A thank you (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> A thank you (5/15/2012 7:38:46 AM)

I wanted to say a thank you to the many of you who offered a shoulder and sage words, both here in the forums and privately in my mail box, when I said that my stepfather was dying.

So many of you had good advice and just provided words of support.

We had his service last Saturday. The church was so full that people were lining the walls and out in the vestibule. I was a wreck through the whole thing. I read a poem that I had read at their vow renewal ceremony 5 years ago. I cried my way through it. After the service, a group of us went down to my stepbrother's pub and "Irish Waked" my stepfather. I was drunk under the table by guys 30 years older than I am, but we sent him off remembering how funny and talented he was.

We made it through. Mom is back to sleeping again....and we're doing okay.

I wanted to make sure that all of you knew that your words of comfort were appreciated.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 7:47:22 AM)

I'm glad you got through it. The hard part is next, of course. My best to you and your mom!




ashjor911 -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 8:09:33 AM)

glad you are doing ok you & your mom




TNDommeK -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 10:35:52 AM)

((((HUGS))))




DarkSteven -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 11:10:08 AM)

Now, OsideGirl, make sure you take good care of yourself. {{hugs}}




kalikshama -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 11:12:12 AM)

The Hospital Window

James Dickey

I have just come down from my father.
Higher and higher he lies
Above me in a blue light
Shed by a tinted window.
I drop through six white floors
And then step out onto pavement.

Still feeling my father ascend,
I start to cross the firm street,
My shoulder blades shining with all
The glass the huge building can raise.
Now I must turn round and face it,
And know his one pane from the others.

Each window possesses the sun
As though it burned there on a wick.
I wave, like a man catching fire.
All the deep-dyed windowpanes flash,
and, behind them, all the white rooms
They turn to the color of Heaven.

Ceremoniously, gravely, and weakly,
Dozens of pale hands are waving
Back, from inside their flames.
Yet one pure pane among these
Is the bright, erased blankness of nothing.
I know that my father is there,

In the shape of his death still living.
The traffic increases around me
Like a madness called down on my head.
The horns blast at me like shotguns,
And drivers lean out, driven crazy—
But now my propped-up father

Lifts his arm out of stillness at last.
The light from the window strikes me
And I turn as blue as a soul,
As the moment when I was born.
I am not afraid for my father—
Look! He is grinning; he is not

Afraid for my life, either,
As the wild engines stand at my knees
Shredding their gears and roaring,
And I hold each car in its place
For miles, inciting its horn
To blow down the walls of the world

That the dying may float without fear
In the bold blue gaze of my father.
Slowly I move to the sidewalk
With my pin-tingling hand half dead
At the end of my bloodless arm.
I carry it off in amazement,

High, still higher, still waving
My recognized face fully mortal,
Yet not; not at all, in the pale,
drained, otherworldly, stricken,
Created hue of stained glass.
I have just come down from my father.




myotherself -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 11:12:51 AM)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

I lost my father last summer, and I know how you feel.

But please bear in mind that it does get better. I don't miss my dad any less, but I find now that when I remember him it's with a smile rather than tears.

Love never dies, and that's what matters.

{{{{hugs}}}}




lizi -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 11:56:48 AM)

Oh wow...thanks for the update and I'm glad you and your Mom are feeling some closure. Hugs...




Rule -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 3:27:31 PM)

I am sorry for your loss. He was clearly liked and appreciated by tons of people.




kitkat105 -> RE: A thank you (5/15/2012 5:54:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

I lost my father last summer, and I know how you feel.

But please bear in mind that it does get better. I don't miss my dad any less, but I find now that when I remember him it's with a smile rather than tears.

Love never dies, and that's what matters.

{{{{hugs}}}}



Could not word this any better. And just remember there's no 'timeline' for grief.

<hugs>




Master2811 -> RE: A thank you (5/17/2012 5:53:43 PM)

My sincere condoleances.




hausboy -> RE: A thank you (5/17/2012 9:07:55 PM)

I'm so sorry to hear of your terrible loss-- sending you good thoughts to you and your family.





LadyConstanze -> RE: A thank you (5/18/2012 12:52:25 AM)

Dunno how it's going to be for you, but I had a similar reaction when my grandparents died and brother died, then I went into some weird phase, first I was crying my eyes out and most of the world seemed to be a blur, then I felt like I almost forgot them and felt disloyal, and then the memories kept coming back...

In retrospect, I think it was my mind blocking out the memories as I was not ready to deal with them and the guilt feelings were stupid... So if that happens, just accept it as what it is, your subconsciousness telling you you are not ready to deal with it, you are not forgetting!




DonGiovani -> RE: A thank you (5/18/2012 1:40:05 AM)

It's never an easy thing to go through, and the first year after such a loss is easily the roughest time. He had a great send off from people who loved and cared about him... can't ask for much more.

Wishing your family peace.




NuevaVida -> RE: A thank you (5/18/2012 9:17:52 AM)

So sorry for your loss. And what myotherself said is so very true. I remember my Dad with so much love and gratitude. My thoughts are with you.




Kana -> RE: A thank you (5/18/2012 1:40:38 PM)

Had no clue. Many prayers and much hugs and warm fuzzies heading your way.
You're good peeps-we're rooting for ya




OsideGirl -> RE: A thank you (5/18/2012 8:16:07 PM)

Thank you everyone.

It's been kind of an odd week. Mom has started back at work and I'm keeping CA hours. We're hanging out together but it's a companionship rather than conversation. Plus, I think neither of us was sleeping much leading up to the memorial service and we're just kind of recuperating now. We're just keeping each other company and healing.

One of the nice things has been spending time at the barn with my oldest friend, even if it's just mucking out stalls.




Master2811 -> RE: A thank you (5/18/2012 8:40:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Thank you everyone.

It's been kind of an odd week. Mom has started back at work and I'm keeping CA hours. We're hanging out together but it's a companionship rather than conversation. Plus, I think neither of us was sleeping much leading up to the memorial service and we're just kind of recuperating now. We're just keeping each other company and healing.

One of the nice things has been spending time at the barn with my oldest friend, even if it's just mucking out stalls.


Sounds very familiar! I lost my dad when I was 22 in 1988 and I lost my mother in 2005. I know how you feel. You will keep missing them as long as you live, but it will be easier in time to deal with, slowly very slowly. I wish you find all the strength you need to deal with this great loss.




Owner59 -> RE: A thank you (5/19/2012 5:22:56 PM)

Your pop raised a good kid.....<hugs>

Best.




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