RE: About pain.

RE: About pain. (Full Version)

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tsatske -> RE: About pain. (4/19/2012 7:16:36 PM)
on the cutting note. I am mentally ill and am a cutter. I would say, 'have been', as I haven't cut in more than a decade. It is not having S&M that allows me to not cut, although that can be helpful. Pain beats the demons back from the door for a while, is the best way I know to describe it. It makes the monsters stop screaming in my head. I discovered the secret to not cutting in Ds, and now continue to use that secret, even when not in a Ds relationship. The secret is to have someone who agrees to be a sort of 'key keeper' for my cutting - I'm not alloweed to cut without asking permission. Now, i'm not likely to get permsion, but it matters that I have to ask. If I simply agree not to cut, what will happen is, when I need to cut, I will know that when we made that agreement we didn't know how much pain I was going to be in right now. So, instead, I have to ask. I put off asking as long as I can, because I don't like to feel manipulative. Then, when I break down and ask, I am admitting to someone that I am in pain. It works for me on several levels. It has kept me from cutting, as I said, for over 10 years.

Alecta -> RE: About pain. (4/19/2012 8:13:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske on the cutting note. I am mentally ill and am a cutter. I would say, 'have been', as I haven't cut in more than a decade. It is not having S&M that allows me to not cut, although that can be helpful. Pain beats the demons back from the door for a while, is the best way I know to describe it. It makes the monsters stop screaming in my head. I discovered the secret to not cutting in Ds, and now continue to use that secret, even when not in a Ds relationship. The secret is to have someone who agrees to be a sort of 'key keeper' for my cutting - I'm not alloweed to cut without asking permission. Now, i'm not likely to get permsion, but it matters that I have to ask. If I simply agree not to cut, what will happen is, when I need to cut, I will know that when we made that agreement we didn't know how much pain I was going to be in right now. So, instead, I have to ask. I put off asking as long as I can, because I don't like to feel manipulative. Then, when I break down and ask, I am admitting to someone that I am in pain. It works for me on several levels. It has kept me from cutting, as I said, for over 10 years. I'm curious, and hope you don't mind my asking, is it that the "keeper" always says no (or employs diversion tactics) when you ask, or the self-realisation that you're asking when you do that has kept you from it these past 10 years? And would it make a difference to how you feel about the authority of that Keeper if you KNOW the Keeper will never agree to give you permission, or if you feel that maybe perhaps s/he would allow it?

tsatske -> RE: About pain. (4/19/2012 9:42:50 PM)
My sister is my current 'Keeper'. She is also the 'keeper' in terms of health care descions for me - it is her who decides if I should be hospitalized. I feel that a mentally ill person is less than likely to know when they need to be hospitalized. It's odd.... I still believe that, even though I have in the past taken myself to the emergency room when I needed to be hospitalized. I know my sister would never say 'yes'. She is also not someone I engage in any kind of kink. so, unlike former Masters, she can't just substitute other pain. But she can decide that I need to be hospitalized. I have to trust her with that, because, circularly, I have chosen to trust her with it.

Alecta -> RE: About pain. (4/19/2012 10:08:13 PM)
Thank you for sharing that. It is truly admirable.

FrostedFlake -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 4:01:43 AM)
Outside of romance, I am not at all interested in abuse. I studied Taekwondo, Hapkido and Judo, just for such occasions. That is not to say I am aggressive, but uhm...

Madame4a -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 5:25:04 AM)
hmmm... I think I'd be really careful in a place sort of loosely based on some kind of BDSM about equating pain with abuse... might just be the way you're wording it... but ultimately, I think you have to believe that pain in fact is not abuse... although I won't speak for all but pain isn't abuse in my world.. harm is quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake Outside of romance, I am not at all interested in abuse. I studied Taekwondo, Hapkido and Judo, just for such occasions. That is not to say I am aggressive, but uhm...

FirmlyTied -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 6:35:42 AM)
Pain is an old friend of mine. Many years ago I learned to accept and handle pain rather than fear it. I tend to not seek pain in play scenarios, though most of what I enjoy does necessarily involve what others may consider painful. I love restrictive bondage; I find comfort in feeling the restraints “bite” as I struggle. What am I struggling from? Usually something that involves a bit of pain. I do like pain. Though I seldom find pain arousing, I do sometimes find it indispensible in some sexual situations. I love sex mixed in with BDSM; though in many scenes sex is not an option. I do get a real emotional charge from two things; knowing the Domme is enjoying bringing the pain and in my ability to handle that pain. I also enjoy plain old vanilla sex `I am in either context submissive. If the pain leads to sex, or some sex act I cannot avoid is part of the BDSM scene so much the better. In life situations away from anything recreational I do have a higher tolerance for pain than most. I have several times surprised my long term MD with how I rate the pain I am experiencing compared to his more typical patients, any examples I could give would look like bragging and that is not my intent, or is this ability anything I am proud of. It is something I trained myself to do years ago after an injury and not wanting to be wasted on pain drugs long term for that injury. Perhaps my natural masochistic bent facilitated that training. For me, I prefer handling what I have learned to be tolerable pain over the side effects I experience from any medication.

FrostedFlake -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 7:02:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a hmmm... I think I'd be really careful in a place sort of loosely based on some kind of BDSM about equating pain with abuse... might just be the way you're wording it... but ultimately, I think you have to believe that pain in fact is not abuse... although I won't speak for all but pain isn't abuse in my world.. harm is quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake Outside of romance, I am not at all interested in abuse. I studied Taekwondo, Hapkido and Judo, just for such occasions. That is not to say I am aggressive, but uhm... A sadist walks up to a masochist in a bar and smacks him across the face. Then gets up off the floor... If you check my profile you will find I overuse the word respect. I'm easy, but I'm not that easy.

DesFIP -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 8:31:58 AM)
Pain is not erotic to me. I love bondage and some sensory deprivation. It lets me relax and float. I enjoy some thud, but not too much. And I'll take some pain for him but that's different than finding it desirable in itself.

Missokyst -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 8:37:33 AM)
The sick "you need help" part of me enjoys pain for totally non sexual reasons. Mostly I like pain with pleasure like the rest of the perfectly sane people who only do this stuff for sex and truly believe that the other way is bad. But I like pain with or without sex, with or without pleasure, mostly on my dime. I recognise pain as something that sets me right when I am otherwise spinning out of control. Pain takes me out of a cycle of anxiety that I am unable to fix. Pain buffers the numb in my head and lets me feel human again. Like you, pain allows me to know I can beat it and survive. But unlike you sometimes I run from it and sometimes I embrace it. I have pursued jobs that stretch my pain tolerance. I view it as similar to people who box, play football, ect, KNOWING that they are going to be hurt. And I laugh because that kind of pain is not only considered laudable, it is also well paid. Pain is a tool. When most people feel it they know something is wrong. When I feel it I know something is wrong but at least I now can acknowlege it. quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain I am wondering if anyone else feels the same or if they have another nonsexual reason for allowing pain.

kalikshama -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 9:52:42 AM)
quote: I suppose there are people that pain and sexual arousal are separate, but I don't really fall into that category. With that said, I dislike pain. If I'm sore after the gym, stub my toe, I'll cry, whinge, complain. But when Sir hurts me, it is an amazing combination of being high from endorphins and being sexually aroused simultaneously. Knowing he's enjoying inflicting the pain, as well knowing he's got the power/control over me is a huge turn on. I enjoy the pain he causes and am proud of marks that get left (infact, I get disappointed if there aren't any) ^ This is my experience.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 10:18:05 AM)
FR I think the one thing that is very clear from this thread is that one's experience with pain is an extremely personal thing. There is no "correct" response to pain. There is only how each of react, and what that means for whether we incorporate it in our BDSM proclivities or not.

another1harder -> RE: About pain. (4/20/2012 10:48:18 PM)
I am willing to stand up and say pain CAN have nothing to do with sex. Unfortunately that's because I can't sit. He-he. The problem pain sluts have is finding a true sadist. They'll say they are sadists, strictest disciplinarians & etc. But usually its about sex, power, senseless pain, worshiping their body, humiliation, and of course money. Here is where pain sluts trade sex for promise of pain. Phrases to discuss to weed out the wannabe sadists are, safe-word and yes, it's okay to leave marks. My favorite that will generate lots of discussion, a contract for number of lashes beyond safe-word. This will perk up a sadist. Why the pain? Need when stressed by life or work. Leaves me tranquil. It maybe the endorphins.

Alecta -> RE: About pain. (4/21/2012 1:32:18 AM)
quote: The problem pain sluts have is finding a true sadist. They'll say they are sadists, strictest disciplinarians & etc. But usually its about sex, power, senseless pain... Why is someone who desires "senseless pain" a problem for a pain slut? What you're saying would make sense if you were speaking of an all-round masochist in search of an all-round sadist, but isn't someone who enjoys giving out senseless pain the sadist equivalent of a painslut? And wouldn't that be a natural match in terms of kink needs?

another1harder -> RE: About pain. (4/21/2012 9:30:19 AM)
Senseless pain versus painstaking

LadyHibiscus -> RE: About pain. (4/21/2012 10:29:32 AM)
I envy you endorphin people. I really do.

IrishMist -> RE: About pain. (4/21/2012 10:44:01 AM)
Like others, I am one of those who does not feel any arousal from pain...no sexual, no erotic...nothing...just pure pain. I like it and encourage it because I am also one of those who uses pain to remind myself that I am still alive. Other than that, I have no use for pain lol...it hurts too much [&:]

Karmastic -> RE: About pain. (4/21/2012 3:05:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske My sister is my current 'Keeper'. She is also the 'keeper' in terms of health care descions for me - it is her who decides if I should be hospitalized. I feel that a mentally ill person is less than likely to know when they need to be hospitalized. It's odd.... I still believe that, even though I have in the past taken myself to the emergency room when I needed to be hospitalized. I know my sister would never say 'yes'. She is also not someone I engage in any kind of kink. so, unlike former Masters, she can't just substitute other pain. But she can decide that I need to be hospitalized. I have to trust her with that, because, circularly, I have chosen to trust her with it. thanks for explaining and sharing that. i wish my cutter friend had that, something i'm sorry i couldn't provide, or even be wise enough to think of. i couldn't wrap my brain around what he was going thru, nor can i ever really understand without experiencing that need. i admire your matter of factness about it cus it's the best way, and takes courage. i'm glad you have someone u can trust for those decisions too. it's fine if you know something is wrong b4 she does, and always try and include her in that process so she can best help you as your trusted advocate.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: About pain. (4/23/2012 6:05:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I envy you endorphin people. I really do. I'm not sure it requires envy - I think like anything in BDSM, it either "works" for you or doesn't. I do have to admit, I don't completely understand those of you participate in pain play but who don't enjoy it at all. I respect your choice, I just don't quite understand it. I only ever do what I want to do/enjoy doing. So for me, the activities within BDSM that I am most interested in are those that I've discovered over time I really, really enjoy. And I participate in them by finding people who enjoy the flip side of the coin. I have to say, I don't personally engage in things that I'm not interested in doing. Period. So obviously for some of you, pain is something you endure in order to make your partner happy. And again, I respect that as a personal approach, but I have to say, just not my personal approach.

NuevaVida -> RE: About pain. (4/23/2012 9:41:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I allow pain because it's what he wants. I'm not a masochist so it doesn't really turn me on sexually...it just fucking hurts. But knowing he enjoys it turns me on. So no pain isn't sexual for me. His enjoyment though is. This is my reason for pain, too, well one of them. His enjoyment in hurting me turns me on. I also like to challenge myself and see how much i can take. I hate the pain while it's happening but as soon as it stops i want more. The sexual enjoyment comes from his energy, though.

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