RE: Where are the boundary lines?

RE: Where are the boundary lines? (Full Version)

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angelikaJ -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 6:15:25 AM)
If you are over on Fet then you should be able to find the munches in your area. I don't know how far away you are to portland but: http://www.portlandleather.org/links.php

kalikshama -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 7:41:17 AM)
quote: he says "I'm the only one that knows you like I do and you will NEVER find someone that will treat you as well as me you may just find yourself in trouble, bound up and raped one of these days and I won't release you until I feel you are ready for your own safety." This screams Malignant Narcissist and Predator to me.

kalikshama -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 7:48:55 AM)
quote: I simply came here because I don't want to repeat the same mistakes and if you were to re-read my initial post, you would see my questions. I wondered if it is normal for a Dom who offered me his collar and we set down the ground rules which I did agree upon, based upon Him telling me that he was in love with me and also wanted to help me in my personal life and protect me, is it normal for him to NOT be available for me or even ask me to strip or be naked sometimes or mention anything about my body if I was naked, as if he was not interested after he collared me. Your questions are not clearly organized. (I'm sensing a trend :) Perhaps now that you've given us some background you can lay them out more clearly. As to the question above, "Normal" is far less relevant than "what do I need to be fulfilled in a relationship?" This guy clearly does not meet your needs. Who cares if he or you is normal? Work on yourself, then try to meet someone local. No nude camming until you've met IRL and see if there is chemistry and a point to moving forward.

kalikshama -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 7:51:16 AM)
quote: Maybe I should just register for a regular vanilla account and then if I find that I am attracted to someone, take it to the next level (email) and then talk about more stuff, especially about personality. M and I met on OKCupid. There's plenty of kinky tests and questions that can give you an idea ahead of time if your potential has an interest in BDSM. You can also search for keywords and include some in your own profile.

oregongirl -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 7:56:32 AM)
To LafayetteLady, When I posted a while back about someone asking me to cam with me and him not letting me view him, I was not involved with former master. Let's call him Joe. Joe and I have had an off and on relationship for over a year. My feelings of anger for Joe is not because he just talks to people online, hell I do that myself, mostly through the PM's on the sites. What upset me is that Joe misled me. He was even talking about saving money to bring me out to where he lives to see if we would click and if so, we would talk about the possibility of relocation. He misled me by saying he was in love with me and he wanted to be there for me in all ways and that he was not interested in any other woman. But after collarship this time, he would not be available for me as we had set times to chat. And he has done some pretty shady things other than I have written in these posts. You're right, I should have walked away the first time and for good, because the odds were stacked against up in so many ways. It's hard for me to turn off my feelings, but I need to start thinking with my head (logic) much more than my heart or dreams of what could be, for that is magical thinking. Actually Joe does get into his chair for showers and to prevent bed sores, but most of the time he spends in his bed. As for the photographer, no money was exchanged. He does charge for weddings and such and for aspiring models, but he does not charge for fetlife members who want to be tied and gagged. He loves the expression of a woman's face and likes to capture that on film. A few years back, I did go to counseling to help me get over a depressant state of mind. At that time, I was fully evaluated and even asked if he thought I had the symptoms of bipolar and he did not believe I had the classic symptoms. I have been feeling those blues again, so I guess it's time for me to go get another evaluation. I will do what is necessary to take care of me. I appreciate your straightforward thoughtful reply to me. And I'm in my 50's, so yes, this is even more embarrasing to admit my lack of clear thinking at this point. **JeffBC -- Because we spoke only online and me only seeing his upper body, there were times I had completely forgot about his disability, for his mind is amazing and that is what was so attractive to me. But I think you are right, he really has not been in the position to take care of someone in real time, for he has been the one that has been taken care of from birth. I believe two people can fall in love with one or both being disabled, but there are just too many obstacles and I imagine he deserves to let him have his fun online (with others, not me) if he can't have a full physical relationship. As a side note, I did ask if he would simply do a bit of life coaching with me and he said he wanted to collar me so that I would obey him and give him my submissiveness, and after much thought, I agreed, but only as a training collar.

oregongirl -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 8:12:40 AM)
I'd like to close this thread because this man is out of my life and I understand much more from all of your replies. I will concentrate on local only or someone that is able bodied and can relocate. I will not cam nude unless we have met in person and have developed a relationship/commitment. I will get my life in order all by my little self. I will seek out the events on Fetlife. I will open an OKCupid account only after I get my own life more structured and feel better first. I will learn from lesson and protect myself and ask those important questions for myself, like how can I be fulfiled without making hasty decisions. I appreciate all of your comments. Maybe I am a bit immature, but at least I have come here to hear the truth and I did not become defensive. I hope I am welcome back here on another thread if a different issue comes up, for I am new to the lifestyle, both BDSM and collaring. Hell, who knows, I might even be a switch since there are times when I simply do not like being told what to do. I'm still in the self-discovery mode. Late bloomer, yes. I think we all have struggles and challenges.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 8:22:16 AM)
Oregongirl, you can't close threads. They stay open but it is recommended that if one sits idle for several months, people just let it lie. I have read thru this and it appears you are well on your way to getting things under control. Good for you. As for being welcome back here, of COURSE you are welcome here. We have room for everyone so please don't be a stranger. Hang out with us and have fun. Good luck.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 12:08:26 PM)
FR~ The internet is full of wankers, go find someone in real life who wants a real relationship. Also, BDSM or just D/s relationships are no more honest or pure than vanilla ones, people lie, cheat, and abuse regardless of the platform. Just apply common sense every hour like sunscreen.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 2:29:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oregongirl I just want an honest relationship with someone that does not have to be wireless all the time and I want mentorship, but even then, who knows who I will get right? Whatcha think? Are you the kind of person that the dominant you want, wants?

oregongirl -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 2:48:33 PM)
@ RedMagic1....... Come on with the trick questions. I will answer you this. I want a dom that I want first, and then after getting to know him, I want him to want me. Nothing happens unless it's mutual.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 2:54:23 PM)
It isn't a trick question. I'll ask it differently. Suppose you found a guy you really liked, who was honest, upstanding, decent looking, and able to dominate. A catch, basically. Would he like you back?

JeffBC -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 3:07:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Suppose you found a guy you really liked, who was honest, upstanding, decent looking, and able to dominate. A catch, basically. Would he like you back? That's a question I ask a lot too. People spend much time trying to figure out how to find Mr. True Dom. What they seldom spend any time on is whether that true dom would actually want them or not. Personally, I think there are an AWFUL lot of single subs for just that reason. Undoubtedly Doms too.

oregongirl -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 4:04:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 It isn't a trick question. I'll ask it differently. Suppose you found a guy you really liked, who was honest, upstanding, decent looking, and able to dominate. A catch, basically. Would he like you back? Of course not. With the the little information you gave me, I would say he is not in the least interested in me or like me because he did not question who I am and what I am about. So I would not fall for that one-way interest. He needs to demonstrate that to me, by questioning me about what I like in life, what I enjoy, etc. Only and only then, would I pursue any more communication. I have had men tell me all kinds of tales of how they care so much about women and are kind, generous and want mutual pleasure, but until he gets to know who I am and really is probing, then the possible relationship is pending, and if he does not question me, on the second go around, then I would block and delete.

angelikaJ -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 7:11:03 PM)
To oregongirl quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 It isn't a trick question. I'll ask it differently. Suppose you found a guy you really liked, who was honest, upstanding, decent looking, and able to dominate. A catch, basically. Would he like you back? I think you are misunderstanding the question. If you liked a guy...and that means you know him well enough to know that he is "a catch", would the guy find you to be likable as well? Or is your personality a difficult type to get to know, or like. Are you likable? Are the qualities that you desire mirrored in yourself?

oregongirl -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/6/2012 7:49:42 PM)
angelikaJ: Thank you for clarifying. I was misunderstanding the question. I really do appreciate all of you for helping me to look deep within myself. RedMagic1: Somehow I do feel put on the spot here because I'm the only one that is answering this very personal question, and yet, I started this post, so I will answer as honestly as I can, for I am truly trying my best to understand myself and others. Although I am still working on self-improvement, as we all are, I would say that I am very likable. The reason I know this is that I get feedback from people in my workplace, my siblings, my friends who tell me how much they appreciate me as an Aunt, friend, co-worker, sister, and yes even past lovers. I know my strong points. I like my smile and others tell me so. It feels so good to be in a good mood and show it and laugh at myself and tease others and find humor in the irony of life. I am compassionate -- I feel deeply and empathize with others who have struggled as I have. I go that extra mile to do my best performance on the job. I know what my limits are and am learning to say no in many areas of my life. I pay attention and actively listen to people. I make good eye contact. I adore even the oddities and quirks of people who are different than me. But there's nothing wrong with knowing what my preferences are and what I aim for. I belong to myself. Who can say "oh, you are wrong or bad for preferring your favorite color to be purple or your favorite food to be Mexican food?" Those are some of my favorites and then a whole bunch more, including my favorite fetishes and fantasies yet be explored. So, in short, I do like who I am and not afraid to show the real me, but the revealing comes out in bits in pieces as I learn to trust over time. So, yes, I would say I'm a good catch also, and I'm looking for that One Special Man that is looking for ME, and it's like finding a needle in a haystack. But I won't settle for anything less, as I would not expect him to either. I have made many mistakes and I'll make more, but in my deepest being, I know I can and am fun, lovable, cherished and deserving of what my future partner is seeking in Me. I am very much a work in progress, and I also have my bad days, and on those days, I do my best to let my closest ones know that I'm just not feeling well, for I do not want to take out my frustrations on anyone. I realize too that that great guy (that catch) is also human and has His off days also. I might not be totally ready, but I do believe that he would find me likeable on a more consistent basis than not. ~daydreaming of my future partner who I have yet to meet~

Alecta -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/7/2012 12:18:11 PM)
a little late to the party, but I really want to add this to your list of resolutions: -I will not accept any collars from anyone I have not spent significant real-life and vanilla time with. -I will respect myself and my Owned/Collar status as something worthy of my ideal Master's regard. A collar is like a wedding ring, it is a commitment and a symbol. It is not a piece of costume jewellery to mix and match with your mood and wardrobe! You wouldn't marry/divorce the same guy 3 times in a year, you wouldn't even reasonably marry someone whom you've never met face to face (btw I don't think the problem is his disability, he's just using it as an excuse. people find ways!) and with whom you are certain of a continuing stable relationship. Personally, I think that you're willing to learn and make adjustments to your thinking and behaviour is in itself a stellar quality that is sadly not as common as we'd like to think.

oregongirl -> RE: Where are the boundary lines? (4/7/2012 12:49:56 PM)
Alecta, Thank you for the additional 2 resolutions which I knew already, but failed to express here. And thank you for your compliments. I took a look at your profile, it was very interesting to read :)

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