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Dakiniglas -> 10 First Place Winners in International Pun Contest (6/4/2006 10:28:41 PM)
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"THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE
HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE
DEVELOPMENT"
Here are the 10 first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one
carrion allowed per
passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says
"Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost
my electron." The other
says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root-canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I
can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other
goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "But they're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) a super calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally,
10. There was the person who sent ten different
puns to friends, with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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