When's the right time to move to RT (Full Version)

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EasyE -> When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 4:38:52 PM)

Hi all. I've had some great conversations on here in the past. So thanks to the community for that.

This question is for subs/slaves mostly:

When you are starting to get to know someone on CM how do you like them to wait and when do you want them to push for Real Time? I understand how dangerous and apprehensive meetings can be (if not done right). So regardless of our interests and similarities, the attraction must outweigh the apprehension. We have moved to text from online and explored both our personal interests and kinks.

I would like to see if the chemistry is their in person. So in the near future I would like to meet her. Do you prefer a suggestion of meeting, or more of a stern invitation? Most of my past experiences have been fairly developed and a meeting was more hinged on when I would be back in town. So I don't want to rush this. Patience is key and I'm willing to wait for the fruit to blossom.

TL:DR How long to chat before RT meeting, and how to suggest it?



Kaliko -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 4:47:52 PM)

If I were the woman you are talking with, I would want to meet as soon as possible. I have learned that standing in the presence of a man can save weeks of wasted emails, texts, and phone calls. Exchange a picture, exchange a few emails, then meet.

I would not say suggest a meeting, nor would I say to be stern about it. I would say ask her. With a date, time, and place. None of that "We should meet sometime, maybe on Wednesday" crap. Show her you have every intention of meeting her, but don't be all dom-like about it. Yet.




fucktoyprincess -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 4:57:08 PM)

If you feel it is the right time to meet, then just ask her. If she also feels it is the right time she will agree. If she doesn't, find out her concerns, try to address them forthrightly, and be patient.

I suggest meeting in a very public place to start, for something very simple, like coffee. If you both click, you will know almost immediately. Anything else can be planned for after that.



lizi -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 5:04:41 PM)

I tend to want to meet fairly quickly, I don't like wasting time. People can get too attached online before testing it out in person to see if the attraction is there. Hell, I've met someone on the same day we started communicating. I'm talking about meetings in public places. If there is an attraction online then I want to see if it's for real, which I won't know till i am sharing a physical space with that person.

First meetings for me are always in public having coffee or something comparable, that takes the danger out of it for me and makes it safe for me to agree to a meeting. I usually set up first meetings for a coffee, or something that is on the short side, so I can leave if it doesn't work out and lengthen it if we choose to do that instead.

I definitely don't think a stern invitation is the way to go. She's not got anything to do with being in any kind of relationship with you yet, you have no right at this point to assert anything. Until both parties agree that there is some dynamic there then it doesn't exist. In the beginning I detest pushiness, I'll take things at my own pace or not at all. I like it when men allow me to set the pace in the beginning, it shows that they are confident and it comes off as being more trustworthy than trying to push me into something. I'd also suggest not hinting for a private meeting but suggesting somewhere public. Let her feel safe, you'll get farther.

Suggest it by asking if she'd like to have coffee somewhere so the two of you can say hello. Keep it completely vanilla, see if you like each other before progressing on to more kinky things. What would you do if you were wanting to date someone? Do that. Think of this as dating, kink isn't necessarily anything to do with anything yet. On my first date with my Dom we went to a park for a walk and then on to a college basketball game and finished up with dinner and a kiss in the parking lot goodbye. At any point if I wasn't feeling it I could have said goodbye. He planned it so there were ways for us to keep extending things for the day if we were enjoying ourselves which we ended up using.

We've had over 3 years together so far. We started out meeting here on CM and chatting online and then to the phone and met in about 2 weeks from our first chat online because there were time constraints or it would have been sooner. It was a vanilla date, if he'd tried to sternly push me into anything I'd have left and never spoken to him again, instead his focus was on making sure i was comfortable. It worked. The next date 2 weeks later (time constraints again) we just about set a hotel room on fire. Anything can happen.



tj444 -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 5:20:08 PM)

I am busy doing things in my life right now so not meeting anyone or even emailing with anyone but when i am looking for a relationship, I would want to find out certain basic things that are important to me in anyone i might date, have exchanged photos etc.. that would not take very long tho.. So, once i feel there is fairly good compatibility on those things, I would want to meet asap, to see if we like each other in person..

I dont accept anyone being dominant with me and ordering me to meet.. if someone tried that with me it would make me rethink meeting him.. until we have met, gotten to know each other well enough and then agreed to be in a relationship,.. its just a normal friend type thing and we would be equals.. But, I am not like many other subs, for me its just in the bedroom, its like a normal relationship other than that.. so maybe my view isnt like other subs... i dunno..



OsideGirl -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 7:05:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Do you prefer a suggestion of meeting, or more of a stern invitation?


I would prefer neither. I would prefer, "Hey, would you like to meet for a coffee?"



DesFIP -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 8:31:54 PM)

If you're in the same area, then suggest meeting for coffee.

If you're not, then figure out when you can get there and ask if next weekend, or three Saturdays from now would be a good time.

But a stern demand would get you tossed on your ear. Because you don't have the right to demand anything or behave with less than good manners until after she commits to you.



FrostedFlake -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/14/2012 9:16:54 PM)

Now.

Taking R/T to mean face time. There is just no replacement for being able to see what the fuck you are doing.

Regarding dangerous, I have noticed that I am just as dangerous as the situation I am in. Maybe you should be, too.



EasyE -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 8:57:42 AM)

Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately distance isn't condusive to just coffee. However I almost forgot I am heading up north and going by her area on Friday. So a stop for coffee/dinner would work since I'm already on one hell of a drive north and out that way. I only asked about being assertive because she has shown a preference for that. But I don't feel we're there yet so I like your suggestions. Thank you very much for the kind responses. I'll be sure to leave an update as to how things go. All this assumes she isn't working Friday evening (medical field so maybe).



msub4real -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 10:17:35 AM)

For me I always live in real time, in the present and so it is up to the other person if they want to keep distance between us and remain in fantasy mode for whatever reasons they might have.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 4:09:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately distance isn't condusive to just coffee. However I almost forgot I am heading up north and going by her area on Friday. So a stop for coffee/dinner would work since I'm already on one hell of a drive north and out that way. I only asked about being assertive because she has shown a preference for that. But I don't feel we're there yet so I like your suggestions. Thank you very much for the kind responses. I'll be sure to leave an update as to how things go. All this assumes she isn't working Friday evening (medical field so maybe).


"Assertive" can mean many things. I would not necessarily interpret assertive as meaning a "stern invitation", but more that you simply "take charge" of being the one to ask her out to coffee/dinner, and see how she responds. A lot of women say they like "assertive" and men interpret that as "they want me to act like a jerk". I'm not sure why that gets lost in translation so much, but it does seem to happen. But generally speaking, I would go for the taking charge aspect - but in a romantic, polite way, if that makes sense. In fact for me, it the man who can walk that fine line between all of those things (assertive, romantic, polite) who is hugely attractive. (And for those women who really want their Dominant to act like a jerk, obviously I am not speaking for your preferences.)



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 5:11:34 PM)

I'm not single now, but when I was, i wouldn't meet with people who were not close enough to get together easily for coffee, or dinner or hanging out. I used to be open to long distance, but closed that option are a few un satisfying getting to know you periods an then they were not who they said they were, or i didn't like them like i thought it did.


I'd wait 2 weeks maybe a little more, depending on how often we talked, and how intense the talks were, and how the chemistry felt, but were i single, and only meeting people close enough to see easily, no more than a month maybe.
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Hi all. I've had some great conversations on here in the past. So thanks to the community for that.

This question is for subs/slaves mostly:

When you are starting to get to know someone on CM how do you like them to wait and when do you want them to push for Real Time?
quote:

r a suggestion of meeting, or more of a stern invitation? Most of my past exp



JanahX -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 7:01:51 PM)

You'll know its the right time = when you actually get up away from your computer and actually physically move to do it. lol = no doctorates degree needed to figure out that one -



ProlificNeeds -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 7:34:50 PM)

FR~

Meet as soon as possible BUT, meet with no expectations, no strings. Go for coffee, chat like people, leave the BDSM out. If you like them as a person and you feel attraction, then make your play for more.

I've met loads of people online and I'm not advocating against online, however from experience... online is not the complete whole of a person, he only way to really know them and be with them is in person, so do that quickly before online illusions are built.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/15/2012 8:12:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

However I almost forgot I am heading up north and going by her area on Friday. So a stop for coffee/dinner would work since I'm already on one hell of a drive north and out that way.


This sounds perfect if she's willing. She knows you're on your way somewhere else and won't feel pressed spending more time just because you're there if it's not a match. Don't forget the old fashioned telephone...at least one voice conversation before you leave may help both of you decide if meeting in person is even desired. Sometimes a phone call is enough information for me to know to pass all together. Sometimes it makes me more excited to meet. Good luck, and do let us know how it turns out for you.



littlecherie -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/16/2012 6:05:52 AM)

I would have moved within a week or so of meeting Master in RT, but work and other things got in the way, so I moved a month after we started dating (4 months after we met).

I don't recommend it, but I also am one to say take a chance :P



LaTigresse -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/16/2012 6:59:16 AM)

If they want me to take them seriously it had better be rather quickly. Otherwise it's just someone I email off and on, as time and interest dictates.



EasyE -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/16/2012 3:30:25 PM)

Thanks all. Plenty of advice now. We have moved past email to text. Text instead of voice because we are both working all day.



quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess


quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately distance isn't condusive to just coffee. However I almost forgot I am heading up north and going by her area on Friday. So a stop for coffee/dinner would work since I'm already on one hell of a drive north and out that way. I only asked about being assertive because she has shown a preference for that. But I don't feel we're there yet so I like your suggestions. Thank you very much for the kind responses. I'll be sure to leave an update as to how things go. All this assumes she isn't working Friday evening (medical field so maybe).

A lot of women say they like "assertive" and men interpret that as "they want me to act like a jerk". I'm not sure why that gets lost in translation so much, but it does seem to happen.


LOL I have known several guys that say exactly that. They like it when you're a jerk to them. Totally missing the point.



JeffBC -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/16/2012 4:00:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately distance isn't condusive to just coffee.

That's a fascinating comment. Can you elaborate?

I ask because for me, distance isn't a relevant factor to how the first meeting is going to go. It's ALWAYS going to be "just coffee". OK, the "coffee" might stretch for a few days if I flew half way across the country and booked a hotel room. I think for me, it's the "just" word that is confusing. The "coffee" part is code words for discussion and that is what I seek in the beginning of a relationship. I don't grok "just getting to know her". For me, that is the entire game at the beginning.



EasyE -> RE: When's the right time to move to RT (4/16/2012 4:03:44 PM)

140 miles. However I am going past on my way up north this coming weekend. So there will be a chance for a quick coffee or other casual short meeting Friday and/or Sunday.


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately distance isn't condusive to just coffee.

That's a fascinating comment. Can you elaborate?

I ask because for me, distance isn't a relevant factor to how the first meeting is going to go. It's ALWAYS going to be "just coffee". OK, the "coffee" might stretch for a few days if I flew half way across the country and booked a hotel room. I think for me, it's the "just" word that is confusing. The "coffee" part is code words for discussion and that is what I seek in the beginning of a relationship. I don't grok "just getting to know her". For me, that is the entire game at the beginning.





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