|
Lockit -> RE: Twenty three years later, Daddy’s home (5/23/2012 9:11:55 AM)
|
Well, my daughter couldn't wait for that talk. lol By my lol, I hope you can see it went well. When I felt my redhead coming out, I said... and that is where I shut up. I explained more about the man and what happened. She listened and wanted to hear it. When she was born, daddy went home, got drunk and hung a sign from the second story of the house saying 'Its a girl'. That was one of the pictures that weren't stolen from me and of course I let her see it and didn't tell her everything about how that sign was hung and why. He was using that sign to prove he loved her all along. I told her the real story. How he got drunk, he and a friend made the sign and the reason for the sign was that his family was a part of his con. The great family man... he was at the time working on a con with many wonderful people, I did warn, but they didn't listen. He didn't come back to see his beloved daughter until it was time to pick us up and he never mentioned how he called me every couple of hours to harass me and pick on me. She was silent, but she knows I haven't lied to them. She wondered why I let her see the sign. I said... Honey, I had to give you something good, you were tiny children, I couldn't let your life be only the bad. She was silent and I think her mothers heart knew I was only trying to give her something that should have been there. I never expected him to come back. (God how you can see the mistakes in just a little thing you think will help and it doesn't in the long run!)
I explained that with his money, family support/enabling and powerful connections, that he could have slaughtered me in court had he wanted the kids. He could have found us very easily. That one made an impression. I pointed out a few things that I am sure are little seeds of doubt in all the pretty words he is now sharing. I showed her what to look for in him that would prove a changed man or the same man, speaking pretty words with an agenda. I explained a narcissist personality and asked her to learn more about it. I didn't tell everything. I didn't lead. I just suggested and told the whole truth of some things she didn't know. I gave her the tools to be able to see clearly and decide on her own.
At one point she said give him time mom... basically to prove whatever. I said... He has had twenty three years to think about how to do what needs to be done here. I don't think he needs much more time to know what is right to do. If he doesn't act rather quickly in proving something... he isn't going to.
We will be okay. I know her. She isn't stupid, just a bit wounded. She has two sons and I said... how would you feel if your two sons were escorted home by eight police cars when their daddy was on his way to take them out of the country again. Power punch! That hit home!
I then took LadyPact's advice and gave her my boundaries. I told her she could speak of Charlie and his needs only, but any personal information about me was out. I told her I believed that if things didn't work out between her/brother and daddy, he would be headed for me. Not to be afraid of that, but to know that any information she gave him could be a weapon in his hand to use against me. Don't feel you have to be protective of me in anything you decide to do, just don't give him ammo in case he isn't a changed man.
My son still isn't talking, which tells me one thing. He doesn't feel vulnerable and thinks he is in charge. He feels daddy owes him and he does... and I think he can't face up to me because he knows the truth and is thinking I feel betrayed. I do in a sense... but... he wants what daddy owes him. He will learn... you don't get what's owed without you owing daddy and he will take his pound of flesh. Good luck getting a dime. His wife... well, she isn't being fooled about anything and she knows changes like this don't happen very often. She will be a voice of reason in his own home.
Me... well, I am getting stronger... no flip flopping after this thread. My friend said I sound much stronger and the thread was a good idea and we talked mostly about my book she is editing for me. We will make it. I will make it.
Thank you to everyone... you really did help me balance it all out when I thought I was doing okay, but was flip flopping, hurt for my children and stuck in the past.
|
|
|
|
