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RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/4/2006 9:18:47 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978

Over coming society's standards was very difficult for me and I had some huge advantages in that area to begin with!

For me the personal and sexual issues were also compounding by academic and work that all tied into one another to cause me to lose my indentity. I was a big brain in school and all adults including my parents who understood my submissive personality still always pushed me to have a high powered career with the bigger is better philosophy. This help cloud my understanding and acceptance of being a slave. It was not until I was miserable in my job and marriage where I consciously took a stand to do things specifically that I wanted and not what people told me I should want.

I ended up getting a divorce and changing jobs to a smaller more family type place than cut throat big corporation. This help greatly reduce my stress and gave me my self-confidence back to explore my sexual and slave needs that were out of society's norms.

Overthinking is not a good thing, but so is underthinking and why life sometimes feels like a cosmic joke. My parents have always lived by a philosophy that I have been trying to live by. My Dad likes to say; No harm no problem. So I have tried when I have gone into areas where my brain says I should feel guilty or ashamed to try to keep my analysis simple. Did I enjoy it? Was anybody hurt by it?

I also made a very concerted effort to ignore all negative, insulting and any behind my back talk. Not that easy but I get better and better at it the older I get.

I would say it will be tough to stop over thinking and I would never give someone advice of just blindly leap either. I would suggest coming up with some standard questions you can ask yourself so when you think about things it can be more focused and positive.



You know, I run into that a lot. Too many people tell me that I have so much potential, that I can do a lot better than I'm doing, that I should go for all of these big jobs just because I have a degree and experience. But these people (including my parents) don't seem to understand that I need to do what's going to make me happy, even if I'm not making the big bucks. So what if I'm working at a deli to get by right now? I have higher aspirations, but they need to come one step at a time and I need to do things at my own pace. And I don't think that a big corporate environment is right for me, either. I'd rather be out there helping and/or serving people than trying to sell people things they don't need.

Or is it because I'm a guy that I HAVE to land that big  money-making job? It seems like it's a lot easier for a woman to just do what she wants to be happy. A man has to make a lot of money in order to be considered a success. Couldn't I just be happy, too?


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to lisa1978)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 2:51:31 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		I found that my submission came from the heart. The more I felt for a man, the more I desired to submit in all areas. My affection is demonstrated via my submission.
Irish


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 7:54:28 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

How many of the subs here really understand their submission?

i'm one  that must always question myself. i need to understand things and know what makes them tick. But, i've realized i don't understand who i am or what it is that makes me tick as a person, never mind what my submissiveness is!

Telling me to just go with the flow and just feel comfortable with myself isn't really the answer... because without a general understanding of myself i can't get comfortable.

Where do i begin?



I'm not sure if you will ever understand how you came to be submissive or why?  I've spent a lifetime trying to understand my submissive side -- why I am that way and where it came from.  But at some point, if you really want to attain peace withing yourself, you will have to just accept it for what it is.

Many of us are not defined by our particular role in the BDSM world.  We have many other interests and intellectual pursuits, which help to satisfy all of the multifacited sides of our individual personality. 

If you cannot come to reconcile the fact that you do enjoy your BDSM role, you will never find complete satisfaction within it.

I hope this helps!

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 10:10:19 AM   
collaredlilone


Posts: 34
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline 		this girl understands exactly your question. yes this girl is 19 but is rl and collared 24-7 by her Master. yes girl knows about her submissivness and has no doubt and understands herself fully as slave. but its common that most dont. i am the odd ball actually because you will not find many 19 year olds who know what they are talking about. they are just learning or see this all as fun and games. i am not one of them, plain and simple. its common to not understand your submissiveness and understand yourself. my best advice is to keep a journal. you need to find who you are as a person. take maybe submission out at the beginning and then play it in later. see who you are. what you like. where are you submissive that you know. and what do you see as a definition of submissivness. i hope this helps and feel free to message me if any questions. just anyone who does message me respect this girl for who and what she is.
girl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 2:51:42 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArchangelMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

My C tells me i over analyze everything, and i know that i do... i can take the simplest of things and make them into huge issues.. Some day i hope to realize that a duck is just a duck and not a monster in a duck costume.


I tend to do that, too. And it's something that's cost me relationships and potential relationships. How does he handle it with you, if you don't mind me asking?



He reminds me that if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's gonna  99% of the time BE a duck..   A lot of the time tho he lets me ramble, helps me work things thru, listens, understands, and never stops loving me for a single second.

He has the patients of a saint when it comes to me


_____________________________

SLRN 896-781-943

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 2:54:38 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, that helped... thank you!

_____________________________

SLRN 896-781-943

(in reply to iliv2servher)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 5:14:24 PM   
Foucault


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/1/2006
Status: offline 		To me true submission is not submission to someone else but submission to the deepest part of me that allows me to serve someone else. I find that subs spend too much time submitting and not understanding who they are  and why they are who they are. If it is a duck is fine as long as the duck has a chance to know  and understand it is a duck and not a chicken:)

_____________________________

There is no past or future, there is only one long continuous present moment. All the rest is an illusion.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/5/2006 7:48:53 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

How many of the subs here really understand their submission?

i'm one  that must always question myself. i need to understand things and know what makes them tick. But, i've realized i don't understand who i am or what it is that makes me tick as a person, never mind what my submissiveness is!

Telling me to just go with the flow and just feel comfortable with myself isn't really the answer... because without a general understanding of myself i can't get comfortable.

Where do i begin?



I would say you begin by letting go of "terms".  Some of my beliefs are solid, some are always altered by experiences.  The quest to understand ourselves is just that...ever-changing with new information.

You have to look at the dynamics of your family growing up.  We are all individuals, but it does play a role in those things that are in "the back of our mind", those things that as an individual you ask yourself...where did this come from?

One of the best things about aging is being able to look back and reflect and grow.  Do you take the time to do that?  It's really good.



 

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/6/2006 4:52:08 AM   
keme


Posts: 163
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		pet I know this weekend I heard a lot about journeling... and while I myself still struggle with taking this action up myself I do know there are a lot of answers there if you do it properly. Do you have any real time submissives that you can speak with? If you do try that way... because a lot is lost in this venue. Your questions can be lacking the information you need to give in order for us to give you the answers you seek.

_____________________________

The path I choose is not for everyone... it is mine alone... and my responsibility to reach the end of it making as much positive influence as I am capable of and being as true to myself as I can be.
~keme

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/6/2006 5:07:40 AM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		i am not a great deal of help other than i identify to the point that your posts could very well mirror my own thoughts and questions, even when it comes to how your Master describes you being.

i know i am submissive, i know i am happy to submit to my Dom and that it completes me, but why this is, i have yet to figure out. 

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."


(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/6/2006 5:11:34 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Even as a young child i knew i was different.  I questioned everything!  I would not say that i over analyze things, but i'm a very curious person.  Why things work, why things are "supposed" to be a certain way, and who said they were?  My beloved Grandfather used to sit back and just chuckle and say:  smiley, you are going to be even more of a hanfull when you get older. He was right.
I came into my own self-awareness many years ago.  I have to say i was absolutely shocked.  I am a very strong woman, i have very strong dominant traits, i speak my mind...regardless of what others think, i have a sick-twisted sense of humor that borders on danger, i can keep up with some of the most sadistic people i know.  Of course i was going to follow the dominant path.  What shocked me was when a man came into my life and asked me to be open about how i chose to live.  What i found out is, i was submissive, i enjoyed being submissive, i hated the thought of being submissive, afterall, they are weak people.  <rolls my eyes>  Ok, i found out quite differently.  On my journey, i realised that i am everything i always had been, i just needed someone to show me that and help me to grow.
Over the years i have learned that nothing is quite like you think it is  <laughs>  i was also on a new journey, one of a slave.  This through me for a loop, there is NO WAY i could be a slave, i fought this, i cried over this, i hated what it stood for........and yet, once more, it took the right Man to show me what i have always been.  As i look back on my life, if i had to make a snap decision, i would have never thought i would be here.  I met Thorns over five years ago, and i have to say, my life is exactly where it should be and how it was destined to be.  I have waited for this Man all my life........i'm a very blessed girl.

~smilezz~ 


_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/6/2006 5:29:04 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		I'm as submissive as I want to be. I might not be what some people call submissive, but its what im happy with, so it does me fine lol

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/7/2006 7:34:40 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		While I have learnt alot about myself and my submission, I do not completly understand due to much unknowns and lack of experience thanks to lack of opportunities to explore and a good D/s relationship. I sometimes wonder how I could submissive considering my gunho or dominant attitudes sometimes in certaint situations.

-mellian

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/8/2006 6:12:16 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sabswife

i am not a great deal of help other than i identify to the point that your posts could very well mirror my own thoughts and questions, even when it comes to how your Master describes you being.

i know i am submissive, i know i am happy to submit to my Dom and that it completes me, but why this is, i have yet to figure out.  




Ya know, I understand the Bumblebee doesn't know he can't fly!  Maybe some things really don't need explanation...they just ARE?
 
 

(in reply to sabswife)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/8/2006 6:51:03 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

How many of the subs here really understand their submission?

i'm one  that must always question myself. i need to understand things and know what makes them tick. But, i've realized i don't understand who i am or what it is that makes me tick as a person, never mind what my submissiveness is!

Telling me to just go with the flow and just feel comfortable with myself isn't really the answer... because without a general understanding of myself i can't get comfortable.

Where do i begin?



Sometimes understanding just eludes us ...Things can be filed away under *needs further thought* and just LEFT.

Knowing that it's not forgotten but *pending* can relieve some of the pressure.

Most of my *moments of clarity* arrive when I'm not so bound up in them, maybe because I have stepped off of the roundabout and not engaged in cirular thinking.

If I can't see answers or find clarity, I put things away knowing that they aren't forgotten........but that they are things that very likely WILL become clearer at some point.

Once I accepted that I may not ALWAYS be able to find, or work out an answer, I found it much easier to file perplexing questions away.

As for understanding my *submission*.......that's easy.......I submit because I'm in a relationship that requires it......though I admit that it's reluctantly a lot of the time....lol.

Regards, agirl



(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Understanding your submission? - 6/8/2006 9:08:31 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		for me, i don't know that i'll ever understand the why of my submission...i only know i've been submissive my whole life. my favorite game as a 5 yr old was playing cowboys and indians. it didnt matter which side i was on, i always managed to get captured and tied up. pleasing a teacher made me glow the whole day. why?...i don't know and don't know that i should care. i accept who and what i am and strive to become better.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 36
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