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BitaTruble -> RE: submissive does NOT equal doormat!!! (5/11/2012 12:52:00 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hisfungrl
Does being submissive mean you have to lay down and take S&@% from A/anyone? NO...absolutely not. Being submissive doesn't mean you are a doormat, or you are spineless. In fact, some of my "subbie" friends are as fiesty as any i know. i think it's sometimes a misconception when new to the lifestyle, especially for new and un-owned subs...and even more so when confronted with a a Dom/me.
Learning to say "no" and even "back off" are two of the things i try to impart to newer members of our community. Its one thing to be in a commited relationship with a Dom/me and have an understanding of behavior...it's a totally different story for every dominant out there to expect you to "take it lying down" so to speak (pardon the pun)...
This does not mean being a "bratty" sub is something i subscribe to...i find it disrespectful and attention seeking.
Would love to hear your thoughts everyone...
It's sort of like that first day on the job. You're the 'new' guy, not sure of who anyone is, what the heirarchy is.. who has the real power (btw: the real power in the office ALWAYS belongs to the guy who orders the office supplies.. [;)]) Let's face it.. the janitor can hand you a stack of papers and tell you to go file them and you're not going to know the difference between him and the CEO so what do you do? First day on the job, you go file. When you find out it was just the janitor, you get mad, maybe a little embarrased, but you don't, generally, fall for it the second time.
The only thing you are sure of as a new submissive, one who is just falling into the BDSM vats, is that you are, mostly definitely, not the one in charge in this new realm. It's pretty natural to conclude that if you are starting off exploring the 's' side, the 'd' side is the one that's going to say jump so, at first, any 'd' type will do. To the new 's', 'd's' are quite fungible in the beginning because you don't know what you don't know. It's actually more an insult to the 'd' if you think about it.. the fleshy conduit to bring a fantasy to life. Personality's stay away, other interests need not apply. I mean, if someone is willing to jump for just anyone.. that sort of says a little something about them as well.
Overall, though, unless you are already in a relationship with your potential d (whole different kettle of fish when you are taking an established relationship somewhere else) I don't think that jumping when The Authority speaks for the first time is irrational.
Generally getting burned by a match or two straightens that shit out lickity split and the new 's' becomes the wise 's' in fairly short order. I don't worry unduly about new s types. I figure one of two things will happen.. they will run screaming or, eventually, find their bliss even if they don't find their mate for a good long while or at all. Those who stay and manage to find their toes pointed in a particular BDSM or D/s direction take many forms with many names and there is usually an 'odd' out there for everyone's 'ball' and don't those two things fit together in lovely fashion!
Newbies (any gender, any orientation) are going to live and learn in spite of our gallant efforts to teach. [;)] For those who can learn by 'listening', a forum post may help, so I'm cool with it. For those who learn from experience.. eh, probably won't help as much.. they'll need one of those matchsticks. On a very, very rare occasion, things work out exactly right the first time and no lesson needs to be learned other than nothing is as underrated as plain ol' dumb luck.
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