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Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 5:22:33 PM   
houseboydc


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/16/2009
From: DC
Status: offline 		Greetings!

It seems like sending messages and requests doesn't work. I read here in several topics that mingling and attending local events is the decent way to find a partner. I'm truely not seeking casual play, I'm seeking a steady relationship of servitude.

I am a foreigner and I have been here for less than a year. I'm shy, not very social and it takes me a while to open up. Now, this is my problem and I am working on it. My question is, how are foreigners treated in general in the BDSM scene? What if I became nervous (highly likely) and I stuttered with my English?

Are there like specific events for newbies? You guys are very experienced and it feels intimidating trying to approach you. I'm sure you are all nice folks but still..

I apologize if this was rude in anyway, it wasn't meant to be.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 5:48:56 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Requests as in chat requests? Getting these from people I didn't know annoyed me so I turned the chat feature off. Others have mentioned not liking to chat with strangers.

There's lots of things you can do wrong in initial emails, the main one being leading with your kink/coming on too strong sexually. See the Ask a Mistress FAQs and threads.

Fetlife.com is the best for finding local events. All the events I've been to have been very welcoming to newbies and larger cities do tend to have newbie-specific events.

I like foreign accents - I'd be focused on the sexiness of that and not notice any stuttering ;)

Your avatar and profile pics are cute but I suggest putting some of you in there as well. No cock shots! (Sorry; it needs to be said.) There are ways to anonymize them if that's a concern for you.

Welcome!

KK

(in reply to houseboydc)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 5:51:49 PM   
BigDaddy723


Posts: 275
Joined: 5/7/2010
Status: offline 		Good question.
Everyone is nervous their first few times out. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably lieing. I am not sure about newbie events in general. That is something that would probably be area specific so you would have to reserch that for yourself. If someone truely wants to talk and communicate with you, they will be willing to overlook your accent and whatever flaws you speak with. English isn't your first language its okay, alot os people who speak english stutter and stumble over words when they are nervous. It may also take 3 or 4 times of you going to an event before you feel comfortable enough to start asking questions.

The only real advice I can give is to tell you to go at YOUR own pace. It will all make sense eventually

(in reply to houseboydc)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 6:07:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Speaking as someone who has some difficulty hearing, I do have problems with certain accents.  This is neither your fault or Mine.  It's just the way things are. 

I attempt to take the approach that if people are willing to be patient with Me, I try to be patient with them.  For example, I kind of suck at ordering Chinese take out, but sitting down to talk with someone is another story.  If the worst happens, somebody can help to translate when at an event.

Don't let it stop you.  If nothing else, you'll find fun ways to get to know people.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to BigDaddy723)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 6:43:22 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have no experience aside from the Denver scene. The Denver scene is incredibly inclusive as far as transfolk and LBGT people go. I haven't seen any foreigners, though. There IS one woman who has a stuttering problem - we just wait for her to finish.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 6:48:38 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Email the leaders of a group you want to attend and are nervous about doing so. Usually either the leader themselves or someone in the group will be assigned to meet you and help you acclimate, introduce you around, keep an eye out to make sure you aren't sitting by yourself. That's for munches.

For play parties, volunteer to help clean up. You'll meet the other people also helping, and can make friends with them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 6:54:46 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		my experince at local events new folks are greeted warmly and accepted easily if you have a accent that can work in your favor as it makes you more intriging relax and go and meet the locals it is how i met LadyPact and i would not trade that for anything in the world

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proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/4/2012 7:11:49 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Not sure why, but that made Me laugh.

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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/5/2012 7:33:14 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: houseboydc

I'm shy, not very social and it takes me a while to open up.



You've focused on the fact that you're foreign, but the part that I quoted above is a much bigger problem.

I think most people will quickly realize that you're foreign, and they'll be very understanding about that. In fact, it will make you more interesting to some people.

But being too shy to approach people is a problem that you're going to have to find a way to overcome. In this regard, BDSM is no different than vanilla relationships. If you don't have the courage to start a conversation with strangers, then it's going to be difficult to meet women. It doesn't matter if the women are kinky or vanilla.

Try practicing talking to people. Just go up to women and make small talk. I think you'll be surprised at how open they are to talking to you. And you can always mask your shyness behind your language difficulties. Many women will assume that you're having difficulty saying what you mean because you can't think of the right English words to communicate your thought. They probably won't even realize that it's actually your shyness that's making you stutter and talk slowly.

Bottom line: Shyness is a problem that needs to be overcome. Not just for talking to women. You also need to overcome it for professional success. Assertive, outgoing people are typically more successful than shy, socially awkward people. Social skills can be improved. But it takes practice. There is a group called Toastmasters. Google them, and see if there is a chapter in your area. Their training helps lots of shy people overcome their fear of talking to people. The organization is primarily focused on public speaking, but the principles also apply to 1-on-1 speaking situations.

(in reply to houseboydc)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/5/2012 2:23:32 PM   
houseboydc


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/16/2009
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Requests as in chat requests? Getting these from people I didn't know annoyed me so I turned the chat feature off. Others have mentioned not liking to chat with strangers.

There's lots of things you can do wrong in initial emails, the main one being leading with your kink/coming on too strong sexually. See the Ask a Mistress FAQs and threads.

Fetlife.com is the best for finding local events. All the events I've been to have been very welcoming to newbies and larger cities do tend to have newbie-specific events.

I like foreign accents - I'd be focused on the sexiness of that and not notice any stuttering ;)

Your avatar and profile pics are cute but I suggest putting some of you in there as well. No cock shots! (Sorry; it needs to be said.) There are ways to anonymize them if that's a concern for you.

Welcome!

KK



Aww, thank you ^_^


quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

Good question.
Everyone is nervous their first few times out. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably lieing. I am not sure about newbie events in general. That is something that would probably be area specific so you would have to reserch that for yourself. If someone truely wants to talk and communicate with you, they will be willing to overlook your accent and whatever flaws you speak with. English isn't your first language its okay, alot os people who speak english stutter and stumble over words when they are nervous. It may also take 3 or 4 times of you going to an event before you feel comfortable enough to start asking questions.

The only real advice I can give is to tell you to go at YOUR own pace. It will all make sense eventually



I bet it will. Thank you :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Email the leaders of a group you want to attend and are nervous about doing so. Usually either the leader themselves or someone in the group will be assigned to meet you and help you acclimate, introduce you around, keep an eye out to make sure you aren't sitting by yourself. That's for munches.

For play parties, volunteer to help clean up. You'll meet the other people also helping, and can make friends with them.


Awesome, I find volunteering to clean up a good idea. Thank you :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: houseboydc

I'm shy, not very social and it takes me a while to open up.



Bottom line: Shyness is a problem that needs to be overcome. Not just for talking to women. You also need to overcome it for professional success. Assertive, outgoing people are typically more successful than shy, socially awkward people. Social skills can be improved. But it takes practice. There is a group called Toastmasters. Google them, and see if there is a chapter in your area. Their training helps lots of shy people overcome their fear of talking to people. The organization is primarily focused on public speaking, but the principles also apply to 1-on-1 speaking situations.


That's a great tip, thank you :)

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/6/2012 7:51:08 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I see you say you're from DC - I'm assuming you mean Washington, DC? If so, the group Black Rose has introductory meetings for newbies and some "Dungeon 101" event to show new people about different kinds of play. Here's a link to their site.

I don't think being a foreigner will be a problem for you, because people in DC are used to that. But being shy will! I'm a shy person too and it does make it harder to get to know people.

(in reply to houseboydc)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/6/2012 7:59:04 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Not sure what your overall interest is.. trans, queer... or straightish.. pansexual?

If you message me on the other side I can give you some ideas.. there are soooo many events around town and most are quite welcoming...

hmmm. ETA.. not sure why I got the idea you were trans.. anyway, I'll be happy if you let me know what you're looking for in terms of social stuff

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 4/6/2012 8:02:46 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to houseboydc)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Foreigners, Events and Experience! - 4/6/2012 10:38:18 AM   
houseboydc


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/16/2009
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

I see you say you're from DC - I'm assuming you mean Washington, DC? If so, the group Black Rose has introductory meetings for newbies and some "Dungeon 101" event to show new people about different kinds of play. Here's a link to their site.

I don't think being a foreigner will be a problem for you, because people in DC are used to that. But being shy will! I'm a shy person too and it does make it harder to get to know people.


Yes, I meant Washington DC. I'll definitely go to one of those. Thank you! :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Not sure what your overall interest is.. trans, queer... or straightish.. pansexual?

If you message me on the other side I can give you some ideas.. there are soooo many events around town and most are quite welcoming...

hmmm. ETA.. not sure why I got the idea you were trans.. anyway, I'll be happy if you let me know what you're looking for in terms of social stuff


I'm straight, Madame4a. Well, maybe Bi-curious. Thank you for your tips, very helpful. :)

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 13
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