My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (Full Version)

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SternSkipper -> My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/28/2012 8:15:29 PM)

Kimmel was a riot ... And so was the President and there was a lot of material... so if I paraphrase a little, my apologies... and I am sure the Video of the Romney Commercial they spoofed will be on youtube tomorrow (think pet carrier and air force one).

There were so many good ones ... Owner, shame on you for not telling us Christie had renamed Jersey to be called "The Olive Garden State"

Secret Service - Jimmy said that he had a BUNCH of Secret Service material and he offered to trim most of it out for $800.00 but they only offered $30.00

Rush Limbaugh - Jimmy said that Rush Limbaugh had a reason why he called Sandra Fluke a slut. Percocet.

You know what the difference between Bill Maher and Rush Limbaugh is?
The people who listen to Bill Maher KNOW he's an asshole.

I can't think of any more right now, but there was a whole load of material
There was plenty of great dog material.

If you remember any or there were any that you enjoyed in particular.. Please, by all means post them.






SternSkipper -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/28/2012 8:20:13 PM)

Tim Mak of Politico's favorite 18:By TIM MAK |4/28/12 10:53 PM EDT

1. To Obama: "I know you won't be able to laugh at my jokes about the Secret Service. Please cover your ears, if that's physically possible."

2. "If you told me when I was a kid I would be standing on a dais with President Barack Obama, I would have said, 'The president's name is Barack Obama?'"

3. "Remember when the country rallied around you in hopes of a better tomorrow? That was hilarious."

4. "Democrats would like you to stick to your guns. And if you don't have any guns, you can ask Eric Holder to get some for you."

5. "They say diplomacy is a matter of carrot and sticks, and since Michelle Obama got to the White House — so is dinner."

6. Kimmel to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie: "I think you're misunderstanding New Jersey's slogan. It's not the Olive Garden state."

7. "You'd recognize Jay Carney as the white guy from the LensCrafters commercial."

8. "Where are the CNN tables? Are the CNN tables real tables or virtual tables?"

9. "Did Rupert Murdoch hack into all my jokes already?"

10. "Last week we learned that the president's two favorite steaks are: ribeye and seeing-eye."

11. "Sully, will you do us a favor? Will you drive Lindsay Lohan home? Just make sure you don't run into a goose, and make sure it isn't a gray goose"

12. "Eric Cantor can’t be here tonight, he’s at the gym working on his gavel arm." (Cantor was, in fact, at the dinner.)

13. On Mitt Romney: "You can't have a beer with him, because he doesn't drink. You can't have a cup of coffee with him, because he can't have caffeine. You can't even play Monopoly with him because he keeps trying to put the dog on the car."

14. "It's great to see the Gingriches here, because that means the check cleared."

15. "Supercommittees are to committees what Supercuts are to hair cuts."

16. "I'd like everyone to look under their seats. You'll find a copy of Keith Olbermann's resume."

17. "It doesn't matter if you're black, like President Obama, or white, like President Obama, or red, like President Obama's agenda."

18. On those who want to attack Iran: "They're a bunch of yahoos, and Netanyahus."



truckinslave -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/28/2012 8:48:21 PM)

Thanks; I thought all were good and some were superb.
That Olberman line had to leave a mark....



SternSkipper -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/28/2012 8:54:24 PM)

quote:

Thanks; I thought all were good and some were superb.
That Olberman line had to leave a mark....


I still think the best one in recent memory was the Colbert performance though. Hard to top that one.



Owner59 -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/28/2012 9:34:39 PM)

The hot mic jokes were good.


And the wink, after he recalled where his folks were born......and I of course......was born in Hawaii......<winks>......lol!



Owner59 -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/28/2012 9:44:10 PM)

Jimmie Kimmel got his start on "The Man Show".......in Washington.....that`s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception......





Mitt and I have a lot in common......I have a degree from Harvard......he has two......what a snob!



Lucylastic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 6:46:02 AM)

Whats the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull
The pitbull tastes delicious



TheHeretic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 12:04:01 PM)

Perhaps the President should have blamed the, 'pitbulls are delicious.' joke on Jake Tapper?



Lucylastic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 12:30:47 PM)

he mentioned a penchant for soy sauce with his pitbull...
The latest joke is Michelle walking in on him stirring Bo in a pan, and says "Barack I said WALK the dog"




TheHeretic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 12:43:01 PM)

Lucy, I appreciate my President's sense of humor, and will even make the joke myself about our big lab being earthquake supplies, but it's one of those jokes you know is going to squick people. It didn't go over well with the audience. I think he'd have done much better addressing the thing as having conditioned him for Michelle making him eat his vegetables.



Lucylastic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 12:45:55 PM)

Yeah well Im enough of a sick bitch to have appreciated his pitbull joke after all the BS over him eating dog as a child and the rampant stupidity of some of the comments Ive read regarding his"inhumanity" LOL... It covered it wonderfully.



TheHeretic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 2:15:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

It covered it wonderfully.




Did you read a transcript, Lucy, or did you watch/listen to a recording? The reaction from the audience to that whole riff says, "no, it did not cover it wonderfully." Those jokes bombed.



Lucylastic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 2:21:22 PM)

I watched the one at the whitehouse site...its 16 minutes, I havent seen the transcript. as I said, I am sick enough to have gotton a laugh from it hon...its just my opinion:)



TheHeretic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 2:27:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

I watched the one at the whitehouse site...its 16 minutes, I havent seen the transcript. as I said, I am sick enough to have gotton a laugh from it hon...its just my opinion:)



So that's you thinking it was funny, plus me, and about seven others who were in the audience at the ballroom.

He should have blamed that joke on Jake Tapper (as Kimmel did, with his bombs - watch that one, too)

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2012/04/28/jimmy_kimmel_headlines_2012_white_house_correspondents_dinner.html



servantforuse -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 2:52:47 PM)

He is so funny. Maybe he should resign and go on the comedy club tour. He could open for Michael Richards.



Lucylastic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 3:19:06 PM)

In four years, we might find out



Yachtie -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 3:54:25 PM)

fr

The jokes bombed. It's going to be a long year.



Lucylastic -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 4:04:24 PM)

A critics site called DEADLINE???
LMFAO yeah thats important information
thanks!



Owner59 -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 6:11:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

he mentioned a penchant for soy sauce with his pitbull...
The latest joke is Michelle walking in on him stirring Bo in a pan, and says "Barack I said WALK the dog"




He mentioned the dog thing alot.......it had to hurt....lol......especially the "pro" Mitt ad..... calling for dogs to ride free in the air(lol)...not couped up in some government run car...... like Obama`s dog....[:D]

Why the Mitts started trying to bash the president today...............over him eating some dog meat at 10 years is just bizarre.

ESPECIALLY after Mitt`s handling of his own dog problems.What was Mitt putting in his mouth 40 years ago?[8D]



I don`t know if the Mitts know it or not,(I hope not,FWIW)but most folks are going to see Mitt`s fake dog outrage as transparent.


At one point ......the president used the "man bites dog" cliche but said instead......boy bites dog.......lol



alwayssummer -> RE: My Favortite Jokes From the White House Press Dinner 2012 (4/29/2012 7:19:02 PM)

Colbert set the bar pretty high... congratulating Bush re: Iraq for "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." ... downright courageous at the time. Colbert just confronted David Koch at a TIME Awards dinner similarly. eg."Tell David Koch if you like your waiter, he'll make him your next Congressman"...
The funnest part of Colbert's routine was that it was hilarious before Colbert even opened his mouth; the clueless Bush White House
approved Colbert hosting thinking he was one of "them."

There were lots of good zingers last night. Michelle's dress was also gorgeous.
My favorite moment of the evening was when Kimmel asked the audience, "Raise your hand if you've never smoked pot "
In that audience of the famous and powerful...celebs,dignitaries, moguls, pols. press... very,very few hands went up in response. That still photo would make a terrific poster re: the hypocrisy of the War on Drugs.

I remember best Obama's jokes on his "scandals" and travails.
Re: The GSA "Not even a mind reader could have predicted that.,.."
Re:Columbia " Hilary won't stop drunk texting me from Cartenega"
RE: the site of the banquet "We wanted to hold it (elsewhere), the Republicans wanted it at the Hilton. We compromised and
chose the Hilton."




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