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ElanSubdued -> RE: For male subs: The taste of shame? Dildos, cocksucking & memory (4/14/2012 9:31:51 AM)
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AAkasha,
As BDSM evolves in my life, I find myself working more and more toward having control over my reactions and the things I do. Early on, the mere opportunity to kneel in front of a dominant woman (any dominant woman) was enough to turn my brain into squash-putty-fuck-mush. This caused me to make bad decisions and to choose poor partners. Fast forward to today. BDSM is part of my life, however, I can easily live life without it because that is what real life often demands. Another way of saying this is I still enjoy the BD, DS, and SM elements that live within my psyche, but my response is far less pavlovian than it used to be and I think this is a good thing.
I'll attempt to answer your OP more directly. Do rubber, leather, certain acts, and certain smells and tastes cause me to remember and react? Yes, sometimes they do. Is my reaction uncontrollable and instant. No, usually not. The reaction tends be percolate slowly and build gradually. There are a few stimuli (such as the feel of a cock pressed against me, coaxing and tormenting that it will soon penetrate) that do instantly send me into orbit. As far as taste and smell go, while leather, rubber, and other objects do have scents I enjoy, much more than these the taste and smell of certain partners arouses me and triggers instant, psychological and physical responses. Tactile pressure is another, instant trigger - feeling pressure on my lips, chest, back, cheeks, ass, and thighs. But no, if I'm in the supermarket and rub up against a display, that doesn't send me "off". *laughs*
Shame? Humiliation? Degradation? Fear? I must admit, these have never been significant attributes of my BDSM experience. I like partners who communicate a lot (before, during, and after play) and I tend to communicate similarly. When we're playing, there is usually a soft, romantic undercurrent and plenty of physiological intimacy, even if one of us is learning something new or we're doing a vicious and simultaneously enjoyable takedown scene.
I do role play, but certain forms of role play trigger syntax errors. Example: if a partner said "suck my cock you worthless fucking slut" my mind would instantly react with "I'm not worthless; you wouldn't be here if I was worthless and I certainly wouldn't be here if you were worthless". Change the sentence to "suck My cock, bitch". With the right person, in the right context, and with the right tone of voice... yep, that works nicely. Not meaning to get all grammatical on you, but in this case and in terms of my psyche, the word "bitch" acts as a form of address and as an intensifier, meaning "do it now and don't question". I don't process this in a degrading way and if I did (literally), the play would likely time-out for some discussion.
A kinky friend and I were having a debate over the literal meaning of the word "fetish". She put forward the notion that a fetish is an inanimate object that one has become dependent on for full, complete sexual response. (By "complete sexual response" she meant "in order to achieve arousal and orgasm".) Therefore, with this definition, I'd have to say I have no fetishes. If I broaden the definition somewhat to include just arousal by certain inanimate objects and smells, certain activities, and most definitely by certain people, I'd say I do have fetishes.
Oops. Meandering response! Sorry. Hey, its early today and these are the unedited thoughts your OP inspired. :-)
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