RE: Has this happened to you?

RE: Has this happened to you? (Full Version)

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Suleiman -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 3:01:01 PM)
Black-and-white is an interesting thing. I acknowledge the full spectrum of circumstance, but my morality is black and white in that it only applies to ME. MY choices. MY sense of integrity. Your choices are your responsibility. It's none of my damn business, unless you try to get me to do something that I am not comfortable with - which is the basic topic of discussion, isn't it?

BrattyBottomRN -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 3:01:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fawne Hi I feel so mean speaking so strongly in my post above. I wish to apologize to all who face a choice between a secure marriage and fullfillment. May it all work out for you and yours. quote: ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN I didn't mean this reply to be disrespectful to anyone who views this as unethical and morally wrong. I know it's morally wrong, and I respect everyone's opinion. I just wanted you all to see the other side of things, that these situations aren't always so black and white. Hehe... don't worry. I'm not surprised at the reactions honestly. I know it wasn't meant to hurt others. :)

irishbynature -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 3:47:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN I'm a nurse. I take care of sick people for a living. I volunteer on an ambulance corps. I let people merge in front of me in traffic and would give a stranger a quarter for a phone call. I am not a BAD PERSON. Screwed up, needing counseling, lol probably.... but not a bad person. I didn't mean this reply to be disrespectful to anyone who views this as unethical and morally wrong. I know it's morally wrong, and I respect everyone's opinion. I just wanted you all to see the other side of things, that these situations aren't always so black and white. Bratty--I certainly don't see you as a bad person at all...you have your life to live, your situation, and make your own judgements. You aren't a "steaming pile of sh*t" either...lol. Plus, I'm certainly not going to judge anyone in here! What works for you, works for you...be happy and remember everyone will have an opinion as to what "THEY" think is right or wrong. It doesn't make them right or you wrong. Did that come out right? LOL Peace! [:D] Irish

BrattyBottomRN -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 3:54:30 PM)
It sure did Darlin'. Thanks. :)

theRose4U -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 6:52:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cruelwhisper Thank you for the replies, that was fast! She was on the prowl, believe me. I told her my wife was my one and only lover and would remain such... You'd thought her panties caught fire she left so fast! I hope she doesn't regret her decision, or the consequences that follow, but it is her life.... Funny how this happens when they realize no really does mean no

tyku -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 8:12:40 PM)
I think this womans life is her responsibility. If it is a matter of your integrity, request to speak in person to her husband so that you know he knows what she's doing, and accepts it. Also, make sure that it is in line with whatever other personal relationships you have. Anything else is between you and her.

keme -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 12:41:32 AM)
Well all I can say is if you feel so strongly as your initial reaction then that is probably the best instinct to follow. I know I would have encouraged her to speak with her husband and made it clear of her needs. Because this lifestyle doesn't do well built on lies. If they could not work it out then she needs to seriously consider their relationship was not in both of their best interests.

keme -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 12:49:30 AM)
ok after reading what skylark said I have no clue where you got what you were calling yourself those names... unless I missed something... which I quite often do. But I know for my part a lie is a lie and an omition is a lie... I know that is why I am single... shrugs and no that doesn't make me a piece of shit... I chose to be single rather than live a lie. I wish you the best in your life but I for one don't have the energy nor desire to lead that life.

irishbynature -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 1:52:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: keme Because this lifestyle doesn't do well built on lies. I've found there are as many people in and out of the lifestyle that lie equally. The whole myth that the "Lifestyle" isn't built upon lies is hard for me to digest. Many of the posts I've read here, and many of the Doms/subs I've spoken too, have had to deal with dishonest vanillas and D/s individuals in their lives. Irish

keme -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 1:55:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: irishbynature quote: ORIGINAL: keme Because this lifestyle doesn't do well built on lies. I've found there are as many people in and out of the lifestyle that lie equally. The whole myth that the "Lifestyle" isn't built upon lies is hard for me to digest. Many of the posts I've read here, and many of the Doms/subs I've spoken too, have had to deal with dishonest vanillas and D/s individuals in their lives. Irish ahh thank you for pointing this out because yes you are right... which is why I try not to lie in either... BUT since I was speaking about a lifestyle related experience I only qualified that aspect. you are correct lies are not good period.

mons -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 2:47:38 AM)
crulwhisper It is to dangerous and it sound so strange I do not ever go for married men or women I do not want a woman but i would not go for it. She may had other plans. YOur are a gentlemen for turning her down and smart too. you did right. I have this one man who i talk to for sometime when he was not married now he is married and begs for me to meet him, he has a baby girl it made me sad no i would not good job best wishes mons/jane

Level -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 2:58:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tikkiee quote: Would you or would you not have met her? Why or why not? Quite simple. She was married; and her husband knew nothing about what she was doing. Exactly.

KnightofMists -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 10:00:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub Hubby has been my Dom for about 3 yrs. now and we are about to celebrate out 38th anniversary.[:)] Congrats......

meatcleaver -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 12:10:11 PM)
If someone is looking outside their marriage I guess they have already made a decision about their marriage. The question would be would you want the possible fall out when the shit hits the fan. If you decline straight away, that is the easiest option because if you meet you might find yourself emotionally involved immediately without that being your intention. I guess the answer if I'm honest, would depend on my personal circumstances at the time. I just don't like having hard and fast morals because that is the way to become a hypocrite, we are all human and have human failings but the not wanting to be around when the things go pear shaped would be a huge factor to consider.

cruelwhisper -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 1:44:32 PM)
I am enjoying the replies, thanks to all who have written. Several have mentioned I should have tried talking to this woman, but she bolted. Any further discussion on that point is moot... This is not a morals topic - I simply wanted to know what you would do in this situation. For good or bad affairs happen. It's what we learn about ourselves and how it affects our relationships with others that is key....

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 1:54:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cruelwhisper Fed up, she was looking outside her marriage to get the sexual dominating she wanted. I politely declined, gentleman that I am. <No, I won't give you her name! lol> My question to you is this - Would you or would you not have met her? Why or why not? First and foremost I say Kudos to you, CW, for not allowing yourself to compromise your ethics for a few minutes of potential pleasure. No, I wouldn't have, nor do I typically bother to respond to emails from those who state they are married. (And if I find out after talking to them a bit that they are, they get dropped from my regular contacts immediately.) Why? Because BDSM is a hobby which requires TRUST - and Trust, at it's roots, requires HONESTY and LOYALTY. If someone is incapable of being honest to someone whom they've taken vows with - chances are, they aren't going to be capable of being honest with ME, either. If they can't show loyalty to the person they're married to, then they aren't likely to show me any sort of loyalty either. If they can't show sufficient self restraint to make a decision to either abide by the terms of their marriage or END that marriage before looking elsewhere - their ethics are no where near what I expect out of those whom I consider potential partners. Are my standards to high? I've been told in the past by several people that they are - and yet I refuse to accept that as an answer. If I'm capable of meeting the standard that I set in this particular area, then what earthly reason would I have for lowering that standard for someone else?

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 2:05:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smythe Pity the poor married person. Attached at the hip to one person who is supposed to fulfill all his/her needs all his/her life. At 30, or 40 she or he realizes that feelings of submission cannot be denied. Maybe she has children with her husband, maybe he loves his wife a lot. Maybe one is dependent on the other financially. Should he or she be sentenced to a life unfulfilled just because they made a basically good decision at 25...and then changed in an unexpected way? I feel no pity for those who are married and CHOSE to CHEAT. And yes, it is a Choice that is made - no one is holding a gun to them and forcing them to do anything. If they're that unhappy in their marriage - they have several options. Talking to their spouce, marriage counciling... and if all else fails, Divorce. In this day and age, it is within the power of each individual to change the circumstances of their own life if they're truely unhappy with how things are. At least such is the case in the western world, and even in increasingly large chunks of the eastern and oriental world. Anyone can whine about how they're Trapped in their current situation by this, that, or the other circumstance. The only thing that truely traps them is themselves, and their lack of desire to make a solution that isn't necessarily the EASY way out of a "bad" spot. If they really want to change things, they will find a way. If they don't look for a solution, then in my personal opinion they don't actually want a change.

Arpig -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 2:09:52 PM)
If the partner does not know, it is cheating, and I want nothing to do with that.

CollaredProperty -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 2:52:36 PM)
Would not have met her or any person who is married unless the married spouse was in from the start. seeing how that is not the case my answer is no.

melnkolybabydoll -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/6/2006 2:57:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver If someone is looking outside their marriage I guess they have already made a decision about their marriage. This is not necessarily the case. There is no way to know one's intentions. In the past, i have looked outside my marriage for several reasons, curiosity being one. i was also taught, at an age most do not consciously remember, to have multiple partners. My stepping out is often a process required for me to learn why i exhibit certain behaviors, so i can apply the lesson to help me change. It in no way diminishes the love and desire i have for my husband. Thankfully, he is tolerant and endures this growing process. We are very close because of his understanding and love.

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