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RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/17/2012 9:40:52 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

Well sorry not even going to bother looking for a bunch of statistics that prove what ever you want them too. but having sex with someone you call daddy!!!




Oh OK I SEE NOW Your kink is perfectly acceptable. While my kink is NOT. I'm glad to see your double standard works for you! Good to know your true colors. Permanently ignored

BadOne

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/17/2012 10:40:05 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I admit, it was a red flag to me and i over reacted.

Doesnt change how i think about it, but i should have kept quiet

I agree with you.

I know vanilla women who call their husband's or S/O's Daddy. My brothers call their wives "baby." It's a term of endearment. A friend calls his girlfriend "pet" - another term of endearment. I have some girlfriends I call "mama". And so it goes.

Derailment of frazzle's hot buttons aside.....

My owner is Daddy to me, and I'm his babygirl. To us it's a stern yet nurturing ruler and caretaker that taps into my inner sweetness and vulnerability.

He can be tender and he can be sadistic - it's not about S&M or other "BDSM" activities for us, although we do enjoy those ("Daddy" doesn't factor into how he chooses to get off with me). It's simply how we choose to express ourselves.

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(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/17/2012 10:42:43 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		When I was happily married to my first, and very vanilla husband, who just happened to be 38 years older than my very tender age, and older than my own father, I tended to get quite offended when people mistook him for my father. Yet, my normal name for him was 'Daddy', on the logic that, with young children (we had 4 under 3) you call your partner, and other family members, what you wish the children to call them.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/17/2012 10:46:05 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Some do yes. And some people seperate out the Daddy part, from the sex part. like us. I can and do, call him daddy all day long till the cow's come home, but once it's time to have sex, then he's said not to call him Daddy during sex. And i am a sexual abuse survivor, and still like calling him Daddy, and it's not a big deal to me. I find others make it a bigger deal than we two of us do.


quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

You are not wrong. mostly it is incest.
Would you really want to call the person you're having sex with daddy???
Would you want to have sex with someone who expected you to call them daddy???



< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 4/17/2012 10:57:22 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 2:20:38 AM   
Kainundeva


Posts: 79
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline 		one of our friends is psychiatrist and it happened that i´ve been once talking about something related to him...

now he explained me that if very young girls are into bdsm, there is a good chance that they have been subject to abuse in the family. i can´t recall all the little details now, but he explained me that the human brain always wants to stick to what it knows, and if it knows abuse by daddy, it might seek for it, even if the girl on a more conscious level hates her dad for what he did and moved away from home. very, very short abstract of an explanation that took about one hour or so.

to make it short: he proved right, after my mind was open for that. not always of course, i met my wife when she was 21 and i was 14 years older and she was into bdsm back then, but only out of curiousity, never been abused... just bored. and she NEVER called me daddy, nor would i want that... it would conflict with my vanity a lot :-)

so: i do not want to run again into trouble with girls that call their older guys daddy for other reasons, there are multiple possibilities as the posters before me already stated, even just to make fun of the age difference, but that is still one of the possible reasons. just wanted to put it here for the sake of completeness.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 6:14:16 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kainundeva

one of our friends is psychiatrist and it happened that i´ve been once talking about something related to him...

now he explained me that if very young girls are into bdsm, there is a good chance that they have been subject to abuse in the family. i can´t recall all the little details now, but he explained me that the human brain always wants to stick to what it knows, and if it knows abuse by daddy, it might seek for it, even if the girl on a more conscious level hates her dad for what he did and moved away from home. very, very short abstract of an explanation that took about one hour or so.



That is a very interesting point. Here is a link to an interesting Psychology Today article about "the rape fantasy". It discusses how some women who have experienced sexual trauma, such as rape, engage in the rape fantasy as a means of empowering themselves, and taking back their sexuality from an experience that may have robbed them of it. Its not exactly what you are saying, but along the same path.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201012/the-rape-fantasy

(in reply to Kainundeva)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 6:20:14 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry, Im into D/lg play, but its not about incest, and its not because I was abused..

I tend to prefer older partners because Ive never really gotten along with people my age, We are in different places mentally emotionally and physically. So I tend to date older partners by 10 to 20 years.

Its just a natural fit to call them Daddy, because of the age difference as well as their role in my life, guidance, protection, love, respect, kindness, caring, strict..

My partners in the past have been sexual but not incestual. NEVER once has a partner touched me when i was in little mode, EVER... they always respected...

I really HATE when people tell me why it is i do what i do....

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 6:48:27 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
Certainly it is a public board, and anyone can respond to posts in any way they wish.

Actually, there's more going on than that, Bhruic. If you read the Guidelines for posting in this forum, which is at the top of the General BDSM Discussion topic list, you will see it includes:
quote:


Subjects which are unacceptable regardless of circumstance include, but are not limited to - minors engaged in sexual activities, bestiality, incest, necrophilia, snuff and criminal activities. Any other questions of acceptability will be determined based on the content of the given essay.

Keep the discussions civil and mature, and do not insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others.

frazzle's posts were not consistent with forum guidelines. Not only was she insulting a kink, she was saying that the people engaging in it were engaging in an illegal behavior that can't be discussed here. (Actually, the mods have clarified over the years that it's ok to discuss, say, pedophilia, in theory and in the abstract -- like, percentage of pedophilia in different races, cultures, countries -- but it's not ok to talk about actively doing it.)

I'm not an official spokesperson by any means, but I thought that was why 21 posted in the thread.

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(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:11:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I didnt see in anywhere in TOS that you can only respond to threads you agree with


Certainly it is a public board, and anyone can respond to posts in any way they wish. What you are experiencing is the reaction from a community that has been historically demonized, and thus has developed - out of necessity as much as out of a sense that it is right - a philosophy of tolerance.

A very typical response is something along the lines of; "Its not my kink, but whatever happens between consenting adults is fine".

And then there's your response. Antithetical to the community, and thus you get a rise.


Feel free to argue with the Mods. See how it ends up.


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:17:25 AM   
Kainundeva


Posts: 79
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Sorry, Im into D/lg play, but its not about incest, and its not because I was abused..

I tend to prefer older partners because Ive never really gotten along with people my age, We are in different places mentally emotionally and physically. So I tend to date older partners by 10 to 20 years.

Its just a natural fit to call them Daddy, because of the age difference as well as their role in my life, guidance, protection, love, respect, kindness, caring, strict..

My partners in the past have been sexual but not incestual. NEVER once has a partner touched me when i was in little mode, EVER... they always respected...

I really HATE when people tell me why it is i do what i do....


as i wrote:

it´s only one possibility in a zillion.

so nobody tells exactly you that exactly you were abused, you should have read the post carefully. There are so many more reasons for it, i found also ( and keep in mind thats just another possibility of many ) that girls who grew up without a father ( by divorce or whatever ) sometimes tend to go for a father figure. or girls with a very strict father... we met a girl who was only 18, and wanted to daddy-play in a non sexual way... she had a very strict father and her parents died in an accident.

but as i said: i would not try to tell anybody why exactly he does things, this is just another answer to OPs question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


That is a very interesting point. Here is a link to an interesting Psychology Today article about "the rape fantasy". It discusses how some women who have experienced sexual trauma, such as rape, engage in the rape fantasy as a means of empowering themselves, and taking back their sexuality from an experience that may have robbed them of it. Its not exactly what you are saying, but along the same path.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201012/the-rape-fantasy



thank you, very interesting. That does of course make sense. rape and abuse are not far from each other.

< Message edited by Kainundeva -- 4/18/2012 7:19:56 AM >

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:23:15 AM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		I always thought of a Daddy Dom as the (decades) older guy with the younger submissive gal - and am glad this thread was brought up so that the idea would be clarified in my head.

I hadn't realized the caring component - but it makes sense.
I would think there might be a 'strictness' component, such as being always-right and stern in a way that allows funishment for misbehavior.
In addition, I would guess there may also be a nurturing component.

Putting it all together, (I'm guessing here based on intuition and what was written prior):
a) Large negative age delta
b) Nurturing and caring
c) Strictness with funishment

Looking back, I realize belatedly this can qualify almost any D/s relationship, so maybe I'm off the mark.

One thought: Is there a female equivalent of the Daddy Dom? (Mommy Domme?, Cougar Domme?)

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:40:45 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

You are not wrong. mostly it is incest.
Maybe in your mind, but not in mine nor the minds of the many people I have met who are into it.

Would you really want to call the person you're having sex with daddy???
I never called her daddi when we were having sex and if I did, it wouldn't have had anything to do with my real father. Trust me, he is one of the last people I want to be thinking about during sex.

Would you want to have sex with someone who expected you to call them daddy???
She didn't expect me to call her daddi. It is something we came up with when we decided to experiment with age play. And yes I wanted to have sex with her and loved it when we did.

What half of them mean, is someone who is caring.
I thought you just said it was mostly insest?
Ive met sadistic bastards who are caring and it didnt mean they wanted to be my "daddy", it just meant that yes they enjoyed hurting me and didnt need an excuse.
There are assholes out there, what does that have to do with age play or daddy doms?



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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:48:59 AM   
VideoAdminGamma


Posts: 2233
Status: offline 		Fast reply:

This may assist some: http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

Thank you for being a part of CollarMe,
VideoAdminGamma

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:51:15 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Lots of vanilla people call their male partners Daddy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVRzk3VWOKY

Beyond that, it usually indicates a less strict, more caring relationship. And from those who talk about doing this, I find that incest play is actually a very small percentage.




Yes they do. Trixie called Moses "daddy" in Paper Moon. I doubt there was any incest involved. Also Judge Hardy used to call his wife "mother" and I doubt he was thinking about his real mother either.
Yes

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 7:56:59 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

One thought: Is there a female equivalent of the Daddy Dom? (Mommy Domme?, Cougar Domme?)


My daddi was female. I used to brag that my daddi had bigger tits than anyone elses

Oh and she was 13 years younger than me.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 8:42:50 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
Certainly it is a public board, and anyone can respond to posts in any way they wish.

Actually, there's more going on than that, Bhruic. If you read the Guidelines for posting in this forum, which is at the top of the General BDSM Discussion topic list, you will see it includes:
quote:


Subjects which are unacceptable regardless of circumstance include, but are not limited to - minors engaged in sexual activities, bestiality, incest, necrophilia, snuff and criminal activities. Any other questions of acceptability will be determined based on the content of the given essay.

Keep the discussions civil and mature, and do not insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others.

frazzle's posts were not consistent with forum guidelines. Not only was she insulting a kink, she was saying that the people engaging in it were engaging in an illegal behavior that can't be discussed here. (Actually, the mods have clarified over the years that it's ok to discuss, say, pedophilia, in theory and in the abstract -- like, percentage of pedophilia in different races, cultures, countries -- but it's not ok to talk about actively doing it.)

I'm not an official spokesperson by any means, but I thought that was why 21 posted in the thread.


I agree that dissing someone's kink is in opposition to the TOS... but discussing whether something is or is not incest is not the same thing as discussing incest. Nothing in this thread has anything to do with incest, which is, in fact, sex between direct family members. NOT pretend family members (if that's one's kink) ... seems like the thread kinda lost track of that important nuance.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 4:13:00 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

now he explained me that if very young girls are into bdsm, there is a good chance that they have been subject to abuse in the family.


When I hear "very young girls" I think of age 5 but because of the context and since some people call women well over age 12 or 18 girls, please clarify the age range to which you refer.

(in reply to Kainundeva)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 4:25:31 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I didnt see in anywhere in TOS that you can only respond to threads you agree with


Certainly it is a public board, and anyone can respond to posts in any way they wish. What you are experiencing is the reaction from a community that has been historically demonized, and thus has developed - out of necessity as much as out of a sense that it is right - a philosophy of tolerance.

A very typical response is something along the lines of; "Its not my kink, but whatever happens between consenting adults is fine".

And then there's your response. Antithetical to the community, and thus you get a rise.

bravo, well said! i would replace 'tolerance' with 'acceptance' because tolerance implies it's something bad that is allowed. acceptance is neutral. yah shoot me, i despise PCism, but just sometimes...



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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 4:32:44 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		i think the moral of the story here is that words can have very different connotations - all along the spectrum, from good, neutral, to bad. and, words can carry baggage for different people. multiply that by the internet not having body language and visual cues, and you have a recipe for misunderstanding. so it's best not to get sensationalistic or judgmental about it.

*sings cumbaya*

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: ?? Daddy Dom's - 4/18/2012 5:27:19 PM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I didnt see in anywhere in TOS that you can only respond to threads you agree with


Certainly it is a public board, and anyone can respond to posts in any way they wish. What you are experiencing is the reaction from a community that has been historically demonized, and thus has developed - out of necessity as much as out of a sense that it is right - a philosophy of tolerance.

A very typical response is something along the lines of; "Its not my kink, but whatever happens between consenting adults is fine".

And then there's your response. Antithetical to the community, and thus you get a rise.

bravo, well said! i would replace 'tolerance' with 'acceptance' because tolerance implies it's something bad that is allowed. acceptance is neutral. yah shoot me, i despise PCism, but just sometimes...





Haha... well now - just to be annoying - I'll engage in semantics :) To accept something implies to embrace it (accept your fate, accept an award). Since we are talking about kinks that may not be one's own, but one is unwilling to judge, I think tolerance is the appropriate word.

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 60
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