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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 8:06:24 AM

LunaM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Why is the sub coming up with ideas. Ain't that supposed to be on the Top?

This.
While it's true you can offer ideas, the Top is the one that, in my experience (limited though it is), have initiated new ideas. My Master is always surprising me when we have our scenes because the times are not the same. We don't do it often because of kids, work, dogs, and just us time but when we do I can always expect something new.

I agree that it sounds like you burned yourself out too early. Step back from the kink and see if you guys click on other levels and pay attention to the other parts of your relationship that are wilting and dying. A relationship needs to grow in all areas for it to be fulfilling for both parties involved, in my opinion.

< Message edited by LunaM -- 3/26/2012 8:09:15 AM >

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 8:15:46 AM

chatterbox24

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more, more, more & more.

Sounds lusty and short lived and lacking electric mental stimulation, thats what lasts. More becomes just right.

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Post #: 22

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 8:58:14 AM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

I have found the love of my life, and to make matters better, she's female dominant and I'm male submissive in terms of kink, though for actual sex I like to be in charge.

Since I was in my mid teens I have dreamt of femdom situations, and now I've experienced everything. She has an arsenal of toys and it's a blast. She has handcuffs, whips, cock ring, vibrating this and that, everything. And to top it off, she's fucking gorgeous!

But my problem now? I'm experiencing kind of a burn out now from doing so much. I have waited so long to meet a girl who was not submissive, who willingly wants to handcuff me to the bed, or whip me, or who is in love with CFNM or CBT. But we have kinky time every time, before sex. Sometimes I won't even get aroused without it.

But I've become so accustomed to it, that I find it hard to keep it fresh and exciting. She's female dominant bdsm-wise but will leave it up to me to bring up new things, for the most part.
So I'm stuck.
I generally know what we both like, but I'm running short of ideas.

I tell her this, and she just says, "What else did you have in mind?"

I love this girl to pieces, but I want to keep things fresh, and keep trying new things.

From your description, I don't sense this is really a sub-femdom relationship. It seems more like you are a kinky guy who wants the woman to use certain sex toys on him and she obliges you. And that's fine. But it doesn't sound like there is much of a mental connection, where she is dominating other than using the toys you ask her to.

It may be that you don't truly want a domme who is going to take control, except in the very narrow way you want it in order to achieve sexual gratification.

For me, it was telling that your entire perspective in this post is about yourself. It's also telling that you describe this woman as "gorgeous" but don't even give a hint of her personality or what you think about her other than as an object holding the whip. It seems like your whole focus is that of a masturbatory fantasy.

And, again, that's fine if it works for both of you.

But ultimately you will run out of toys, or the new toys will just be a variation on the theme. So my suggestion is you need to look beyond, "What new toy can I get?" and focus on the dynamics of the relationship. Because the things that will keep your relationship fresh aren't things you can buy from a kink catalog -- they are the stuff that is going on between your ears and between her ears.

And that's what a relationship is. It's moving beyond the thrill of the new to a deeper exploration of the old, and finding the new thrills there.

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Post #: 23

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 10:37:09 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

I have found the love of my life, and to make matters better, she's female dominant and I'm male submissive in terms of kink, though for actual sex I like to be in charge.

You lost me right there. I have to assume your both switches???

BadOne

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 11:46:41 AM

MrBukani

Posts: 1920
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He is a switch
BTW
Im gonna say a lotta stupid things.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 11:48:04 AM

MrBukani

Posts: 1920
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Maybe she is a bottomdumb or dom I get confused spreche deux lingua

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Post #: 26

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/27/2012 3:28:25 AM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

Thank-you for the replies. To reiterate, I never said anything about having a boring life outside of the bedroom. We have a blast when we go out for dinner, or out for drinks, with friends, enjoying our hobbies. I'm purely thinking of our sex life (which is not a huge part of our lives, but a vital one for both of us), and I want to keep it fresh for her, too. She's into it just as much as I am, sometimes she brings the ideas, sometimes I do. But we both like to try new things.

Your actions (as described in your OP) simply aren't matched by your words, here...! 'Cept for this bit, natch - "I'm purely thinking of our sex life".

Admittedly, we only get 24hrs to the day in Oz, but any couple living a full and mutually caring, nurturing relationship isn't sweating about things getting stale. Because there usually isn't the time - because they're living a multi-faceted life together.

Your favourite meal/food is that because it's relative to all the other foods you eat. Start eating that favourite every meal or even just every day, and what mystical thing inevitably happens?

Too much of *anything* isn't good for you - and THAT'S what you're describing in your OP. Ok, just took a quick squiz at your profile; stopped at the part that says you're 23. Seem to recall your OP said you've now experienced everything. Figgers.

I'm gonna stop typing now....

Focus.

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Post #: 27

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/27/2012 3:40:45 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Why is the sub coming up with ideas. Ain't that supposed to be on the Top?

Errr, no...!

Big bad Uber-Dom that I undoubtedly am, I'll concede I'm not the most creative ideas-man around. So, yeah, if the girl's got something in mind, it's absolutely open to discussion.

Now, how I choose to implement (or change/tweak/administer/withhold) said good idea, yeah, that's all on me.

Hell, I'd imagine even pro dommes ask the sub/customer if they have a particular fetish they'd like to explore....

Focus.

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Post #: 28

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/27/2012 6:22:25 AM

Kana

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Heya Focus,
I ain't saying that the sub can't occasionally come up with ideas....but that in general shouldn't it be the top creating the scene and doing what the top wants....otherwise they are just acting as a fetish delivery service provider for the sub....which makes me wonder who is really in charge here then.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/27/2012 6:54:29 AM

GotSteel

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Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper
But I've become so accustomed to it, that I find it hard to keep it fresh and exciting.

You may just be getting over sub frenzy.

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Post #: 30

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/28/2012 2:44:42 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Heya Focus,
I ain't saying that the sub can't occasionally come up with ideas....

Hmmmm, and I quote: "Why is the sub coming up with ideas. Ain't that supposed to be on the Top?"

You give?

quote:

but that in general shouldn't it be the top creating the scene and doing what the top wants....otherwise they are just acting as a fetish delivery service provider for the sub....

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.... Got lots of experience at not being overly creative or original - but I do a lot better come "game day".

quote:

which makes me wonder who is really in charge here then.

Not me (or you, I reckon); I agree with GotSteel. Sub frenzy - it's all about the OP getting done.

Focus.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/30/2012 8:59:25 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Harken back to your days of small penis humiliation.

BDSM is very psychological. The thought and anticipation of things is often way better than the given realities. And, just to get dualistic on you, the given realities can fire one's imagination. Be sure to take everything in. Try to calm your restlessness. Be mindful.

Its a little bit like food. Savor the the flavors. Be grateful.

In my pedestrian world, the thought of that cheese danish and coffee at 3 PM makes 9AM-3PM that much better, but oddly it all can be disappointing at 3:05 -- post consumption. Will rotating that treat (from the danish-cookie-scone-cake) up my satisfactions?

Its all part of the epicurean ebb-and-flow of life. He who rushes arrives late, he who slows down timely gets there.

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Post #: 32

RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 4/2/2012 10:08:30 AM

tng