 AM)

Pact, I see your halo. I'm serious. Your response was far more restrained than I would have dealt.

Some people already know f*ck all and don't feel the need for anybody's insight, no matter how well-considered and potentially useful, if they'd just apply it. They just want to hear (or see) themselves think aloud in a public forum. Call it a wash and give to worthier causes. VC just made another friend. (sarcasm mode in overdrive)

QR[/color]



thishereboi -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 5:33:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VanessaChaland

Interesting reply LadyPact.

Passive aggressive, with an effort at being heavily laden with insults and threats (both failed).
Have you ever heard the term "projecting"?

Jealousy does not suit you, and as I have spent the better part of many years studying Tang Soo Do and work out about two hours a day, I laugh at your sad little hopes of being able to make me walk funny.
I doubt jealousy had anything to do with her remark. Some people just don't like looking at an ass everytime they read a post. As to making you walk funny, me ex had a paddle that would have done the job in no time. No real effert needed. But if you really have a problem with people thinking about spanking that ass, maybe you shouldn't shove it in everyone's face.

As to the actual questions I raised, you failed to address any of them, were off topic and in left field. Also you are confused as you seem to think I am seeking women or something. Maybe next time you should actually *read* before firing off a misguided retort. Whatever, thanks for playing dearie.
She addressed them, you were just so busy trying to sound superior that you missed it. Oh and I would have to give you a great big fail on the superior part.




VanessaChaland -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 5:54:07 AM)

How cute. A moderator came in and cut out the majority of the thread so now its truncated and makes no sense. Sweet. :)



HisPet21 -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 7:11:13 AM)

quote:

Regarding my photo and my "Achilles heel", feel free to peruse my site or blogs for hundreds of photos that will make you green with envy and drool with lust. :)


You need not tell us how awesome your ass is. We can all see it, and judge for ourselves. Personally, I'm not all that impressed (3/10). But LP is right, the legs are nice (8/10).

LadyPact gave you a lot of really good advice, and indulged you and your discussion topic even after you freaked out and tried to convince yourself that a straight woman's disinterest in your pussy made her either (a) jealous or (b) a secret lesbian (Cue James Bond Music). All she asked was that you change your avatar, and I don't see why you feel that was a personal attack. We say that to EVERYONE who comes in with an ass, pussy, prick, of bewb shot. It's just the protocol of this forum. Chillax.




GreedyTop -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 7:17:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VanessaChaland

How cute. A moderator came in and cut out the majority of the thread so now its truncated and makes no sense. Sweet. :)



When I turned my laptop off at work, there was a total of 6 posts on this thread. DO you mean to tell me that in the 3 hrs since then this thread generated SO MUCH commentary (and Mod-worthy commentary, at that) that it's been sliced down to 10 posts? Well, 11 now, with mine.

Really?

*snort*



MissImmortalPain -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 7:42:58 AM)

I want to makes sure I understand what you are asking here. You want to know where the men that are not open to the idea but not closed off to the idea of being a cuck are? Are you are seeking out men that have either not made up their minds or are cofused by making up their minds? If that is what you are looking for the answer seems as simple as asking about any other group...they are out there somewhere. It is has been my experience that this is a topc many men don't openly talk about. I am sure you understand that happens with many topics having to do with bdsm. But when they do I find that few I have met actully fall in the middle. Most men seem to know themselves well enough to know if they would ever want to take part in this sort of realationship.

As for the "forced" thought. You asked about how many seem to dream about it. Most of us that have been at this weird and freaky stuff long enough know that there is very rarely a case where something is really forced on someone else. As is often the case if you have to force something you end up breaking it and there by ending the realationship.

As for your hubby...it I have to make a guess. If he gets off on it , then he gets off on it. If he gags....well lots of girls suck dick too, they might enjoy the action but it doesn't mean they think cum tastes good. People have their personal tastes so to speak. I have a pet that gags if I make him eat his own cum, it's just how he is. I don't think his reaction is all that rare and I don't think your hubby's is either.

*oh and before I forget* Again, from what I have taken part in/seen for the most part this kind of realationship is very personal, but then what realationship isn't. It is for men commonly a very private matter they would rather not share with others.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 9:46:42 AM)

Vanessa Chaland,
I guess I'm a bit confused by your post. What you posted was not really a question. It's a direct cut and paste from your blog. So were you intending to establish a conversation with the other members of this forum, or were you trying to market your blog?

LadyPact attempted to begin a dialogue with you, and you rebuffed her multiple times. I think you believe that you "won" that encounter. But you didn't. You came off as a jerk, while LadyPact took the high road and continued to try to discuss the topic with you despite your rude retorts.

This happens to be a kink that I have some experience with. Moreover, I enjoy talking about it. But this thread doesn't seem inviting. I don't get the sense that you want anyone's opinion. You've already said that you're an "expert", and that you've written many books and blogs. So once again I ask, "why are you here?" It seems to me that you're primarily trying to promote your website and books, but I could be wrong.

I started a thread on cuckolding that should be on the second page of the General BDSM Discussion section of this message board. If you do a search, you should be able to find it. The title was "A serious discussion on cuckolding". It was a rather long discussion, and quite a few perspectives were shared by both males and females on the topic. It may provide some of the perspectives that you're seeking.

BTW, for those who haven't read her blog, the first post in this thread is a direct lift from her blog, so it gives a good sense of what her blog is like. Here's another sampling of her work:

"It is a happy coincidence for me that in the process of all of this, you are made to feel humiliated and small, which entertains me to no end. The taste and texture of that milky looking stuff touching your lips and tongue…..just like a faggot, even though you are not one."

Yawn!

Her blog posts have creative titles like, "Dominating the cuckold like a Cuckoldress Bitch does". This is the entirety of that blog post:

"Having a busy weekend so will add posts as it goes. Lets just say there is a lot of spanking, caning, ballbusting, facesitting and Queening happening, going along with some humiliation training for my husband via my lovers thick sperm after I get fucked….each time."

Wow! Exciting! Titillating! Insightful! [8|]

The rest of that blog post contains several naked pictures of her, but no signs of any cuckolding going on.

Her websites and blogs are all marketing vehicles for her. It's like one continuous commercial. The books are self-published and so I don't think they make her the "expert" that she claims to be. And all of her sites contain lots of pictures of her. I guess she's a bit of an exhibitionist.

The thing that struck me most was that her blog entries didn't have a single comment. None! Not one! That means that her blog likely has a very small readership. Or she's writing it for her own entertainment. Any good blog receives comment. That's how blogs work.

I guess that's why she's here on CollarMe. She's trying to market her stuff. I get that. I can even respect her capitalistic desires. But most of us expect conversations when we come to a message board, not marketing pitches. But maybe that's just my way of thinking.

Good luck in your business endeavors, Vanessa. I really mean that. But I'd strongly suggest that in the future you post questions, and not just cut and paste posts from your blog. After all, there's a reason why this section of the forum is called "Ask a Mistress".




Lockit -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 10:01:19 AM)

Thank you Roch... you said what I couldn't put together after I viewed her 'stuff'. I'm rather sick and just thought... it isn't worth it. Another day... I might have enjoyed having an opinion on this one. Yes, I would have enjoyed that just a tiny bit. [:D]



GloriousMorning -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 10:26:11 AM)

VanessaChaland

Your question was answered first by LP, and you came back with a completely out of left field response. Then LP answered you most graciously, still maintaining a reasonable amount of decorum and you responded with more insults. Like some one else said "cue the Twilight Zone music".

It annoys me to no end when people come to a forum, ask a question, then insult those who's views don't succinctly match their own. Why bother asking a question at all?
As they say, you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. You might want to think about that one.



GreedyTop -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 10:27:11 AM)

I'm pretty sure she started this same discussion on FL, too. Or someone did with the same title.



Lockit -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 10:48:58 AM)

She's selling books. They seem to be selling because we all know there is a large interest, however, the reviews are nearly non existent. When you don't get a response, you have to wonder, how good it really is.

I got samples. I wasn't impressed.

I might buy if they were under ninety nine cents. [;)]



GreedyTop -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 10:54:23 AM)

I'm still wondering about the "mod cleanup' in about 3 hours that left the thread only 4 posts more than when I had last seen it, especially considering the thread was only about 3.5-4 hours old when I shut down my computer.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 1:06:18 PM)

I don't think the OP wants any real discussion; this is straight marketing. The ass-in-your-face pic is all part of that. Gosh, we're seeing more and more of that on the boards these days. Crummy economy I guess. Business must be slow and in a week, rent will be due.





VanessaChaland -> RE: Volunteer Cuckoldry versus "Forced" Cuckoldry. (3/22/2012 4:14:19 PM)

CollarMe really does not change much. You leave for a year, come back, bring up topics that elsewhere are addressed with intelligent replies and numerous participants.
Here? No serious discussion, just random attacks, egos, arguing, assaults, followed with moderator favortism. How sad, lol.



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