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Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 8:17:13 AM

skittykitty

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/22/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline

I am new to CM, but not new to the lifestyle/scene or whatever definition suits you best, in my profile I identify as a Switch, however it seems to a great many people, doms and subs, that I am just a switch because I have not met the 'RIGHT' one. The right master who will cure me of any switch tendencies I have, I have lost count of the amount of messages from doms that basically say 'I will cure you of this'. And messages from subs who assure me that if I hook up with their dom/master then I will also be 'cured'.

I was just curious if any of the other switches I see posting in here have had the same reaction either on CM or IRL.

kitty..

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Post #: 1

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 8:25:16 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

There's not a single person here, no matter what orientation, that doesn't get told they "aren't really who they say they are" at some point or other.

Switches get it more often I think because people don't get the idea of being outside the basic "dom or sub" box they form in their minds.

You simply smile at the ones who try and deny you, and keep doing what makes you happy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 2

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 8:25:30 AM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

I haven't had anyone offer to "cure" me but there is a certain amount disdain and intolerance that comes with IDing as a switch. My suggestion would be to tell them you are more sub than they could ever handle and more Dom than they'll ever be.

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 3

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 8:29:34 AM

Lacaena

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline

Yes, I get this all the time. For some reason alot of people just can't seem to accept it. I tell them that I've found the one, I have agreat dom that I submit to, I live with him, I live as his sub. And not to toot my own horn but I'm a good sub. And I try not to judge but I hear this from casual players, and I play 24/7 (not that this makes me better) but just 'cause I identify as 'switch' I'm not a good sub, and I'm 'confused'. Why is this?
I also have a love in me of topping, it is a different type of love but still important to me. I personally think that switches make really good tops and bottoms, they know what it takes to top and they know what it takes to bottom. I think that makes for a great dynamic in a scene and a much better understanding of your partner and what they are experiencing.

I used to try to explain this to everyone who mailed me saying this but I eventually gave up and now just send them, a short "to each their own" blurb. Who am I to judge, and better...who are they? Sorry to vent a little lol.

Lacaena

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 4

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 8:31:47 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Just smile sweetly and point out that you get the best of both worlds.

(in reply to Lacaena)

Post #: 5

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:02:51 AM

sharpwittedfl

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/25/2004
Status: offline

"haven't had anyone offer to "cure" me but there is a certain amount disdain and intolerance that comes with IDing as a switch. My suggestion would be to tell them you are more sub than they could ever handle and more Dom than they'll ever be.

_____________________________

A Heretic as usual
Rich"

Agreed, while it is patently not approriate to be judgemental in an alternative lifestyle if happens here and in real time. I have found that most that have issue with switches are not secure in their own roles. Anyone who offers a "cure" should hope that the vanilla world doesn't take it to mind to bring back the historical "cures" that faced "deviants" of the past of they'll likely all be on the rack. LOL

_____________________________

Unchain your imagination.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 6

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:07:19 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I personally do not understand the concept, as I am not a switch. But that doesn't mean that other people are not. I don't think differently of those that identify that way, nor do I think less of them. Saying someone is "just a switch" is the same as saying someone is "just a sub" or "just a top". It is negative and lacking compassion for another person's identity of self. Search on "Just A Sub", as it has been a recent thread...

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to sharpwittedfl)

Post #: 7

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:41:35 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: skittykitty

I am new to CM, but not new to the lifestyle/scene or whatever definition suits you best, in my profile I identify as a Switch, however it seems to a great many people, doms and subs, that I am just a switch because I have not met the 'RIGHT' one. The right master who will cure me of any switch tendencies I have, I have lost count of the amount of messages from doms that basically say 'I will cure you of this'. And messages from subs who assure me that if I hook up with their dom/master then I will also be 'cured'.

I was just curious if any of the other switches I see posting in here have had the same reaction either on CM or IRL.

kitty..

Hi kitty. If it was me, whenever I received one of those "I'll cure you" messages, send them one back saying "Oh, thank god! Can you also cure me of this raging case of syphllis???".... maybe then they'd leave you be. Stay strong.

Level

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 8

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:56:19 AM

cubbyMystC

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

well in all honesty i don't think there really is a "cure" to being a switch. i mean if we al really look at it everybody is a switch in some form or another. i mean you can be the most dominant person in your own private life but when you get puled ouver for speeding you "submit" to accepting that ticket the officer is handing you. So i gues swhat i am trying to say is that with whatever relationship you find yourself in, you wil get into a "nitch" that you feel most comfertable in. you still may feel the need to submit every once in awhile but then again what is so bad about that....<grins>

_____________________________

"Happily serving my Mystress for over 8 years with open mind, heart, and spirit. Through Her collar i am free......."

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 9

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:57:44 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

I thought to need a cure you should be sick first. Maybe I'm the nit but I didn't think being a switch was an illness. all you can do is laugh and end them on their way.

K

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 10

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:58:59 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

I see switching as a valid lifestyle choice and think those who offer to "cure" you are being disrespectful.

Personally, I am seeking a sub or slave rather than a switch, but would never dream of writing to a switch, telling him I could "cure" him. To Me, that is just plain rude and disrespectful of the path he has chosen to follow, which is just as valid as anyone else's.

As a Domme, I get the occasional male dominant who thinks that I am a misguided sub at heart, and he can show Me the way. Needless to say, he gets a piece of My mind, then gets blocked, LOL.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 11

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 10:14:34 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

The best email I ever got was from a self-proclaimed master who assured me that he had a Ph.D in BDSM and there was 'no such thing as a switch, my dear, I assure you."

I felt so much better after that because I had been so confused. I mean.. a Ph.D in BDSM! I didn't know that you could get one of those. I asked him for his CV because, damn, I want a Ph.D in BDSM, too but for some reason, he didn't write back to me so I don't know where to go for the classes.

I remain confused and nonexistent,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 12

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 10:17:38 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

hmmmmmmmm... I'm bi, too and have heard that argument about 'cure' from that standpoint, too!

What IS it about some people who think because I look, feel, believe differently than they do that I'm somehow 'damaged goods'???

Still waiting for that REAL man/woman/religion/cosmetologist to fix me. ...Not.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 13

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 10:24:18 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am what I am and its all I can be. No one should try to fit into the molds others attempt to force them into. If peeps don't like it they can go fuck themselves.

Be yourself

~Lashra

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 14

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 10:32:31 AM

realmanfordomme

Posts: 37
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

no such thing as a switch? i bet even the most hardened Dom(me) would have an immediate role change when pullled over and questioned by the police! police: " liscence and registration please" ... Dom:"on your knees you pig." LOL what a hoot !

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 15

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:00:02 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: skittykitty

I am new to CM, but not new to the lifestyle/scene or whatever definition suits you best, in my profile I identify as a Switch, however it seems to a great many people, doms and subs, that I am just a switch because I have not met the 'RIGHT' one. The right master who will cure me of any switch tendencies I have, I have lost count of the amount of messages from doms that basically say 'I will cure you of this'. And messages from subs who assure me that if I hook up with their dom/master then I will also be 'cured'.

I was just curious if any of the other switches I see posting in here have had the same reaction either on CM or IRL.

kitty..

I tend to get the feeling that because I'm a switch, people think that I can't be Dom enough or I can't be sub enough or they're afraid that I'll try to do a turnabout, even if they're not a switch. I have a desire for both dynamics, but if I meet the right person who is one or the other, I will be the role that they need. I suppose the problem lies with the word "role." Many people tend to believe that because I'm a switch, being a submissive is not "who I am" or being a Dominant is not "who I am." My desire to submissive or Dominant is no less intense than the majority of "true" Doms and subs out there. I think many people don't understand that.

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 16

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:02:56 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

I personally do not understand the concept, as I am not a switch. But that doesn't mean that other people are not. I don't think differently of those that identify that way, nor do I think less of them. Saying someone is "just a switch" is the same as saying someone is "just a sub" or "just a top". It is negative and lacking compassion for another person's identity of self. Search on "Just A Sub", as it has been a recent thread...

Even though you don't understand the concept, could you still submit to a switch if he was Dominant with you?

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 17

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/4/2006 9:09:04 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

LOL
ok I switch at times too though I am mostly submissive, switch is a valid life choice dont let anyone tell you that you are confused or can be cured!! you are aloud to want and enjoy both sides anyone who wants to change that isnt right for you

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)

Post #: 18

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/5/2006 12:44:09 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Im a switch. And yes, been offered the cure. Im happily living as my Sir's submissive. We wanted to 'ignore' the switch. Only when your least expecting it, she jumps out at us, and bites us on the arse!
We have had to be pretty creative, in allowing me switch time. Im sure you will find your own path to fruition in both aspects. Rocky as im sure it can be.

I tried to ignore that side of me. And for the main, i can. But every so often. I want to be the one on top. I expose myself to switchy material. Porn etc. And feed on it. Working myself up into some frenzy of need. The has to be communicated and solved. He realises this is not going to go away. That this is part of me. We are trying to find a way to incorporate this side of things, in a way that works for us. It is not yet, resolved. But we are working toward that.
Unless with another switch, what monogamously can you do?
Get creative.
I think the longer we share together in our D/s, the more 'safe' in our roles within that. As our trust in each other has expanded, so have some barriers come down. We are now free to have 'nights off' of D/s. Nights just for fun. It doesnt alter our dynamic, as i feared it might. He is still Sir. I am still littleone.
But he, like most i had met, judge switch to mean, 'you havent made your mind up yet" and 'you havent met your cure'. Im not a bi sexual switch who is now a owned sub.. Im actually, a very greedy little girl. Im not taking anything off the menu until i know i dont like it for sure.

Subbing. Feeds other aspects of need for me, like non sexual. The sexual side for me, is not submissive orientated, its kink orientated. And eclectic kink at that.

and stuff
little1

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 19

RE: Switching as a valid lifestyle choice - 6/5/2006 1:02:48 AM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, you can catch a lot of that if you read some of the old posts in the "ask a switch" forum. You get a lot of the same flack if you're Bi. Folks think you're confused, or you just haven't found the right person yet, or it's just a phase.

I'm not confused. I know who I am and what I like. I like steaming, hot, wet vaginas, and I like big, strong, throbbing cock. I like begging, and I like making somebody beg. I like whipping, and I like being whipped. With the right person, anything is possible.

Many whom we meet in this world, however, are in fact small, timid creatures whose paltry imaginations are incapable of allowing them to comprehend the vastness of the universe around them. If they were to truly be confronted with a room full of switchy types, they would be left as drooling, gibbering wrecks, much after the fashion of one of Lovecraft's ill-fated protagonists.

Don't get annoyed. Just laugh. If they try to drag you down, it is only because they're beneath you.

< Message edited by Suleiman -- 6/5/2006 1:06:56 AM >

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to skittykitty)

Post #: 20

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