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Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 9:24:41 AM

ProudPuppyOwner

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I am very new to the lifestyle having been sub to one Dom and only having had one previous sub Myself and neither of these relationships lasted more than 6 months. I have been communicating with a young man who insists that his only desire is to serve his Mistress in whatever way She sees fit. I am 31 and he is 19, whilst the age difference is a minor concern, I am extremely anxious about the fact that he has no previous RT experience whatsoever. I have considered the various options available to ensure that communication between us will always be open, but due to My own lack of experience I am also concerned that I may end up pandering to his every whim which would fulfil neither of us.

I read the following on this site:
"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." (Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.)

I think this is very true and it has crossed My mind that perhaps this sub should visit a Pro Domme in order to experience some of his fantasies on his terms before deciding that he wishes fulfil My desires.

I have also thought that as W/we both lack experience I should be excited about the fact that W/we can head off on this journey of discovery together and that I am being unfair to him by not treating him as an adult who is capable of making his own mind up. Surely it is his decision as to whether or not he wishes to relinquish control and I should be flattered that he wishes to give Me his gift of submission.

Am I going way to soft in My old age? Should I just whip his sorry ass?

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 9:37:37 AM

peterK50

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Joined: 1/12/2006
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D/s relationships are much like marriages, both parties come into it with preconceived notions that just aren't true. You may fined the middle ground quickly, you may never find it. Life if about learning, just whip his sorry ass.

(in reply to ProudPuppyOwner)

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 9:39:07 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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SM, while totally hot and fun, doesn't make a relationship any more than sex does. Sending him to a pro wouldn't teach him about how to maintain a relationship...it'd only teach him how to bottom. Not that this isn't a decent idea, but, one of the reasons people choose to visit a Pro (and rightly so) is that they want to be free of the emotional commitment. Also, sending him to a Pro might give him the wrong impression...because it's a business, the Pro caters to exactly what he wants (customer satisfaction). Do you want to give him that impression of what you offer?

As in every relationship, there will be the honeymoon phase. After that, you have to have something to talk about or something in common in order for it to last. Get to know him as a person and see. You might even have to have a trial period (that's longer than the honeymoon phase) in order to find out if it will work.

Just my opinion

Master Fire

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 11:12:56 AM

ProudPuppyOwner

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It occured to me after posting that it would have been equally as wise to have sought advice on the matter from a submissive, so I very much appreciate your response, peter. Indeed life is a learning curve and I want to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

(in reply to peterK50)

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 11:17:29 AM

thetammyjo

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Its up to you whether or not you should invest time with a newbie regardless of their age frankly.

I advise that if you do, you have a way to ground yourself and work on controlling your emotional attachments for some time. Someone just learning is going to go on a roller coaster ride of feelings and they can change like that *snaps fingers*. This isn't their fault, it isn't a factor of their age, its just a factor of starting out.

Try to be prepared for discovery that things work out great, that they are lack luster, and that they will fail -- that covers about all the bases I think. Start slow and resist going faster... neither of you are happy meals you can order at a fast food restaurant so rushing serves no purpose.

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 11:28:35 AM

ProudPuppyOwner

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MasterFireMaam your opinion is appreciated.
I agree that SM doesn't make a relationship any more than sex does. My thoughts of sending him to a pro were more to ensure that it was not what he was looking for, but on reading your post it does seem more feasible that it would have the opposite effect. I understand what you say about getting to know him as a person which is of course my main objective at the moment, I was just a little hesitant about continuing in that vein when I was hearing faint warning bells.

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 11:29:17 AM

MasterMoody

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Joined: 4/19/2006
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will you have to ask your self do you want to be a Mistress or do you want to be a sub to a Master

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RE: Age and inexperience - 6/6/2006 12:20:11 PM

ProudPuppyOwner

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"will you have to ask your self do you want to be a Mistress or do you want to be a sub to a Master"

I have asked myself that very question and I still can't decide. I guess it all depends whether I am likely to find a Master who would like to be lead around in a collar and leash. What do you think my chaces are?

(in reply to MasterMoody)

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