BDSM and Poly

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Vancouver_cinful -> BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 1:04:22 PM)
Loki's Klashaan post has got me thinking about the idea of communes, and covens, and other non-nuclear-family lifestyles. When I was in my 20s I often wondered about life in a commune. I come from a large family and thrive in a group atmosphere. (As long as I have enough private time for writing and listening to music.) At that point I could only see it in a momogamous way. Monogamous couples sharing a complex where they had privacy...that seemed to make sense to me. After about 6 months of exploring BDSM I was exposed to the concept of poly. (Something I had only read about, before.) I began to see how it worked and the benefits of it. It seems to me that once we break away from the traditional view in one area, many seemingly unrelated paths become revealed, and we are suddenly aware of possibilities we never imagined before. I'm not sure where I was going with this...Perhaps I'm just looking for other people's thoughts on how exploring swinging, poly, or bdsm opened them up to the other lifestyle. Which came first for people? Swinging? Poly? BDSM? Did exploring one open you to another?

Vendaval -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 1:20:31 PM)
In My case it was coming out of the broomcloset as Pagan and going to college that opened all the other doors. The Domme, bisexual, and poly parts all opened with a big-bang-boom at the same time. No regrets, no turning back,take no prisioners! YMMV, Vendaval quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful I'm not sure where I was going with this...Perhaps I'm just looking for other people's thoughts on how exploring swinging, poly, or bdsm opened them up to the other lifestyle. Which came first for people? Swinging? Poly? BDSM? Did exploring one open you to another?

Wulfchyld -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 1:28:54 PM)
Klashaan is a gender respectful practice that sets an etiquette and protocol to M/s. What we are striving to do is build a community that maintains a safe practice. On our boards we have warning and emergency posts that tell people about potentially dangerous people in your area. The emergency allows the community to raise funds or goods to help relieve community members who are suffering from an emergency in their lives, disaster, medical, etc... Klashaan makes it very possible to practice poly and we network Klashaan families, poly or not, to share information, goods, and the like. We are organized by region and it is somewhat political in it's structure. It allows the community as a whole to address issues and add laws, codes, and guidelines for the betterment of the community. Our first priority is safety and we hope to get a rainbow of personalities and people involved so there is always someone who can relate to your situation and empathize with you. How the structure relates to poly is by insuring the rights of all its members and making sure everyone is treated with fairness. The only doormats in Klashaan are the actual doormats at your door. We have a structured Honor system that gives all members a view of a potential partners Honor so you know what you’re getting into by the communities view of the member. Privacy is important but safety is more important. For a sub/slave to enter Klashaan she is given the guarantee that his/her term of service is valuable and he/she will leave the relationship with securities. Those securities are negotiated and are at least a % of the money contributed to the house and as large as a Home of their own. A klashaan is always guaranteed to have a car at the end of the year and this is negotiated by the M/s and reflects the financial ability of the "M" and the contribution of the "s". Anyone who says homemaker is not a job has smoked way too much crack and is clueless. I am disabled and have been Mom the life of my kids and I tell you it is not easy. Klashaan is not a game and people looking for a toy to play with and toss away when they’re done will not be well received. It is a lifestyle decision and takes a great deal of time to become skilled in the practice. Klashaan allows you to blend your Nilla life 100% with your D/s M/s life. Some people jump on the fantasy aspects like it is a bad thing. The only thing fantastic about Klashaan is the use of the language which derived from my novels.

PlayfulOne -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 3:00:09 PM)
Well Cin, I can't think of "when" things happened for me, they just always have been. I can remember as a teen looking at pictures of women bound and spanked and it scared the hell out of me that I was aroused and interested. I hide from those feelings for years because I was afraid something was wrong with me. It was the same with being poly. I am not manogamous no matter how hard at times I tried to be. I tried for years to ignore those thoughts and feelings but eventually they got the best of me, lol. I have always been faithful in my relationships, but in the end the part of me which dies in a manogamous setting eventually tears apart the relationship. I thrive in a poly setting, I find great joy and pleasure in taking care of and being part of a larger family. Spomeone once told me that poly people are just more open to making deeper connections with multiple people. That was the best explanaton I ever recieved. Swinging, ehhh, we can take it or leave it, mostly leave it. it is no where near the same as having a poly gropu and making connections with people. Some people often confuse swinging and playing with others as being poly. I see that as just good ole fun but not nearly as passionate and wonderful as being in a poly family where everyone is connected and involved. I don't think exploring things has opened me to trying things, but rather having the willigness to let my desires surface. K

Calandra -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 3:16:35 PM)
I can remember back to 8 or 9 years old and having kinky thoughts... so I would have to say I was kinky my whole life.... when I got married, I didn't know there were other kinksters out there, and settled for a hubby who wanted to be open... so to answer, I guess BDSM was in my brain first, but I 'expressed" the swinging, open poly type stuff first. Did that make any sense? LOL

denika -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 3:22:00 PM)
Rob and I did things a little backwards, even in the early stages of our relationship we both knew that neither was the type to me monogomous for the rest our life and were honest about it, I am also bi and the though of never being with another woman just made me shiver. We started poly, we met a really nice woman that we both clicked with, unfortunalty this was a definate learning curve for us and we missed some pretty big warning signs that things were just not right with her. We were always 'kinky' but not BDSM specific. After T'lynn went her way and us our we talked about what worked and didn't in the that relationship and realised we still wanted to explore and looked into swinging, funny enough one of Rob's co-workers was also into that lifestyle s It was a year or so after that we finally went to our first swing club, now that was eye opening s Like all lifestyles, there's always diffrent levels and it was intresting to learn about them. Some swingers were out just for a fling, but for the most part we liked having an actual relationship. Rob and I talk alot so we both knew we had diffrent intrests. He knew I loved roleplay and fantasied regularily about BDSM but it wasn't something he was specificly intrested in himself so he encouraged me to explore to see where it lead too. A year ago I took the leap and started looking into some web sites and reaching out on a few yahoo groups by posting comments, trying to see if what was in my imagination was actually real. I was blown away but what I found, the first play party I ever went to I met my Top and with His guidance basiclly jumped in with both feet. Now I think we are a combination of all groups. Rob isn't a Sadist but he enjoys D/s ( generally not with me, hard to change a relationship dynamic after 16 years,he has his own wicked side tho w) We are involved soley with Knight and His house but we still like to go to the swing club from time to time to visit and dance. Like you I was fascinated by the idea of communes and that sense of togetherness. I grew up in a busy house as well. As long as I can get some time to write and stick my nose in a book I'm a happy girl g We both love the group dynamic, W/we all get along on diffrent levels as well, Friendship coming first and foremost. denika

LadiesBladewing -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 3:33:54 PM)
We were poly first, and had never really contemplated seriously being involved in the D/s lifestyle. We had a couple friends who were involved in the top/bottom BDSM scene, and we'd joke around about me and my mate being "closet dominatrixes", but nobody took it seriously... ... then, after we'd been in a triad for almost a year, we started spending more time with a close friend of one of our triad... an incredible man -- a lifestyle dominant, trained in the old style where he came up through the ranks. He was dedicated to the lifestyle, was forthright, was honest, and explained some of the complexities of where he saw D/s diverging from BDSM, and how he saw it as a function of allowing people time and space to heal and grow. When we accepted him as family. If we hadn't become involved with EB, we would probably never have thought of the lifestyle as a viable option for us -- but his perspective opened up an entirely new aspect of this life to us, and made it not only accessible, but something that we could truly embrace. It has been my life-long dream to build an intentional community -- one that embraces, in an open-minded and growth-promoting way, all of the things that are important to us... Environmental sensitivity, D/s , spirituality, fiscal responsibility, nurturing of creativing, self-sufficiency... and I am looking forward to being a part of that and making something like that can live and grow within my lifetime. Da'Avatar ZWD www.klashaan.org

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 3:36:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne I am not manogamous no matter how hard at times I tried to be. I tried for years to ignore those thoughts and feelings but eventually they got the best of me, lol. I have always been faithful in my relationships, but in the end the part of me which dies in a manogamous setting eventually tears apart the relationship. I've seen this time and time again. Personally I'm of the opinion that monogamy is a choice, but it's not a natural state for human beings. It works well for some people, but to be honest, I suspect more relationships die because of monogamy than because of infidelity. (::puts on lace-trimmed, satin, flame-proof underwear::) quote: Swinging, ehhh, we can take it or leave it, mostly leave it. it is no where near the same as having a poly gropu and making connections with people. Some people often confuse swinging and playing with others as being poly. Yes, this was something I learned pretty quickly. My first serious D/s relationship was with a maan who was very turned on by swinging. I wasn't bothered by it, but I wasn't all that impressed by the type of people I met through the swing groups. Naturally, the swingers that were into bdsm were the ones I tended to like socially.

genvieve -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 4:06:58 PM)
i will be interested to read responses on this thread, since i am not polly.

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 4:08:43 PM)
quote: Yes, this was something I learned pretty quickly. My first serious D/s relationship was with a maan who was very turned on by swinging. I wasn't bothered by it, but I wasn't all that impressed by the type of people I met through the swing groups. Naturally, the swingers that were into bdsm were the ones I tended to like socially. I do think many people found BDSM especially in the late 80s early 90s through the swinging community because many BDSM'ers that needed play space, formed alliances with those who ran swing groups and had playspaces to host their first parties.

IronBear -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 4:13:54 PM)
quote: Loki's Klashaan post has got me thinking about the idea of communes, and covens, and other non-nuclear-family lifestyles. Actually Cin a coven is generally a group of pagans rather than a colective sharing and living together. Having said that with the Covens I have either run or been HP in (Mostly Wicca except my current group ~ The Clan O'Sliabh), I always saw thenm as one large family and often had members crash at our place, especially after festivals. However although we never lived together we did gather to help conev nates move home or do such things where a working bee was needed..

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 4:19:52 PM)
I've heard so little about how covens work, IB. I'd be fascinated to hear more...Would you mind doing a thread on it?

Wulfchyld -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 4:23:25 PM)
Oh yeah! IB start a thread and I will post an article I wrote for an Alt lifestyle e-magazine.

IronBear -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 4:27:17 PM)
No two covens are exactly the sam Cin and it does to some degree what tradition they follow if one at all. With the influx of self taught fluff bunnies springing up about the place who have read perhaps a couple of popular books written by dubious authors who oly just aviod being sued for plagerism by original authors and who (the fluff bunnies) self initiate and then get together with a girlfriend or three and decide to form a coven, the methodology of how covens run is all over the place. However I would be happy to give you a personal insite on what I do and where I came from (craft wise from when I took over as HP of the original coven in Perth Western Australia in the '70's). If that is of interest to you, message me on the other side and I will happily oblige...

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 5:04:37 PM)
I have to say it's always been there- except for the switching and even so I've always enjoyed topping. People who enter into one sub culture are more likely to become aware of other sub cultures and being open to exploring them.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 5:08:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Oh yeah! IB start a thread and I will post an article I wrote for an Alt lifestyle e-magazine. Great, Loki, why don't you post it; and hopefully IB will weigh-in with his experiences.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 5:17:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ I do think many people found BDSM especially in the late 80s early 90s through the swinging community because many BDSM'ers that needed play space, formed alliances with those who ran swing groups and had playspaces to host their first parties. Yes, it seems like it's tradition for swing clubs to include dungeon space. A nice partnership that must've helped some bdsm people take that first step.

Wulfchyld -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 5:21:19 PM)
On this thread?

MrRodgers -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 5:40:19 PM)
Being old-school, before these sites, first it was vanilla sex, then D/s, then we met another, they were bi and we became poly. We should all know by now that there is no format for any of this and personally, I don't think there should be. Relationships, swinging, poly...none of this or any culture for me will be subject to formalities. I much prefer the connection and in a D/s and certainly in a M/s only a few iron clad rules. We never spoke of collars, never spoke of s/m. We knew the subjects the fetishes and practiced BDSM, but never were we 'slave' to a culture.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: BDSM and Poly (6/4/2006 5:43:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld On this thread? I think it deserves its own thread, don't you?

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