Questioning myself (Full Version)

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EmotionalOasis -> Questioning myself (4/1/2012 1:51:34 PM)

I recently had an event happen that made me question myself, my morals and my ability to be dominant. I am taking a break from the chat rooms and the profiles. Obviously no one should follow anyone who is of low moral standing, but if I can sort out some of these issues. Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.



littlewonder -> RE: Questioning myself (4/1/2012 1:56:43 PM)

Yes. It's called being human. Everyone goes through this from time to time. If someone loves you they are there for you through thick and thin. When I was looking for a Dom, I wasn't just looking for someone who wanted the power but someone who was totally human and well rounded, with all the emotions, heartaches, joys, etc...that come along with being human.

No one is strong all the time. We all have weak points in our lives. If someone doesn't view you as dominant because of that, then they aren't looking for a partner, they're looking for a fantasy.



peppermint -> RE: Questioning myself (4/1/2012 3:06:16 PM)

Many years ago I went through a period that sounds similar to what is happening to you.  I felt emotionally and mentally weak.  I took a break from looking for a partner.  I concentrated on getting myself back into order.  I did not stop making friends.  Those friends were very good for me and helped me a lot.  However, I did not look for what is often referred to as "The One". 

After 8 months everything came together again.   I was mentally strong again.  I have always been glad that I took the time I did to contemplate and learn more about me without the pressure a partner may have added.  It was worth it.  Today I am a stronger person for it. 

Do whatever it is you need to do.  Only you know how you think and process information.  Only you will know how to fix whatever it is that isn't working. 



kalikshama -> RE: Questioning myself (4/1/2012 3:46:44 PM)

quote:

Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web


Possibly, but I would need more details about the nature of your struggle. For example, if you were struggling with a switch or female side, that would be a problem for me due to my personal preferences (not any value judgement), but I would not have a problem if you were discovering polyamory or bisexuality.



Kaliko -> RE: Questioning myself (4/1/2012 5:33:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

I recently had an event happen that made me question myself, my morals and my ability to be dominant. I am taking a break from the chat rooms and the profiles. Obviously no one should follow anyone who is of low moral standing, but if I can sort out some of these issues. Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.


I would at the least have respect for a dominant who acknowledges something that needs tending to within himself and might even be more drawn to someone who can nurture and hopefully resolve that part of himself. Robots are unattractive. :)



EmotionalOasis -> RE: Questioning myself (4/2/2012 9:26:22 AM)

Thank you all for your kind words. I am ready for a leap of faith that will make me a better man.



tng -> RE: Questioning myself (4/2/2012 9:46:33 AM)

I thought you had to pass a rigorous exam to be a Dom.  Are you telling me that Dom's are actually humans who do not have everything sorted and all the answers?

Oh noes -- sob, sob.

Psst re: "I am taking a break from the chat rooms"
Do yourself a big favour and make it permanent.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Questioning myself (4/2/2012 10:49:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web.


You'd have to share more details on the nature of the struggle that you're going through in order for any of us to help you.

If you're struggling to balance your desire to inflict pain upon your loved one with your religious beliefs, then that's a very common dilemma for kinky folks.

But if you found a dead girl in your closet this morning, and body parts in your refrigerator, then you may need to get that "problem" straightened out before someone else "gets caught in your web". [:D]



Endivius -> RE: Questioning myself (4/2/2012 11:11:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tng

I thought you had to pass a rigorous exam to be a Dom.  Are you telling me that Dom's are actually humans who do not have everything sorted and all the answers?


Yes yes, there is indeed a domly dom exam, the DCAT. Along with certifications to be qualified, you must attend 4 years studying pre-Dom. Those without certifications are just arm-chair quarterbacking it! I'm pretty sure I read it in the manual, or had a really messed up dream...Either way an angel got it's wings.

quote:


Oh noes -- sob, sob.

Psst re: "I am taking a break from the chat rooms"
Do yourself a big favour and make it permanent.




Win.



DomMeinCT -> RE: Questioning myself (4/3/2012 2:07:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

I recently had an event happen that made me question myself, my morals and my ability to be dominant. I am taking a break from the chat rooms and the profiles. Obviously no one should follow anyone who is of low moral standing, but if I can sort out some of these issues. Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.


I'd respect someone who told the complete, unvarnished truth about those struggles and let me make an informed decision about my ability to be with them.

That said, certain things would be a deal breaker, such as an inability to control their temper/anger.



cloudboy -> RE: Questioning myself (4/3/2012 3:22:04 PM)

Struggle can lead to personal growth and a fortification of one's own weaknesses and faults. I think its good to struggle with oneself, life, and one's choices -- but its detrimental to be either neurotic or self absorbed.

The Captain of the Titanic would have been better served worrying about the icebergs than being peacefully assured in the unsinkability of his ship.

The Bush Administration would have been better served being skeptical about the reaches and effectiveness of American power instead of cloaking itself in American exceptionalism while warring with IRAQ.



EmotionalOasis -> RE: Questioning myself (4/3/2012 7:47:31 PM)

Again Thank you all for posting. I have been around long enought o know that I am not going to go into details to sidetrack the conversation. It is about my  balance and  choices. For those with horribly wicked minds, all parties still have all bady parts, there was no physical harm, but there was a betrayal of trust.



kalikshama -> RE: Questioning myself (4/4/2012 4:57:59 AM)

Oh yes, our wicked minds will concoct scenarios FAR worse than the truth!



crazyml -> RE: Questioning myself (4/4/2012 5:38:56 AM)

Yep, for some people, any kind of "struggle" will be a turn off. Some subs want a dom who is sufficiently "sorted" that his/her issues don't represent any kind of "struggle". "Struggle" implies, to some at least, a challenge with self-control.

I think there are cases where subs expect an unreasonably high level of "sortedness", while others are much more prepared to accept that dominant types will be human, with human traits.

It really on the struggle brother...

For example...,

Struggle with cocaine - Big turn off for some, for others provided you were up front, and winning the struggle it might be ok

Struggle with your multiple personalities - Big turn off for most (and while I sympathise with people with MPD, I don't want to ask "which you am I about to spank" thank-you v much)

Struggle with your desire to cut someone's head off... etc etc


If you're in the middle of some existential crisis, my advice would be to take a holiday from chasing tail.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Questioning myself (4/4/2012 6:41:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

For those with horribly wicked minds, all parties still have all body parts, there was no physical harm, but there was a betrayal of trust.


I think that I'm the wicked mind that he was referring to. I've learned to always make sure there are no body parts in the refrigerator. [:D]



WalkofShame -> RE: Questioning myself (4/4/2012 9:58:30 AM)

I think struggling with that is just being human. Just because youre a dom doesnt mean you have to be dom 24/7. Your sub should understand that youre not Superman. I would find that an endearing trait in my dom, that they arent an unbreakable force, but a human being that can falter and stumble every once in awhile. A hero is much more heroic when they take an ass beating but find a way to reach within themselves and push through to victory.



FrostedFlake -> RE: Questioning myself (4/4/2012 10:58:10 PM)

What? You're not perfect? OMG!

I'm sure I have a torch or a pitchfork around here somewhere.

Look. I'll get back to you.



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