RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle?

RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/5/2006 2:43:52 PM)
If you can't get his lifestyle then that isn't the right relationship for you. It would be like someone liking me as a person but then wanting a high protocol or monogamous lifestyle that I can't offer. The more things in common you have, the better your rate of success will be.

maedhbhDdT -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/5/2006 3:13:29 PM)
sapphire, As a real time, 24/7 Gorean slave living with her Master I felt compelled to respond to your message. In reference to the books....they are poorly written (and that's putting it nicely) and very hard for most of us to read. What the Gorean lifestyle is about is the underlying philosophies of honor, integrity, and honestly. In a nutshell that's about it. Now, yes there are those that only role play it in chat rooms or whatnot, but in real life...which is what you seem to be referring to contemplating, it is very natural and normal....if there is such a thing as normal. There is some structure to it, some protocol, much like any given branch of a bdsm type lifestyle, but on a day to day basis I think you will find it to be quite a bit more laid back than what is outlined in the books. Who really has time to go through all that just to serve a drink everytime? Most don't know about Gor, or what they do know is biased and or mixed with misinformation. Add to that people fear what they do not know or understand and Gor has gotten a very bad reputation. I'm not saying it's better or worse than any chosen form of lifestyle, and it definitely isn't for everyone. I didn't want you to think, however, that it is some weird sect of people that think they live on an alternate planet. Good Gorean Masters wouldn't dream of abusing their slaves (also called kajira or girl), but rather they treasure them. Perhaps keep an open mind about Gor and see for yourself what it is like. You may discover it isn't what you might have thought and that it is the path for you. You may also decide that it isn't for you and run away screaming, but at least you gave it a fair chance and will know. Just my two cents. I wish you well, maedhbh Property of Master Daughain

sapphirepleasure -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 5:50:56 PM)
In case anyone's still curious about how this turned out, I did go ahead and visit (am still on the tail end of my trip, actually) and it's become apparent that this is not going to work on a live-in basis for a number of reasons, the main one being that their relationship is really quite new to be bringing in a second slave. I'm glad I went ahead and came for the visit because I've gotten a taste of Gor (which I feel more than ever is not for me) and poly (which, at least in the experience I've had is not for me) and M/s, which I do still want to experience with a strong and mature Master with whom I truly connect, and this may take some time to find. Thanks again for all of your thoughtful responses.

Kree -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 6:09:06 PM)
I have waited to post until you made some decisions. While I have nothing against people who live a Gorean lifestyle, or their kink, I wanted to warn you if you did move to avoid those giant birds they ride around on. If one shits on your car it will eat the paint right off.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 6:16:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure In case anyone's still curious about how this turned out, I did go ahead and visit (am still on the tail end of my trip, actually) and it's become apparent that this is not going to work on a live-in basis for a number of reasons, the main one being that their relationship is really quite new to be bringing in a second slave. I'm glad I went ahead and came for the visit because I've gotten a taste of Gor (which I feel more than ever is not for me) and poly (which, at least in the experience I've had is not for me) and M/s, which I do still want to experience with a strong and mature Master with whom I truly connect, and this may take some time to find. Thanks again for all of your thoughtful responses. I can't say I'm surprised, given your original post, that you did not find it to be your cuppa tea.[:)] I have to say I respect the fact that you were willing to explore it. I know I said I wouldn't but I do know there are situations in which my primary thought might be "No!" that would, on further consideration, become "Yes...you can't just automatically say No to everything just because you think you won't like it." Not in all things but at least some. That way I don't become a rigid dominant...at least not in terms of thought (rimshot, please?). While someone might be able to say "You didn't give it enough of a chance", you can return their response with a polite "Maybe not...but I did give it a chance." Good luck on your search...

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 6:24:07 PM)
Lifestyles come and go. Relationships that you can build a significant segment of your life on are rare... to click with someones that well is something that can never be replaced, should you find it. You may enter other intimate relationships, but if you find the right relationship, it will always hold a special place for you, even if it does not last forever. I never thought I'd be able to handle Gor, but the man who brought me into this life was something that many say does not exist -- he was my "true master", as I was his "true slave". At the same time, he was an exceptional Companion to SR. For me, He could command, where no other has been able to before or since. (I do have to clarify something -- "true" was not a measure against others -- but a measure of how we meshed with one another...) When he died, I had no real interest in Gor any longer, nor in finding another master -- it worked out well... I served until I finished moving up in our household, and now I teach. The philosophies of honor and self-expression that Gor allowed us to express here, we've since found other ways to express. It didn't matter that he called himself "Gorean", what mattered was that what he commanded, I -wanted- to do for him. If the relationship is right, everything else can work itself out. ZWD

enigmabrat -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 7:29:53 PM)
Im glad that you listend to your heart on this one and didnt let the expectations or wants of the other 2 involved dictate your choice you need to be true to you and be happy

ShreveportMaster -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 7:30:46 PM)
Tal and greetings, sapphire, Gor is most certainly not for everyone. If it does not call to something deep inside you, then you would be absolutely miserable trying to follow it's philosophies. One of the tenets of Gorean thought is reality, taking something as it truly is, and not trying to squint behind rose colored glasses to make it look like something we want it to be. you mentioned reading the Gorean forums here, I have seen you online there several times. If you would like to learn more of the philosophies of Gor, it is by and large an excellent place to begin one's studies. you might want o pop in and read My 10 Commandments of Gor thread for a small overview of the basics tenets of Gorean thought. And you are welcome to e-mail if you have any questions. I'm sorry it did not turn out for you, keep your chin up, it takes time. I wish you luck in your search, and in your studies, wherever they may lead you. I wish you well, Shreve

enigmabrat -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 7:37:19 PM)
ok I have to ask.... since you were p[laning on liveing with tem with a co ntract and what have you and go to school there what are you going to do now now that you arent planning on liveing with them and takeing the contract are you still going to school there do you have another place to live??

TolerableCruelty -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/20/2006 7:51:19 PM)
On a side note to Shreves', Bladewings', and maedhbhDdTs' posts.... which were all excellent, btw.... I would have to testify that contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be "Gorean" to serve a Gorean Man. LadiesBladewing stated this quite clearly, also. My girl beth knows about the equivalent of a teaspoon of knowledge when it comes to the "ocean" of Gor. She's been here, served, and done a wonderful job for the last 5 months now. If this guy that you were going to meet had it as a prerequistite that "all girls must come to Gor" in order to serve in his house.... fine, whatever floats his boat... but I'd have to question his judgement, personally... because many girls can serve just fine without having to be "Gorean" themselves, and it sounds like he may have passed up on a potentially good one. Though you are better off knowing that its not going to work out now, rather than later... at least his version of living as a Gorean and being poly... well wishes, T.R.

sapphirepleasure -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/21/2006 6:58:31 AM)
Thanks for the follow-up posts. I'll answer a few questions. First, to enigmabrat: I'm not certain what I'm going to do about my plans for school (teaching and taking classes part-time towards a PhD) now that my living situation/Master situation has fallen apart. I am torn between going ahead and finding a place to live on my own and staying in Georgia with my interim (training) dom and looking for a new situation that suits me better. I'm really rather confused at this point so when I return home tomorrow I'll have some hard decisions to make. I appreciate all the comments about Gor from Ladiesbladewing, Shreve, TC and maede. I have learned a lot about it in the forums and in this prospective situation. It really wasn't shoved down my throat and I won't entirely rule out serving a Gorean Master in the future. I won't seek it out nor will I rule it out. Thanks again for all of your input during this challenging time. I am hopeful of finding a new path that feels right and good. sapphire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/21/2006 7:19:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo If you can't get his lifestyle then that isn't the right relationship for you. It would be like someone liking me as a person but then wanting a high protocol or monogamous lifestyle that I can't offer. The more things in common you have, the better your rate of success will be. I thought you said the problem was lack of love. If they loved eachother enough, none of this would be a problem.

genvieve -> RE: Which Comes 1st: Dom or Lifestyle? (6/23/2006 1:54:22 PM)
i agree with MistressLorelei. Research the lifestyle first. If you can't click with the lifestyle and the Dominant isn't willing to bend for you, then you shouldn't be around. However, keep in mind that there's a huge difference between struggling to grow and learn in the situation, and just plain not being able to live the life. Be very honest with yourself on what you can and cannot handle. -nods- And maybe ask Him to accept you on a trial basis. -smiles Good luck with your endeavor.

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