How to deal with a stubborn sub?

How to deal with a stubborn sub? (Full Version)

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MistressDeeSTL -> How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 1:31:33 PM)
Hello all. My husband and I have been working towards a 24/7 Mistress/Sub relationship for about 8 years. I have come a VERY long way towards enjoying having control and dominating him. (At first I was super against it because I was raised to be polite at all times and respect your Husband.) I have come to love getting my way and having control. At first he seemed to know way more than I did and was always giving me advice and ideas. Now I feel like I have really settled into my role, but it seems like he gets whiney or gets mad when we don't play every night or when he doesn't get his way. He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!) I am wondering if there is some sort of training I can do to really get my complete control through his head. I want to completely break his spirit of taking back control. Hopefully you ladies can help me cook up some good ideas. Thanks, Mistress Dee

lizi -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 1:47:45 PM)
You seem to be letting him take control. When he pushes back he gets no D/s from you. Since this is what you say he wants, I guarantee that the power struggle will end asap. You don't withdraw your person to person contact with him, but he gets no D/s. It really is that simple - you don't need special training. It's your way or nothing.

Lockit -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 1:48:17 PM)
I don't recommend breaking a spirit even if he is acting out because he isn't getting his way. Until his ways changed and I and the relationship were more important than getting his kink on... I wouldn't do anything with him. Of course that might make him look elsewhere, but why would I care if he did? The reason I say this is... what you have going on isn't dominance to him. It is role play. It may be very real to you, but it cannot be serious if he is manipulating or whining and focused on his needs whether he serves you or not. It isn't in his mind and heart to submit.. but in his cock and the excitement that your role provides him. You can try setting down your foot and let him know his behavior is inappropriate and hope that does it. If it doesn't, you can do different things to try to modify his behavior, but what you have is someone that isn't serious about submission and I have never seen that work out. If it isn't serious and just role play... cap his ass, lock down his cock, chain him up, do wicked things to his body and deny him and repeat, because that is all it is going to be.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 1:51:57 PM)
This sounds to me like he's just being bratty and I've found the best way to deal with bratty behaviour is to withdraw all attention. The brattiness will soon stop if all he's getting is ignored... Good luck. [:D]

JanahX -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 1:56:59 PM)
Put him in chastity. That should do the trick really quick.

MistressDeeSTL -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 1:58:37 PM)
He would not look elsewhere. (I have actually sent him to a Mistress before and he did not enjoy it and did not return again.) He said it is a very awkward thing to serve someone else. We have been married for a little over 9 years and have kids. He is great at keeping up with the housework and doing things I tell him to do. The problem comes when he wants to play and I don't. I find myself felling bad and like I should do things for him. (Which the next day after apologizing he tells me I SHOULDN'T give in but should correct his attitude.) Very confusing. He used to be pretty controlling early on in our relationship and in his defense he has come a very long way towards being a real sub. (We just keep getting stuck at his attitude.)

LadyConstanze -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:01:15 PM)
Ignore him when he's pushy and yes, the chastity device might be a great idea...

MistressDeeSTL -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:01:33 PM)
We have a CB-2000 and a CB-3000. The 2000 is very easy to keep clean but he says it shows too much under his work pants. The 3000 hides better but I have to let him out at least once a week to clean it and him cause it smells funky. (Really annoying letting him out that often.)

JanahX -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:05:21 PM)
Make him wear a diaper then - if he wants to act like a baby.

Lockit -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:06:17 PM)
Let him out... but slap that baby back on just as fast. I would give him a choice... real submission or vanilla. No more playing at or learning to be.. he either is or isn't. No sence in struggling or taking another nine years to learn what could have been learned in a few months if he really was submissive.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:06:18 PM)
NO WHINING. Is the rule that he is never allowed to initiate play? Or is he just leaping at every moment when the kids are asleep? If you dont want to play, dont. Takes two to tango. Alternatively, make him entertain you. A bag of those mini hair clips and external genitalia = FUN.

MistressDeeSTL -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:13:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX Make him wear a diaper then - if he wants to act like a baby. Funny but eww. LOL

mnottertail -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:14:54 PM)
Go to the Garden Shop and get a gigantic terra cotta pot. Have him stand in the fucking thing and act like a plant. If he withers, send him to the curb with the rest of the garbage.

MistressDeeSTL -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:15:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus NO WHINING. Is the rule that he is never allowed to initiate play? Or is he just leaping at every moment when the kids are asleep? We don't have a set list of rules. He says he wants me to write up a list of hard rules that are non negotiable so he knows what he is and is not supposed to do on a regular basis. I like that idea but it's hard to have a routine with kids and work.

JanahX -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:16:09 PM)
and when he pees and poops himself - make him go change himself. Tell him that it will stop - when he stops.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:20:38 PM)
If the devices are uncomfy or show under his work pants - HIS problem....

MistressDeeSTL -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:23:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze If the devices are uncomfy or show under his work pants - HIS problem.... While I agree with the idea, his income plays a pretty important part of our life so I don't want to risk him losing his job over adjusting it or having and unsightly bulge at work. (Nobody would believe he's THAT big. LOL)

LadyHibiscus -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:23:25 PM)
Okay. You're both grownups with jobs and a family. D/s and what have you, we do it to ENHANCE our lives, not to make them more difficult. Does your husband really need stuff WRITTEN DOWN? Does he need to be TOLD what= needs to be done around the house beyond the normal "honey-do" list? Or is he trying to be an extra child? Playing is great. I LOVE playing, even when there's no pain involved! But d/s isnt just a bedroom thing UNLESS IT'S WHAT YOU WANT. What do you want when you are not playing? How do you see the relationship?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:24:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDeeSTL Hello all. My husband and I have been working towards a 24/7 Mistress/Sub relationship for about 8 years. I have come a VERY long way towards enjoying having control and dominating him. (At first I was super against it because I was raised to be polite at all times and respect your Husband.) I have come to love getting my way and having control. At first he seemed to know way more than I did and was always giving me advice and ideas. Now I feel like I have really settled into my role, but it seems like he gets whiney or gets mad when we don't play every night or when he doesn't get his way. He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!) I am wondering if there is some sort of training I can do to really get my complete control through his head. I want to completely break his spirit of taking back control. Hopefully you ladies can help me cook up some good ideas. Thanks, Mistress Dee He's testing you. This is very common in male subs. Don't, in any way, buy into his BS if you really want to be his domme. Have a talk with him, lay down some new rules, and make it clear there will be consequences for bad behavior. (Just like you do with the kids.) Make sure those consequences are NOT something he enjoys. For instance, spanking a maso for bad behavior will only cause the behavior to increase. A time out away from you, being ignored, is always good. But when you mete out this punishment, give him a time line (I will now ignore you for 1 hour), just like with the kids. Best, CP

mnottertail -> RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? (5/11/2012 2:24:53 PM)
He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!) This is absolutely normal by the way, to seek equilibrium. So do not marvel here. However it is called power exchange....think of it as jujutsu. If he pushes you turn, if he pulls you push. Give me an example of a push

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