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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Last night, Stephen Colbert looked into the new bill in Tennessee that seeks to ban "gateway" acts like holding hands in school, which could eventually lead to premarital sex.

Transcript: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/04/19/1084607/-Stephen-Colbert-mocks-Tennessee-s-latest-abstinence-related-stupidity

Colbert: I am a big proponent of abstinence-only education, which has proven effective with only one exception. It doesn't work. You see, a new report from the National Center for Health Statistics shows that states with abstinence-only education have higher teen pregnancy rates. And of course, they're conveniently leaving out the fact that for nine months, those girls are not getting pregnant. That's progress!

Now thankfully, there's a surefire way to strengthen our sexless-ed curriculum, and it brings us to tonight's Wørd: Gateway Hug.

Folks, the problem with abstinence-only education is that it asks kids to abstain only from sex, not from everything that leads up to it. You know, first base, second base, whatever the kids call it these days. (Charging The Mound?) Well, lawmakers in Tennessee have found a way to nip this problem in the budding sexuality. For more, we go to Action News 5, Memphis's news leader.

4/6/2012:
URSULA MADDEN, ACTION NEWS 5: Tennessee Senators have approved an update to the state's abstinence-based sex education law.

JERICA PHILLIPS, ACTION NEWS 5: In a new family life instructions bill, holding hands and kissing could be considered a gateway to having sex. ... The bill prohibits teachers from demonstrating gateway sexual activity.

...And ladies and gentlemen, if our children lack the self-control to hold in their hormones, then we have no option but to spay or neuter them. I'm talking the full Bob Barker. (The Slice Is Right) Now, I here what people are thinking out there. Sterilizing our children may sound cruel, but it's necessary to protect what is most precious to us: our belief that abstinence-only education works. And that's the Wørd. (Gateway Hug) We'll be right back.

Video: http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/412838/april-18-2012/the-word---gateway-hug