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What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 3:49:52 AM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

OK so I am new to this lifestyle, and when I say new I mean days old into it, but have wanted to get the courage up to try it for years. So I finally place my profile and WOW do I think I have gotten myself in way over my head....lol
First I receive a message from someone telling me she wants to be my dog and I need to go get her, place her in a cage and take her away, then I get someone telling me she wants to talk to me but only on cam....(not really understanding that one)
I have been in the medical profession for a long time and am used to being self reliant and a self starter but I feel like a first year med student again! Any suggestions on how to break into this for a beginner would be greatly appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 4:09:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums.

Most of the email you are going to get during your first sixty days are going to be largely mixed with people who are not really interested in meeting you, looking to get you interested in pay sites, or any of a dozen other things that are probably not in your best interest. You've got some things working against you in that department because you don't have experience and even your screen name gives a clue as to your financial status.

In BDSM, you will run across people with different interests than you. Sometimes, you will find people with more extreme fetishes. If that happens, just know that you may not be compatible with that person and move on.

Also, you may be interested in getting involved in your local community. Just like your training for your career, there is a lot to learn when it comes to BDSM and alternative lifestyles.

Good luck.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 2

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 4:23:25 AM

DirtyDianaTS

Posts: 12
Status: offline

Hi,

Thank you so much for the mail and the tips.

Love Diana

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 4:28:27 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi, Doc. While yer here, I wonder if you could take a look at my allergies?

Seriously, change your name to something that does not say you're a doctor (unfortunately, that means abandoning your account and starting up a new one because collarme doesn't allow name changes).

The one who wants to talk to you on cam - she's a cam model, or else a shill for a cam site.

I second LadyPact's suggestion of getting out to events. I did a little searching on another site and found this group: https://fetlife.com/groups/37507 They have two munches a month and one play party. I'd suggest a munch for your first event - that's nothing more than kinky people in boring clothes, talking about boring stuff.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 4:41:59 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Welcome to the discussion side of CM. Once you master the clunky search feature, you can find tons of threads about every topic under the sun.

As for the mail you are getting, these people want your money. They see the big house and the boat in your profile pics and their brains go: KA CHING !

There are users and scammers on the other side and in the first weeks you will be messaged by them all. So just ignore that crap. Most of the non scammer messages a male dominant will receive are from people they know from real life, the forums, or maybe a chat room. Messages out of the blue? Don't hold your breath.

So, what should you do?

Be open and honest and willing to explore this lifestyle with no preconceived notions of who you are within it and what you have to do. Think of all those BDSM goodies as a huge buffet. Not everyone likes the stuffed mushrooms, some are allergic to seafood, others don't eat red meat. You take what you want, and enjoy !

(Over time you might decide to give the stuffed mushrooms a try, but let's focus on now.)

Meeting people in real life is very helpful for a whole variety of reasons. First, seeing what real life couples are like gives a good perspective of how you could be with someone, and also, it helps you see that BDSMers are like everyone else, just more kinky. For the most part, we're nice, "normal" people.

Try to avoid online relationships. Online is an okay way to meet someone, not a good way to begin a dynamic.

Oh, I could go on and on. Just realize we understand it's overwhelming to be new, it's a huge first step, but the majority of people on this side (the discussion side, not the profile side where you get cmail) are here to help and advise as needed.

Best of luck with your journey, CP

_____________________________

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 5

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 4:51:33 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

Best of luck.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 6

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 5:56:54 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

Welcome

_____________________________

"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
licensed to give formla

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 7

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 6:21:04 AM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

Ladypact,
Thank you for your response and pointing out the screen name. To be honest, I never even thought about it like that and I guess I was just naive in believing everyone on here was real and legit. I don't know why I would think that. When you talk about getting involved in a local community, you are referring to the munches and parties that Steven mentioned or something else? Once I am involved with them, are there certain "protocols" to follow at these events that I should know about so I do not stick out like a sore thumb?lol Thanks again for your help.
Great outfit by the way

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 6:23:26 AM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

Steven,
Thanks for the advice. It is really appreciated. I will certainly check out the web site and hopefully be able to find something local to me to get started.
No worries with the allergies, let me know if it is more behind the eyes or nose and throat and I will get you fixed up in a jiffy...lol
Thanks again. Please feel free to offer any other advice that would be helpful

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 6:29:32 AM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

CP,
Thank you for your help. I will get the pictures of my homes off of my profile. I just never thought of it like that. I guess I need to be cautious even though I am excited about this new phase of my life I am beginning. Thank you for bringing my feet back down to the ground. When you talk about meeting couples and seeing how their relationships are, what is the best way to do that?
Should I focus on staying more into the chat rooms and forums for finding someone rather than the profile side? I really didn't realize there would be such a difference in people between the two. This is really opening my eyes to exactly how much I NEED to learn.lol
Please feel free to go on and on as you mentioned. All advice will be taken and used. Thanks again

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 10

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 6:56:35 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

You're most welcome.

To learn, the forums and the chat rooms and munches and even books are all good. Hopefully someone will come along soon with a good book list.

Many local communities also have demos and discussion groups, which can be very helpful for both new and experienced BDSMers.

Many people these days chose the online method for meeting someone, no matter what their persuasion. Online is the new single's bar, w/o the hangovers ! But like a single's bar, some are just there for a one night stand, some are there to cheat on their spouse, some are there for a long term relationship, and some are there to get fucked up and fuck with people. It's much harder to figure out who's who when all you have to text on a screen.

First, open up an email account to use for those people you are getting to know and may potentially meet. Remember how easy it is for *anybody* to take your phone number and use a reverse look up service to find your name and address (which could have profound effects on your career, should you give it out to a nutter). So be careful who you give your phone out to. Third, create a yahoo messenger account with that new email acct, and make sure you have all the options in place on BOTH to protect your privacy.

(Over time, you will get a feel for who is actually interested in you, and who's a nutter. Until, do be very careful. )

Once you find a female (or two) you'd like to chat with, concentrate on finding out who they are as people. A BDSM relationship is like any other, sex is nice, but it's not the be all and end all and not what you spend most of your time doing (after a certain age, lol).

Look for like interests and ethics and life take, the BDSM end of things (mostly) takes care of itself.

Another chapter on BDSM for Newbies coming SOON to forums near you !! Stay tuned, folks.

(I think he's really nice, can we keep him? Having a resident authority on medical play would be sweet.)

_____________________________

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 11

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 7:23:01 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

The book list that was mentioned. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

Also, I appreciate the compliment.

Yes, when I mentioned local events, I am referring to munches and play parties. I tend to find that avenue more reliable for meeting people who are actually engaging in BDSM. While I'm certainly not knocking people on forums or chat rooms, you really don't know if they have the experience that they say they do or if they are just fantasizing about things they might like to do and only talk about it on the computer. You're actually not too far off from some places/groups that I've attended in years past. If you are ever interested in attending some of the bigger events, you're not in a bad place, with travel in mind.

Most munch groups don't have more than common sense and common courtesy for protocols at meet and greets. When you get to play parties, the members of the group usually have their group rules posted. A lot of the groups in the SE do have vetting requirements and orientations for their parties, so you'll have a chance to be familiar. If you are interested in high protocol and/or leather, you're in a great spot for learning about that, too.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 12

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 7:26:43 AM

OohAahMrs

Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Welcome ent. The other day i went to see my doctor, he said; "I have'nt seen you for a while." I replied;"no, i've been ill!"

_____________________________

You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 13

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 7:28:03 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Everyone above has pretty much given good advice....so, I'll just say...welcome to the forums!

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 6:13:47 PM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

LadyPact,
Thanks again for your help. Looks like I have a lot of reading to do and this list will be great. back to school I go..lol
Would you have any contact information for those groups you spoke of in my area?
Thanks again

(in reply to OohAahMrs)

Post #: 15

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 6:16:01 PM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

CP, thanks again. I have those email accounts open :)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 9:41:57 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: entmd

LadyPact,
Thanks again for your help. Looks like I have a lot of reading to do and this list will be great. back to school I go..lol
Would you have any contact information for those groups you spoke of in my area?
Thanks again

The majority of the links I have are from the "members only" yahoo group days. (Even from just a few years back.) Most of them are more easily accessible on Fet. If you need help with that, drop Me a line on the other side and I'll be more than happy to give you a hand.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 17

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 11:15:50 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Hello! Don't send money to anyone for any reason. Now you'll be golden. Welcome, and enjoy the journey.

(in reply to entmd)

Post #: 18

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/18/2012 11:45:36 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

The best thing I think I could tell you, is "Don't be overwhelmed by it.". You didn't start out as a Doctor, did you? Pretty sure you had to go to school and have internships and such... you know, learn things, one day, one class, one case at a time, and are still learning every day.

Also, a good rule of thumb would be to, if you're not ready to deal with something, don't. You aren't going to just run off with a random stranger in the physical world, to go tie them up or vice versa, whatever... either way, I'd guess you wouldn't do that. This is, after all, the internet, why would you do it here? No reason to. Go slow, take your time, feel free to ask questions and do your research. Trust me, it'll all still be here tomorrow, no need to put all your chips in today. :)

Also, welcome to CM.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 19

RE: What did I get myself into.... - 5/19/2012 12:57:45 AM

entmd

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2012
Status: offline

Good Advice BK. Thank you

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 20

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