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General Question - 5/8/2012 7:38:15 AM

botar19

Posts: 1
Status: offline

For subs:
How did you find your mistress/master? I've been trying to get going in this lifestyle, but I just can't find anyone to join me.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 8:10:20 AM

luxInferior

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2012
Status: offline

I think the answer to this question depends on whether you're looking to get into a relationship or just looking for a play partner?

I've never tried just looking for a Mistress to dominate me. I just met a girl in a vanilla place, mutual attraction and things in common blah blah blah. Her personality was naturally dominant, which I always find attractive.
I'm a big fan of just being honest and open, so when it got physical between us I just tried a few things during sex that I hoped would appeal to her dominant side to see if she liked it. She did! She's never explored anything too kinky, and I opened her eyes to something that really fitted with her sadistic urges and aforementioned natural dominance. She realised she loves being a Mistress and we've never looked back.

I think there's plenty of women out there who don't class themselves as a Domme, but are just waiting to find the right guy/circumstances to bring it out in them if it's there.
So maybe that's one approach?

The honesty part is so important when it comes to getting into a relationship. If you hide your submissive desires and then try to introduce what you are passionately into later on and your partner isn't too into it, you're going to be either compromising or making a tough decision at some point and you're going to risk hurting/getting hurt. There seems to be heaps of people in that situation all over the internet. Just be upfront about what you like from the get-go.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 8:28:44 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I had profiles on cm, bondage dot com, fetlife and informedconsent (a UK site). I got involved in the local community and met a lot of people. I learned a lot about how bdsm relationships work and the kinds of things I needed and the kinds of things that were hard limits.

Then I dated. People I met at events, people I met on all these different sites. First a coffee date, then onto a more 'relationship' level if the chemistry was there.

It took me 8 years, but I found Master 2 years ago through cm.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 9:11:07 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I met him years ago at bondage.com back when they had free email. I wouldn't recommend the site now because they charge for stuff.

However it's easier for a sub woman to find a dom than for a submale to find a domme. I recommend you go to Ask A Mistress and read through all the different threads. Especially the sticky.

Since there are so many more male subs than dommes, they aren't going to settle for less than they want. They can get their kink scratched any day of the week. You need to appeal to them as a person, which requires you first viewing them as people, and not kink delivery systems. Unfortunately that's what they usually get from new male subs.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 11:34:30 AM

AngelOfSilence

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/8/2012
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Yellow pages

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 11:35:17 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I met Master right here on CM. I put up a profile no luck for a year. then he e amiled me asking wheer in NI i was i replied we werer close. Here we are more then 6 yeats later. My idea for you thosgh is find a munch go to it. Meet people you never know what will happen. If nothing else you will make new friends.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 11:41:53 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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It took me 8 years to find him or more like he found me. It was worth the wait.

We met here on collarme with just late night chats about just everyday life stuff.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 3:34:39 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I think submissives find their counterparts in the same places Doms do so I will comment on this.

Over the years I have found as many partners in lifestyle oriented events like munches, dungeon parties and conventions a I have in grocery stores and gas stations. As mentioned in replies already, getting involved in the local community is good idea. When I made it known I was seeking, friends in the community have introduced me to some wonderful partners.

I have also found a couple of very nice partners online. A couple of them right here on CM.

Old fashioned protocols like a referral can be very effective. At the suggestion of an online friend, I went to the Orlando munch with the sole purpose of meeting a new partner. I was extremely busy in my business life and did not have time to go on endless dates and interviews. My friend offered to introduce me around in Orlando (I was from the Tampa area). So I went to their munch, went to the after parties, made new friends and in particular, I made friends with a Mistress that offered to help me with my quest. The deal was I would finance a party in her dungeon and she would put the word out and invite all the locals. I bought the food and booze for 3 days and met at least a 100 people... one of which became my new slave. It took 3 days (and we had some great parties). She was with me for many years. Well worth the investment.

The point is, if you know yourself and what you want then set your mind to it, you can find a suitable partner in no time. I often find it takes longer for people to learn what they need than it does to get what they need once they know what it is.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 4:12:33 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

We met at a BDSM event. It was a week long camping trip. He had driven 550 miles from Montana with a group of friends to attend. I lived about 80 miles from where the event took place.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 5:30:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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I met my sub at a spanking party. We chatted, played, chatted some more, and then exchanged usernames.

My previous subs were found online at cm and at a spanking site.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 6:11:45 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
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I met my Master through a friend of mine in a totally platonic and "vanilla" context. We quickly hit it off as friends and meshed incredibly well together. Mutual attraction soon developed. He expressed his interest. We've been together ever since. The M/s dynamic just developed and progressed naturally on its own, the undertones and foundation were always there between us. I got lucky, I think, because I inadvertently found exactly what I wanted and needed with him.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 6:57:37 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

I'll let you know. ;)

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 7:52:12 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

We were introduced by mutual friends at a social and became platonic friends.

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RE: General Question - 5/8/2012 10:12:50 PM

Soyokaze

Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
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Of the three relationships (is always Mistress/sub for me) I've been in, one of them I met at a munch and things went from there. One of them I sent a rather involved message to on collarme and after a great deal of back and forth moved cross country to be with them. One of them messaged me on collarme and after a great deal of discussion things settled into a relationship. They were in that order and the first two were actually poly. The second one was actually with a TV too. All of them failed in the end.

< Message edited by Soyokaze -- 5/8/2012 10:13:32 PM >

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RE: General Question - 5/9/2012 7:08:26 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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I found my first one on AOL by looking at profiles until I saw one I liked. After that, I went to munches and events and met others.

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RE: General Question - 5/9/2012 7:58:00 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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I met mine here. We dated, hit it off, and have had 3+ years together so far.

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RE: General Question - 5/9/2012 5:00:23 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I had good luck meeting partners here. Then I started looking for Relationship Guy and found M on OKCupid.

It's easier for women to hook up online. You're 30 miles from NYC - start going to BDSM events.

ps - your profile is all about your penis. Add vanilla stuff and kill the cock shots.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 5/9/2012 5:02:48 PM >

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