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doubt? - 4/23/2012 11:08:01 AM   
chrisvirginslave


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/18/2012
Status: offline 		have any of you ever had serious doubts what your gonna do to someone is gonna be ok? or have changed you mind about playing with someone? if so why?
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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 11:17:55 AM   
Ilayda


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/3/2011
Status: offline 		If I had a serious doubt that what I was going to do to someone was going to be "okay" in that I wasn't certain they'd come out of it healthy, I wouldn't do it. Period. If I doubted they'd be okay with it, I'd wait until we could discuss it.

(in reply to chrisvirginslave)
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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 11:31:39 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		1. I would not do something that would injure someone. Hurt them maybe, after all I can be sadistic, but not injure them.

2. As for them being okay with it limit-wise, emotionally and otherwise, I always discuss and negotiate before any play takes place. I won't do it any other way. I discuss and negotiate things almost to death before doing them.

3. I have thought about playing with someone but, after negotiating and discussing, decided it would be best not to. However, I did not plan on playing already, it was just a maybe depending on how the discussion/negotiation turned out.

NBMG

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(in reply to Ilayda)
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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 11:31:52 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

have changed you mind about playing with someone? if so why?


Yes, the guy I mentioned on your other thread who lives for caning. I need more of build up and variety. Pure caning doesn't work for me.

(in reply to chrisvirginslave)
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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 11:53:27 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilayda

If I had a serious doubt that what I was going to do to someone was going to be "okay" in that I wasn't certain they'd come out of it healthy, I wouldn't do it. Period. If I doubted they'd be okay with it, I'd wait until we could discuss it.


This.

I don't play outside of a relationship. I am not into topping just for the sake of topping. So that all being said, I am not going to 'do something' to someone, I don't already know pretty fucking well. As for changing my mind.......I may have in my head that I am going to do xyz but when the moment comes, I decide to do abc instead. In my life I plan as little as possible. Making schedules, planning, to-do lists, that's not fun for me. BDSM is supposed to be fun.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 12:40:38 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		1. Doubts about an activity: Of course. That's why we do research. As the Dom/me, it is my responsibility to be on top of things. If I have doubts about an activity, it doesn't happen.

2. Doubts about a person being ok: A lot of times, people want to think they're going to react a certain way when fact is, they just don't know. Which is fine, but it's still my job to know and be on top of it.

3. Changing my mind about playing with someone: Sadly this happens more frequently than I'd like. Someone who seems fine and above board all the way through the initial chat and coffee shop meet, then somehow or another sets off a bunch of red flags. It comes down to honesty and attitude. I can accept a certain degree of privacy protection. You don't want to tell a stranger your name or where you work, you lie a little about your age, fair enough. But some things should not be lied about. Experience, for one, and interest intentions. Also, things that I clearly don't care about-- since I wasn't going to judge you for it, why did you lie? Relationship status is another big one. I don't care if you have someone or not, I care that you are honest and open about it, and I care if I like them enough to accept you.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 12:44:45 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave

have any of you ever had serious doubts what your gonna do to someone is gonna be ok? or have changed you mind about playing with someone? if so why?


No to all of it, but I'm extremely careful and picky about who I play with. I develop relationships long before I play with anyone-- I do my best to know them as well as I can. If I think I might even get close to the questions you've asked -- I won't go there.

I have regretted, though not strongly, playing with someone once.. who I'd known for many years... still know.. because what was meant to be a one off casual play scene turned into much more for them after the fact. They followed me around like a puppy dog and called me constantly for awhile... If I'd known that before hand, I would not have played with them.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to chrisvirginslave)
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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 4:36:20 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I did one scene that I shouldn't have...it was boring as fuck for both of us. Isn't that ever so much worse than danger?

I've halted scenes or refused to play if the other party was intoxicated, seemed unwell, or annoyed me. No doubts required.

I'm the TOP. It's my job to know what I'm doing and be in charge. It's not in my nature to do a bad or slipshod job.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: doubt? - 4/23/2012 10:19:00 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		I haven't had doubts.

My partners and I exchange and negotiate checklists before any scenes commence. He may not know or particularly LIKE what I choose to do, but he knows it will be something from the "I consent to this activity like it or not" list.

The only time a scene was interrupted was when a partner accidentally shifted in his bonds while I was inserting a sound; it entered too deeply too quickly. Though unhurt, he was so startled and nervous I thought it best to stop for the evening and provide aftercare.

After that incident, I knew the idea of them severely pushed his comfort level. We debriefed at length about what happened. I thought he would add sounds to his hard limit list, but he didn't. I mentioned that from now on, any possible transgressions would be met with sounding as a disciplinary measure. I never sounded him again, but when he was cranky I found threatening him with it triggered strict and immediate obedience, especially when he saw me pulling a few sounds from their leather case and laying them out on the tray with the other instruments.

(in reply to chrisvirginslave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: doubt? - 4/24/2012 7:45:31 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not going to put it in the terminology of "serious doubts".  Instead, I'll say that I've had some doubts creep up on Me when I was learning certain types of play and doing them on My own the first few times.  Fire play was a really good example of this.  You can be confident of what you have learned and what you've done with someone standing beside you, but when you are doing it yourself, you know the things that can go wrong and they are your responsibility.  I think that fits a number of types of play.

I've had some instances when I've decided not to play with someone.  Keep in mind, I'm talking about casual S/m play on this.  One reason was the person was diabetic and nervous about the play party that night, so didn't eat anything.  Another was that the other person had a level of sexuality connected to the play that I wasn't comfortable with.  Time is often a factor for Me on this one because I just don't always have enough time to play with everybody who has asked Me to top them on a particular night.  Usually, it's more the situational stuff, rather than the person that I'm dealing with.




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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: doubt? - 4/25/2012 7:15:04 PM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilayda

If I had a serious doubt that what I was going to do to someone was going to be "okay" in that I wasn't certain they'd come out of it healthy, I wouldn't do it. Period. If I doubted they'd be okay with it, I'd wait until we could discuss it.


What more need be said because she said it all... I agree....

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There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to Ilayda)
Profile   Post #: 11
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