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subbyinlosangele -> RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? (3/26/2012 8:58:14 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper
I have found the love of my life, and to make matters better, she's female dominant and I'm male submissive in terms of kink, though for actual sex I like to be in charge.
Since I was in my mid teens I have dreamt of femdom situations, and now I've experienced everything. She has an arsenal of toys and it's a blast. She has handcuffs, whips, cock ring, vibrating this and that, everything. And to top it off, she's fucking gorgeous!
But my problem now? I'm experiencing kind of a burn out now from doing so much. I have waited so long to meet a girl who was not submissive, who willingly wants to handcuff me to the bed, or whip me, or who is in love with CFNM or CBT. But we have kinky time every time, before sex. Sometimes I won't even get aroused without it.
But I've become so accustomed to it, that I find it hard to keep it fresh and exciting. She's female dominant bdsm-wise but will leave it up to me to bring up new things, for the most part.
So I'm stuck.
I generally know what we both like, but I'm running short of ideas.
I tell her this, and she just says, "What else did you have in mind?"
I love this girl to pieces, but I want to keep things fresh, and keep trying new things.
From your description, I don't sense this is really a sub-femdom relationship. It seems more like you are a kinky guy who wants the woman to use certain sex toys on him and she obliges you. And that's fine. But it doesn't sound like there is much of a mental connection, where she is dominating other than using the toys you ask her to.
It may be that you don't truly want a domme who is going to take control, except in the very narrow way you want it in order to achieve sexual gratification.
For me, it was telling that your entire perspective in this post is about yourself. It's also telling that you describe this woman as "gorgeous" but don't even give a hint of her personality or what you think about her other than as an object holding the whip. It seems like your whole focus is that of a masturbatory fantasy.
And, again, that's fine if it works for both of you.
But ultimately you will run out of toys, or the new toys will just be a variation on the theme. So my suggestion is you need to look beyond, "What new toy can I get?" and focus on the dynamics of the relationship. Because the things that will keep your relationship fresh aren't things you can buy from a kink catalog -- they are the stuff that is going on between your ears and between her ears.
And that's what a relationship is. It's moving beyond the thrill of the new to a deeper exploration of the old, and finding the new thrills there.
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