RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive?

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/14/2012 3:31:04 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlegirl713
Is it possible to simply stop being submissive

I did. I first started having switchy feelings and then I realized my submissive feelings had disappeared and I was all Domme. So, yeah, I did it. But I didn't try to force it, it just happened naturally over time. But if you are asking can someone go back to vanilla, I can't answer for anyone else, but the answer for me is no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Well, NiceButMeanGirl is the poster child for that. She was a sub for years and then got these Domly feelings inside her. They kept getting stronger, and now she's a full-blown Domme. But this was due to her self-realizing - it's not something she forced.

This. ^^^^ Thanks DarkSteven.

Hugs.

NBMG

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/14/2012 4:38:16 PM

LafayetteLady

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From: Northern New Jersey
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~Fast Reply ~

Being dominant or submissive is not like trying to change your sexuality. It is something you can stop doing if you really want to. I'm a switch, so obviously there are times when I am submissive and times when I am dominant, purely situational.

For some people they would rather give up the love of their life, their soul mate than give up the kink. That's them. You are you and only you can decide what is right for you. For me, for the love of my life, my soul mate, I would give up anything other than my kid and my cats.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/18/2012 10:53:25 AM

MasterAutarch

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Joined: 3/6/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlegirl713
... but he does not have a single dominant bone in his body. I have always been submissive, and I love being dominated and humiliated. I've tried to encourage him to be more in control, but he just can't do it, and when he tries, I don't believe him because I know that isn't who he is and that he is only putting on a front for me.

It sounds like the issue here is not that he is not willing to try but that you don't view him as a Dom when he does. His viewpoint of you as someone he cares for and social training may be interfering as well. That creates a catch 22. He can't be a Dom to you if you don't really believe and express you want it and you can't accept him as a Dom because your own expectation/fantasy is that a Dom will "take" what he wants... and Topping from the Bottom takes out the thrill.

Also, saying to someone "spank me" is very different than being dominated. I get the feeling you are not clear about your needs and desires when you talk to him. Some people need things spelled out for them and in triplicate (me).

You got a lot of good advice but I think you should approach this as training for both of you. Start with an honest conversation about your feelings and tell him you want his help and guidance not with just a scene but with researching and exploring a range of kinks. Make it a project for both of you to learn. Then start presenting him with material that explains the submissive mind and chemical events when you bottom so that he starts to realize that being a Dom is not only OK but something you desire. And be ready to accept that he may not be a Dom but a sub himself. That leaves you with a new dilemma of being a sub couple, but at least you would know where you stand.

For me, understanding that BDSM can be OK and not a "perversion" is a key to unlocking the Dom or Sub in a person. I love being able to walk up to my sub or selected friends, grab a handful of hair or a tit and proceed to use them as a play toy and sex object. A major part of my turn on is knowing that it is not only acceptable to them but also that they want this.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/18/2012 11:08:10 AM

chatterbox24

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I love ice cream, now if I never had ice cream I never would have found out I love it.

But damn, Ive had ice cream, and I think if it ceased to exist, Id always remember it and want to have it again.

But it does exist.............So IM glad I have that choice.

Never give up something you love or settle for less, might be 2 yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, or even 20 yrs. Seems to come up later, and once your committed you find your doing something that really isnt you, because all you want is some more ice cream. lol.

Good luck on your decision.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/18/2012 12:53:33 PM

littlewonder

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Sometimes it's good to let go of things you love and sometimes it is good to settle. Just depends on what it is and how you are using it.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/22/2012 2:57:07 AM

bigblkuk

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Nature versus nature debate

A sub can try and be Dom but they can never be a true dominant.

You are what u are!

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/22/2012 8:25:19 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAutarch
...you can't accept him as a Dom because your own expectation/fantasy is that a Dom will "take" what he wants... and Topping from the Bottom takes out the thrill.

Oh so true... and something I've never fully understood. I'm glad that Carol doesn't feel the need to engage in faux power struggles with me -- that weird fantasy where a sub wants to enter into combat, lose, but lose in just the right delicious way. In my world losing is losing and it's generally unpleasant. I agree with you that she's got him in an no-win situation. His only right move is not to play her game since, by definition, accepting her rules for the game is submitting to her.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/22/2012 1:14:53 PM

CarolineFarrell

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Joined: 6/12/2012
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This is a question I've struggled with as well. Although, I've asked this question for a different reason. I was in my first D/s relationship. I've known from a very young age that I am both submissive and masochistic. In spite of that, I avoided kink until I was 19. Before and during our relationship, I was ashamed of my proclivities. I wanted to be "normal". In fact, I ended the relationship because I thought I could be vanilla. For me, it was impossible. No vanilla relationships since then have been nearly as satisfying. I don't know why I am this way. I cannot answer your question for you or anyone else, but I know I am happier embracing this part of myself.

Even though I recognize that I am at peace when I accept my nature, if I were 100% honest, sometimes I *still* wrestle with it. I appreciate your thread, the responses are helpful. I hope you are content, whatever your decision was/is.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 6/29/2012 11:05:07 AM

Southbigdaddy

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I think it depends solely on the person and the position they are in.

Some people are submissive because they have to be, its in there DNA, some people are sub because of their upbringing and surroundings and some people choose to be because its exciting, so it will depend on you, we all have seen people come and go for various reasons.

If its part of your DNA and you are that good friends do like above mentions, cook for him, do things for him and just try to become sub to him naturally, this probably will not be enough for you but if you like him that much then I am an old school soppy hearted person, I think love can overcome.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Bill

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 8/24/2012 11:41:15 AM

bella9

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I can honestly respond to this from personal experience. Can you stop? No, you can channel those desires elsewhere, try to bury them, even try to deny them, but they are always there. Then, at least for me, they broke lose, channeling them elsewhere was no longer enough. They were back, with a vengeance.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 8/24/2012 2:17:44 PM

sexyred1

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You can only stop the actions of being submissive, not the essence of it.

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RE: Is it possible to stop being submissive? - 8/25/2012 1:17:07 PM

Salinedion

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When your thoughts keep drifting to past, happier relationships, it means you already have one foot out the door of your current one. I say get out front, change is a-coming.

And:

Your sexual self is valid and valuable -like your arm is. No need to cut either one off just because it occasionally gets in the way, right?

Good luck. You are an honest person trying to do the right thing. Lots of men will honor that.

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