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RE: Relocation - 4/3/2012 3:19:03 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Azanthis

So my question is, have you relocated for a BDSM relationship, and if so what were the motivators and the outcomes?

One thing to keep in mind is that talking on the telephone, or e-mailing, or Skyping is not the same as being there. It may seem similar, but it's not.

Having to deal with someone on a day-to-day basis is very different from talking on the phone. And it's very different from visiting a few times.

When you visit someone, or when they come to visit you, you're both on your best behavior. You clean up your house before they arrive. You get your hair done. You treasure every moment that you're together.

But when you move to be together, you get to see the real person. Nobody can be on their best behavior all the time. So you start to realize that his house isn't always super clean. In fact, it's a mess most of the time and he throws his dirty clothes on the floor.

Similarly, he learns that you are cranky in the morning until you have your coffee. He learns that you can't cook. Or that you want to have 9 cats in the house.

The wonderful Dr. Jekyl that you've been in a long-distance relationship with can often become the terrible Mr. Hyde when you move in with him. Don't overlook anything that makes you feel uneasy about a person. It's okay for a sub/slave to question a potential Dom/Domme/Master, particularly if you are planning to relocate for that person.

Never let fantasy or romance keep you from thinking through the practical realities of moving. For example, if you know that being close to your family is very important to you, don't pretend like it's not. You'll only get depressed when you're no longer able to see them on a regular basis. And if you live in a big city and love going out on the town on a regular basis, understand that you're not going to be able to do that if you move to a small rural town. For some people, those transitions are easy. For others, they are difficult or even impossible.

These may seem like common sense tips, but love/romance often makes us forget about common sense. Don't ever do that. Think with your head, not with your heart. And never make important life decisions while in the middle of sub frenzy.

(in reply to Azanthis)

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RE: Relocation - 4/3/2012 4:40:11 AM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
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I agree with Rochesub2009 (excellent post btw). I may add a few things to his already great post (my experience). My ex moved in with me from charleston sc to here in Chapel Hill NC. she was young, and moved out of her parents house. She was lost. All her friends were gone, new job that she hated. she had some local friends here (local kinksters) but never went to see them. I tried to encourage her to go out with people her own age (she was way younger then me) to no available. You already figured that it fell apart :(

Like Rochesub2009 said, when you see each other on weekends or maybe 2-3 times a week, you always are on your best behavior and everything is "happy and pink". When you move in with someone is when the real work starts (that is just moving in with someone, I'll get to the relocating later). Once you move in , you do noy have your "safe place" anymore (YOUR place). If you need to be alone and need some "me time", too bad, the other person is also there.

Add the relocating on top of that, and it gets tougher. New everything , find a job, it can get rocky. I would definately examine the schools/ job situation/friends before relocating so you can have a "support system" other then your significant other .
Just my $.02.

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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RE: Relocation - 4/3/2012 8:29:54 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
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I meet my hubby online.. He was in Texas I was in another country... after months of talking... meeting once...he moved to me for the summer which his profession allowedhim to do... so we had four wonderful months to fight, figure it out, have make up sex, fight figure it out. We were both however older. He is a loaner by nature and had a life to come back to. I would never recommend it to anyone.. ever... nope.. crazy stupid.. batshit crazy in love stupid.... we managed but it was work... it took commitment... it took alot of patience and faith. I eventually moved to texas with him...after 15 yrs together.. I miss home everyday... but I love him more.. so I wait until the day he retires then Im draggin him the four dogs and whoever is in service to us back home with me... !!!! ENOUGH OF THIS FECKIN HEAT

PS we call that happy pink all love stage.. the horneymoon.... eventually the endorphins relax and your left with someone whose habits last week were soooo adorable now make you want to rip their testicles off

< Message edited by MsSylverdawn -- 4/3/2012 8:31:33 AM >

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