RE: Manners

RE: Manners (Full Version)

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Karmastic -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 11:46:18 AM)
i really didn't understand the vitriol and anger shown towards OP. i can relate, if i spent the time to read someone's profile, and try to understand them, then write an email tailored to responding to them. it can be disappointing! but of course i take no as no, as well as no answer as no. re fucktoyprincess below, i had no idea that answering to say no results in what you described below. i think your post, as usual, was very nice and took the time to explain another perspective, and makes total sense. same for angelikaJ, as usual, thank you for being nice to newcomers and explaining the 411. quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess While I understand in the general sense that it would be polite to respond to e-mail, I think on the Internet, it is safe to conclude that a non-response is essentially a "no". Trust me, they have seen, and possibly even read your note. But they have also concluded that they are not interested (for whatever reason - and that is their prerogative). And the problem with responding to every e-mail is that time, at the end of the day, is limited, and I would rather spend my time corresponding with those who seem more likely to be a match. If people who send e-mails really understood "no" means "no" it might make more sense for me to e-mail a no response, but that is rarely the case. When I send polite "thanks, but no thanks" type e-mails, people always try to convince me that I should at least correspond with them a little longer before reaching that conclusion. So my general approach to sites like this is to only respond to an e-mail if I really want the correspondence to continue. Otherwise, I end up exchanging multiple e-mails just to say "no" and that just seems a huge waste of everyone's time (not to mention much more rude in my mind to start questioning someone's decision - we are each entitled to make whatever decision we want here when an e-mail comes our way.) Consider a non-response a very gentle "no", and simply move on...[sm=2cents.gif]

ResidentSadist -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 11:51:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Carl71 When someone is good enough to write to you nicely have the decency to at least read it and thank them if nothing else. It is so rude for people just to delete a message unread or not to reply. So come on everyone show some manners to others here. Tell that to the 18yo fresh meat with DD cups that gets a hundreds of letters at once. Now I agree that manners are everything... and even a form letter response would show great care and empathy, but I also empathize with anyone that is deluged with spam from snerts and just filters their male deleting those that fall outside their interests. If manners are an expression of consideration for others, then you need to consider and people you write to and respect their choices in dealing with their mail.

angelikaJ -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 11:59:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ I think you are likely unaware of how it is for the women on CM who receive emails such as yours and so I thought it might be nice of me to try and explain. I think that's crucial, actually. Polite men here quite often have no idea what a lot of other men can be like when they make contact. I was that way myself, at one time. It was quite a revelation when I found out. Carl, CM isn't the same as real life. In the latter, you act in a polite sort of way to a woman, she'll respond in kind. At CM, though, I'm afraid your message will very often just get lost in the vulgar noise. A woman's Inbox here will all too frequently look like a wall covered with graffiti. Your comment could be of the level of a Shakespearean sonnet, but it might not stick out amongst all the 'I want to fuck you so hard!'s that the average woman here will get on her 'wall'. You forgot some of our initial email favorites: "Kneel bitch" "Call me Master now." Etc.

OsideGirl -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:02:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ Let me provide you with some additional information: when a majority of men get the "Thanks, but no thanks." reply, they often become indignant and sometimes even hostile or verbally abusive. So quite often experience has taught women on the other side (this is collarchat) that a reply just is not worth the trouble if they are not interested. My profile says that "Just here for forums". Guys STILL email me thinking they're the exception to that rule, which I think is arrogant. When I explain that I'm happily married and really just here for the forums. I get called fat, ugly and old. I get guys that tell me that the don't care if I'm married. I get guys that want me to keep them in mind....because I'm positive that if my 12 year relationship died tomorrow, the first thing I'd be thinking of is some asswipe on the internet. So, yeah, I tend to not respond. If you have an issue with that I suggest you speak with your fellow men.

angelikaJ -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:23:04 PM)
An addition to my first post on this thread: Also. in the event you actually might have stumbled across someone who does actually answer all of her cmails, please have patience. It takes a long time to answer twenty cmails. It takes even longer to answer 2, 4 or five times that amount.

TNDommeK -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:26:29 PM)
This is all true. There was once that I felt people were rude when that happened to Me. And usually the only reason I would write is because I saw something in their journal I wanted to comment on or in their profile. But I later got over that bc I did the exact same thing. I hover over the email, if it isn't sounding like what I want to hear, I never read it fully and delete. My profile states Pro and as much hate journals as there are on cm about us, I STILL a large number of emails every single day. So no worries, just go to the next.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:28:41 PM)
You may have 'over 20 years experience' in BDSM, but you don't know squat about writing a profile that will appeal to your target audience. There is absolutely nothing attractive there outlining what you and your partner have to offer a unicorn, who is in such great demand she can cherry-pick couples 'til kingdom come and STILL have hundreds or thousands of excellent offers. If I was a sub looking to join a couple, I wouldn't answer you either. If you continue to get ignored, ask what you might be doing wrong in your presentation. ETA: Your profile states: 'She will do what she is told willingly with no discussion or arguments. If this interests you and you want to know more message me.' If WHAT interests her? There's nothing there but some random edict from a complete random stranger, so why in the world would she bother to message you to know more? She has an infinite number of attractive profiles that clearly state who each person in the couple is, usually with photos of both, that provide a good outline of what they offer a member of their household.

DommesLesEnigma -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:39:18 PM)
For the few sincere emails that fit my criteria. I would say triple that is, people who don't read profiles, those that don't fit the criteria of my profile, phonies that only want something to jerk off to, all out phonies, those who want online fantasy, and those that feel like they are the only one worth me responding back to (who send angry emails because I didn't respond to them). I don't have the time to reply to all that and neither would I if I did. I reply to the ones that interest me. Why should I reply to someone else that obviously didn't take the time to read my profile to find out what I am looking for, or completely ignore it?

RumpusParable -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:41:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Carl71 When someone is good enough to write to you nicely have the decency to at least read it and thank them if nothing else. It is so rude for people just to delete a message unread or not to reply. So come on everyone show some manners to others here. I suppose you send a thank you note to all the credit card ads you get in the mail, too. Oh, also all the viagra and other spam emails you get.

DomMeinCT -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:55:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Carl71 Thank you for your reply. I normally only post to people who match my criteria and that I match theirs. Occasionally I do post out of these if it is someone I think is worth contacting. However it is the ones with matching criteria that generally don't reply or just delete without reading. I agree that some people don't go by matches and contact anyone - that is extremely annoying but at least read their message and say 'thank you but not interested'. You contact those that YOU BELIEVE match your criteria, but their silence is clear that they don't agree. I rip up half the mail I get each day in my post box. Why would it be any different here? Just because you put out the effort to contact someone does not in any way obligate them to respond to you. It's you who needs to change your expectations - only you can change things about you - because you'll never change the behavior of strangers.

MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 12:59:53 PM)
I make it clear on my profile what kind of messages are welcome. But you know what? I still get messages from people who clearly have not read my profile and don´t fit the bill. So they might think that they have been perfectly polite but they don´t get an answer. Suck it up, Carl, you´re not the etiquette expert.

Delilya -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 1:02:23 PM)
I used to answer them with a thank you. However that came back to bite me on the ass time after time. I got tired of the extremely rude, crude and socially unacceptable emails that were then returned. The same men that will write begging you to let them be the exception (IF they read your profile at all, which most don't) will then call you every name in the book. Who needs the negativity?

FrostedFlake -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 1:08:11 PM)
Thank you, Carl, for your unsolicited, condescending, presumptuous, self centered appraisal of everyone elses manners. Happy?

MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 1:08:54 PM)
Would you believe it, I just checked my messages and there was one (that didn´t even address me by name) asking if I could check his profile and tell him what was wrong with it. Why would I answer that? No time, deleted unread. Besides, I don´t recall stating anywhere that I offer a free profile-reviewing service.

JeffBC -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 1:40:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Karmastic i really didn't understand the vitriol and anger shown towards OP. Well, I can speak to mine. It's pretty straight-forward. I didn't solicit his input on my manners. He's not my father and even if he was, I'm a bit too old for his condescending attitude. His "20 years of experience" obviously didn't teach him much judging by both his post and this profile. In short, I think he was a rude asshat and I happen to be grumpy today. I'd say FrostedFlake's thank you response pretty much summed up my thoughts also.

PeonForHer -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 1:52:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl So, yeah, I tend to not respond. If you have an issue with that I suggest you speak with your fellow men. Just because we all have dicks, it doesn't mean we men all frequent the same worldwide club, OG. I probably feel about as much connection with men who do 'graffiti cmails' as most women here feel with the duck-face-pulling, money-grabbing girls who 'flip the bird' in their profile photos. That's to say: I don't know them, don't relate to them and can't understand them.

DarkSteven -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 2:10:42 PM)
Carl, there are basically three kinds of profiles here: men, women, and couples. We men get hardly any messages, and most of them are spam from gorgeous women overseas. Couples get even fewer messages. Women get flooded. Because you get no messages to speak of, you have a tendency to think of that as a reasonable expectation. Some of the women here get dozens of messages each day, and they're simply a chore to deal with.

LaTigresse -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 2:11:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Karmastic i really didn't understand the vitriol and anger shown towards OP. Well, I can speak to mine. It's pretty straight-forward. I didn't solicit his input on my manners. He's not my father and even if he was, I'm a bit too old for his condescending attitude. His "20 years of experience" obviously didn't teach him much judging by both his post and this profile. In short, I think he was a rude asshat and I happen to be grumpy today. I'd say FrostedFlake's thank you response pretty much summed up my thoughts also. I can only echo what Mr Grumpypants said........except I am not grumpy.

Alecta -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 2:47:16 PM)
Obviously you're overlooking some aspect or another of their criteria and are unable to hold their interest for whatever reason. Just move on. When you hover your mouse over a message, you can read the first few lines, so "deleting without reading" is not always true.

JeffBC -> RE: Manners (4/24/2012 2:52:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I can only echo what Mr Grumpypants said........except I am not grumpy. Well heck. At least I got "Mr Grumpypants" capitalized which, as we all know, is the sure sign of respect.

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