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LadyPact -> RE: questions from a newbie Dominant (4/3/2012 11:59:00 AM)
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ORIGINAL: MrBlackMan
Have you ever questioned the authenticity of those whom you have come across on your voyage through the alternative lifestyle?
Authenticity? No. I will admit that there are people that I don't particularly see as a Dominant and there are definitely submissives out there that don't fit My particular style of Dominance for a dynamic, but that doesn't make them not authentic. It just means that they aren't compatible with Me.
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Has there ever come a time when you felt you time devoted to the pursuit of a dominant or submissive been in vain?
Not really. I don't specifically pursue. Right now, I live in the middle of nowhere, so it's rather impractical. Anyplace else that I've lived, all I ever had to do was be active in the local community and prospects were there.
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How do you even begin to describe your take on what a dom or sub really is?
That one is easy. I open My mouth and tell people what I think. If you don't know for yourself, there's no way you're going to be able to convey it. That's not to say that My definition hasn't grown over the years. It's certainly evolved, but that doesn't mean that I don't have the ability to express it.
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What defines a sub and then what describes a slave?
My personal definition revolves around the level of authority that an s-type is willing to give over to the person in charge.
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I'm sure my questions have been asked many time in many different formats, yet I ask them because I honestly wish to hear some opinions.
Yes, they have. It may interest you to read some of the older threads in the search feature, as it may help to give you a wider variety of opinions.
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As it is right to assume we've all gone through these questions as the "lifestyle" is in my opinion the same as any other relationship with the simple twist that you know a few of the secrets that the rest of the world may not know. There's definitely a difference in knowing "Tom" doesn't like tomatoes on his burger in retrospect knowing he like carrots up his ass. I can admit when I started this profile I felt that as long as I had some things in common with a prospective sub that I could make a lasting relationship, but obviously it takes more than that. I've learned that although a person may identify as a submissive they are still a person.
As I see it, you're still learning because if you're basing whether a person is Dominant or submissive due to the fact they like receiving anal play, you've still got a long way to go. Same with it took you time to figure out that people who identify as submissive are still people.
Yes, once compatibility is sorted out, D/s can often look like any other relationship. The issue is getting the compatibility settled. That level of authority thing that I mentioned earlier is one of those. For example, I'm not suited for somebody who is only interested in being controlled in the bedroom and thinks obedience stops once we go outside of the bedroom door.
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How do you go about showing you're just as sincere of a dominant as you'd like the submissive to prove their authenticity?
Well, I'm not exactly into 'showing' anybody as though I'm trying to prove something. I'm active in My kink community. I also happen to be pretty easy to talk to. It's pretty easy for people to make up their own minds about Me.
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It can be said that "I know me", but what does it take to get that same point across to another?
Why not try letting people get to know you so they can make that assessment? When I walk into My local munch, people don't confuse Me with a different orientation.
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I can understand the plight of the prospective submissive. Because they truly do have a harder time. I had a sissy slave approach me and say "its harder to be a sub". Initially I didn't get the point it was making because I felt that was a cop-out because of previous instances that it had proved to be dishonest, yet again it had some truth to its statement.
Here's another lesson. Unless you are in a dynamic with someone, and objectification is a part of that dynamic, don't call somebody "it". Remember that thing you were saying above about submissives being people? Keep it in your head because it's far more appropriate.
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I know there are a lot of grammatical errors as I have a habit of writing how I talk so grammar police please don't arrest me. This narrative come from someone looking to improve on themselves so that once the property I'm looking for does come about I can be if not the best, better than I was when I started my voyage.
Thanks for reading
MrBlackMan
It's good that you are trying to become more educated. At the same time, it's your lack of education in some matters that show you're not at the level of being ready to own human property. It's very much like I happen to think it would be really cool to play the violin. That doesn't make Me competent to sit first chair for the evening performance next Saturday.
Being on this site is one way to get some of that education, but it's not going to be complete and it's not going to happen overnight. Are you giving yourself a chance to know and talk with other people who are living alternative lifestyles? Maybe getting out to meet other Dominants and submissives who have been doing this for a while? There's a great book list on another section of the boards. Maybe you'd be interested in reading some of those for more information.
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