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MsSylverdawn -> RE: Irrational Fears (4/3/2012 1:55:31 AM)
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ok... here goes... I have horrendous body image issues... first of all Im tall...second of all Ive always had weight issues.. third of all Im am beat to crap scars from surgery, accidents, right foot is a mess from being broken three seperate times..and I come from a fabulously good looking family. I dont mean just nice looking I mean... delicate feminine china doll women... with striking coloring.. and a brother who honestly could have been robert redfords younger better looking sibling. Further, Im bookish, somewhat reserved in person and have been told all my life by my family that I was too big, to overblown...( im busty, large and statuesque) Ive been attracting negative attention for my body from men ie they wanted to grope my boobs in dark corners, or my sisters saying at 5 10 and 170 lbs that I needed to loose thirty pounds. I dieted myself into a serious weight issue which I am currently working on. And yet I met a man who I married who sees me for more than the components of my parts. He sees my heart, my soul, he sees my blue eyes and says I am the Light of life... and still I struggle... and then along came red... my boy...who loves that I am all that is soft and round and feminine... he loves my long legs... that wrap him up... he says Im beautiful... and still I struggle..
this is what I know in order to love you have love yourself... in order to find acceptence you have accept your imprefections...and still I struggle..
body issues are more than just seeing imprefections like a bump on your nose..its about being worthy...its about being a female of worth in this world, in your life and in your family.. only you can set your self worth...but by god let the people in your life that truly love you give you a blue book value...
I realized as a result of a submissive who made me feel all those things about not being worthy again.not being good enough.. you know what fuck that I am loved I love.. I am unique.. I am the only me .. and I am awesome at being me..two weeks later red walked into my life why because I was ready to believe I was worthy of that kind of devotion... I annoucned this to my husband and he said about time .. you are and always have been the beat of my heart.. Ive known you were awesome since day one... and yet there are days that still I struggle..I just struggle less hard
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